Feel like I'm being watched...oh wait! I am!!!

We had an 'incident' in class night where another student brought in their 'boyfriend'. I was gobsmacked! We don't have any written rules and our class is small, but in my mind I can't see how anyone would think this is a GOOD idea. I mean, I don't bring my Husband to class! LOL

Seriously though, the guy seemed nice enough and slightly uncomfortable at first...he actually said he was was suppose to be on a 'date'. We were practicing our choreography for a hafla and he took it upon himself to give us feedback, which isn't unhelpful, but it's just all very weird to me!!!!

I expressed my feelings to my teacher of course and to another student that I drive to class, but it doesn't feel like people are as bothered about it as I was/am. I had had a pretty crappy day and wasn't feeling very well anyway, and I'm ok around my bellydance friends when I'm like that, I feel comfortable being me and can be weepy or grumpy or whatever, but this guy was a complete stranger and I couldn't bring myself to smile or enjoy dancing much, although everyone else seemed ok.

What I'd like to know from others is this ok? I've read a few bellydance class sites where it's a rule that you can't bring visitors into class once it's started. For comparison, I also accidentally discovered on the google search that at some pole dancing classes that popped up in my bellydance-themed search that it was fine and dandy (and encouraged) to bring visitors to those!

Teacher said she's have a word with the girl, but I'm still irritated. What was she thinking?!!!

Oona said:

We had an 'incident' in class night where another student brought in their 'boyfriend'. I was gobsmacked! We don't have any written rules and our class is small, but in my mind I can't see how anyone would think this is a GOOD idea. I mean, I don't bring my Husband to class! LOL

Seriously though, the guy seemed nice enough and slightly uncomfortable at first...he actually said he was was suppose to be on a 'date'. We were practicing our choreography for a hafla and he took it upon himself to give us feedback, which isn't unhelpful, but it's just all very weird to me!!!!

I expressed my feelings to my teacher of course and to another student that I drive to class, but it doesn't feel like people are as bothered about it as I was/am. I had had a pretty crappy day and wasn't feeling very well anyway, and I'm ok around my bellydance friends when I'm like that, I feel comfortable being me and can be weepy or grumpy or whatever, but this guy was a complete stranger and I couldn't bring myself to smile or enjoy dancing much, although everyone else seemed ok.

What I'd like to know from others is this ok? I've read a few bellydance class sites where it's a rule that you can't bring visitors into class once it's started. For comparison, I also accidentally discovered on the google search that at some pole dancing classes that popped up in my bellydance-themed search that it was fine and dandy (and encouraged) to bring visitors to those!

Teacher said she's have a word with the girl, but I'm still irritated. What was she thinking?!!!

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Well it was rude of him to comment. But I've seen partners of dancers in class come in and watch, but that would normally be when musicians are playing as well.

I do remember a couple of teachers here having a rule, if you bring your partner, they have to do the class as well.

HubicRuzz said:

I do remember a couple of teachers here having a rule, if you bring your partner, they have to do the class as well.

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Nice one!!

Even if the visitor was "nice," somehow this just doesn't seem like a good idea to me. If you ask me, not only was the student in question rude to the class, I think she was rude to the boyfriend, too. They were supposed to be on a date, and last time I was in the dating scene (about a dinosaur's age ago), dates are meant for the couple to focus on each other, not to try and kill two birds with one stone, so to speak. He was uncomfortable being there, so Brainless Girlfriend obviously didn't consider anyone's feelings.

Perhaps the teacher ought to give this matter more thought and come up with some sort of rules regarding visitors.

We have visitors from time to time, but except for three, they've all been female. One babysits students' little ones while they're in class, others are ladies considering taking bellydance class and either quietly sit/stand in the back to see what classes are like, or they can stand in the hallway and watch through the observation windows. The three male visitors have been one doumbek player who graciously plays for us now and then, and the other two are my teacher's 'tween boys who are into jewelry making, so they set up a booth of sorts in the hallway and display their beautiful handiwork for sale for us to purchase after class, if something pretty and blingy catches our eye.

When I used to be a student no visitors were allowed unless the student asked both the teacher and other students in the class long before hand, AND they all agree that it was fine.

I don't feel her "date" should have been giving critiqing unless he was a dancer himself. I do not know of anyone outside this art form that understands it enough to tell you what your are doing wrong or need to improve on.

In my opinion it was very rude of her to bring her date there and I would have asked her to ask him to leave or at least hang outside while in a waiting area while you practiced.

p.s. where was the teacher in all of this? Did she not attend your class?

Mrs Grumpy here. How dare teacher allow the situation without the permission of every student and how dare the visitor even think it correct to give feedback. Classes are for participants,students and not for spectators.:shok:

I have an absolute rule that NO casual observers are allowed in class...period. The studio is a 'sacred' place where all my students can feel free to express themselves without fear of being watched or judged...that someone would encourage otherwise to me is astounding.

This is not OK.

Give your teacher a chance to deal with it. She may speak to Little Miss Exhibitionist privately, and you may never hear about it. Or, she may make an "official" rule (either this session or for next session).

Seriously, I would not worry about it unless it happens again. There is a good chance that the teacher is every bit as mortified as you were, but she was blindsided. She may need a day or so to decide how to handle it. If it happens again, speak to the teacher privately.

EDIT - I didn't read carefully enough, now I see the teacher had a word with the girl. I'm sorry you had to deal with a strange observer in class.
The bitchy part of me wants to suggest that you write up 2 lists for Miss Clueless - one being a list of appropriate dating activities, another a list of inappropriate dating activities. But I doubt she's much for taking advice, so I wouldn't want you to waste your time.

