Intermediate student: Help! I'm becoming a diva!

Julie

New member
Hey fellow dancers!

I have been dancing for about a year now - the last six months I have had a very fast progress because I started to supplement my lessons with DVDs.
My problem is that I can feel myself starting to think less of the other dancers, and believe that I am much better than them, and I am really afraid that I will get all diva-ish!

What can I do to prevent the diva-sickness? - I am better than the others in my class, because I practice so much, but I want to stay down-to-earth and humble to the dance (can you say that? - I'm Danish so I have trouble expressing myself in english sometimes).
I read a lot about the dance (four books and tons of internet pages) - I feel like I know everything - of course I don't, but I can't help getting that feeling, because nobody in my class (including the teacher) knows anything --> here we have the diva-problem again.

Please give my some advice!

Love,
Julie
 

Jujube

New member
You have to keep in mind that it's all relative.

Maybe others in your class are taking dance just as a fun thing, or for exercise, or to be social. You have your reasons for dancing, and your level of focus, and they have theirs.

You can age out of a class, get better than everyone else, but everyone has their own flair. One girl in my class isn't a great dancer but she has fantastic arm placement. And since women come in different shapes and sizes and different ways of moving, what is a blah move for me can be wonderful on someone else.

And bottom line, the only difference between being good and not being good is hard work. You can be proud of yourself for doing the work, but judging others for not doing it (for whatever reason) is less than worthy of the sisterhood of bellydance.

The real question is whether you are getting anything from your class anymore. It might be more motivating and a better learning experience to find a class that is a level up.
 

~Diana~

AFK Moderator
Hmm I'll admit that I have had that feeling before because I've been practicing a lot more than I think others in my group were. However I've gotten over that because everyone in my troupe comes in with a different view and lifestyle. Like Jujube said above, some like it only for the hobbie, some for the social aspect, some (like me) really put a lot of extra time and money into learning more on our own, some do the best they can with the time they can give.

However when I go to workshops it reminds me that there will always be someone who is better and someone not as experienced as you. I look up to those individuals and instructors who treat me like I was any other dancer, not just because of my level of training/experience. I want to be like them and thinking that way helped me change my attitude when I noticed it starting to stray.

It is also humbling to be with those who are better then you because in my view it helps put you in your place. Worse thing is to have someone acting like a diva and thinking they are so great in their own mind but they really aren't to other people.

A year really isn't a lot of time at all for taking bellydance classes no matter how much you supplement with. I've been dancing for almost 3 years taking every class and workshop I could, plus supplementing with DVD's and lots of training on my own. Still there is much for me to learn and improve on.

What you might need to do is find a new instructor because it seems from your post that you are not able to learn anything new in your view. It is also good because level of instruction varies from instructor to instructor. Your current instructor might be teaching you at what she says is intermediate classes but if you take classes from someone else you might find that the same thing you learned are lumped into their advanced beginner classes. You might find that instructors intermediate classes more of a challenge.

As well taking classes/private lessons from a different instructor they might be more vocal or picky