No no no no no... 100% not OK and very rude - assuming everyone is happy to be free entertainment and/or won't be put off by it. :naghty:

I'd have been very, very annoyed, especially with the feedback - WTF?!

And yeah, unless he is a dance enthusiast it's a TERRIBLE idea for a date.

Not - it is not on. This isn't entertainment! Totally inappropriate and the teacher should have said something. Class should be a safe environment to try new things and even be a total dork - you don't want to be watched (and judged!!) while exploring and learning.

My rule is no observers. In special situations I allow people to bring guests as (paying) participants.

I don't mind people observing a class I'm taking if they are prospective students (or parents watching kids, but even then, there are certain limitations- my childhood dance teacher permitted occasional parental watching but kept it to a minimum), but jeez the poor guy. Who would take their date to their thing they are already doing that their date can't really participate in? Sucks for him!

That would never have happened in any of my classes which are all female. A male student, however, would be welcome. At the start of class if there are any non students present they are told the class is about to start and asked to leave. No spectators allowed.

Occassionally classes overlap and we start as the stragglers from the previous are leaving but even students from other classes aren't allowed to watch.

Sometimes children of a student sit in the corner colouring in because of childcare issues - this is arranged prior to the class and the children have to be quiet and still and if they distract the class have to wait outisde.

Once, my husband came and sat in on the class by invitation in order to accompany us on the drum. Another time he came at the end of class to film our chorie for us to use to practice. He is very conscious that he has entered a space where he is not usually welcome and that he is the only male. He does his best not to make anybody uncomfortable, consentrates on his task at hand and is a man who is respectful women in general. He makes a point of not watching us dance or paying anybody much attention.

I do know of one class in my city where spectators are invited. This is a special monthly class with live drumming. You pay one fee to join the class and a smaller fee to spectate. If you can't afford to take the class (or don't have the confidence) it's a great way of learning but of course eveybody is aware up front that is the case.

It sounds like the student didn't realise her faux pas, nor did her friend, and it was a cute idea to show off her belly dancing to her new beau. However, the teacher sounds liek she was caught by surprise and is not very assertive and hopefully will make it clear to this student and other's that from now on that isn't appropriate.

To be blunt, it's not appropriate, ever. Your teacher should've told him that he couldn't do this, in a nice way of course. And her student should've been told nicely as well that this is not the way it goes. I never liked it, never got used to it, and some times I have heard of other students literally start a protest about it so much that the guy had to leave.

A blanket rule against spectators makes things easier for all. It avoids so many potential problems and takes the guess work out of who might and might not be allowed to do this.

With the understanding that, generally, spectators aren't permitted when a non student is invited to sit in on a class for whatever reason it is approached in the right way - meaning the teacher is approached for permission first and then she will check with all of her students if they feel comfortable with the spectator and these dialogues occur prior to class time. That way if the person is not welcome they aren't invited in the first place and if a person is there in the class they feel comfortable knowing that they are welcome and that all there have agreed to their presence.

It also makes things very straightforward when an intruder tries to lob in on a class for in appropriate reasons.

Thanks peeps for the many and varied replies. I just needed to know that I'm not the crazy one! Teacher will be dealing with it, after I told her how I felt about it. Ugh. I probably would have left if I hadn't have been responsible for driving another student to class. I don't want to be uncomfortable in a class I paid for, for goodness sakes!

I'm with everyone else - no spectators please. Especially males!

A bit late in on this discussion, but my 2 cents' worth anyway:

I was at yoga class once when the teacher asked a couple who had been invited to watch by another student, to leave. Their self-righteous indignation was matched by the teacher's fury (and a few others', including my own) that they had even thought it appropriate in the first place. It took a while to settle down and enjoy the class after that, but far better than having strangers observing you while in a somewhat emotionally and physically exposed state.

Sometimes at dance class there are non-dancers present. Babysitters politely stay in another room until the class is over; sometimes female relatives or friends visiting from interstate have sat in as well. I'm not totally comfortable with that one myself, even though they have always been respectful.

lizaj said:

Mrs Grumpy here. How dare teacher allow the situation without the permission of every student and how dare the visitor even think it correct to give feedback. Classes are for participants,students and not for spectators.:shok:

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I'm in for this, but over the years we evolved some exceptions
When you have a group and its over 5 years, we have met with our husbands, boyfriends over many situations.
Sometimes its ok if someone comes 20 min earlier to pick a wife, and just sit

To add insult to injury, I was attending a free workshop one time where a woman brought her husband, her sister and brother-in-law, and her baby. The baby fussed a lot and wanted to crawl around the class, and the rest of her relatives sat in the back, just getting in the way. If it was not a free workshop, I would've definitely balked; in fact, I really wish the instructor would've told her to kindly take her entire familia and beat it.

Same thing here, with some m.e. guest of one of the girls. I wouldn`t have minded if it had been told in advance(we were practising zagat, so thats not too bad). The class was taught in english(while the normal language is dutch). At first he didn`t want to join in, but our teacher made him. Better she had not, cause he kept playing different rythems then we where doing(yoh agoei, we just had 3 lessons, shut up!)

Ow and the intermediate didn`t know he was there, so when they finished they all started to undress...while he still had to pass trew to get to class!:shok:

Again, I wouldn`thave mind that much if it had been told. And if it was like one lesson in which we could all take a guest(my bf first respons was 'ow, then I can go too!'). Or if he had been a serious musican. Sure he was anice guy, but still....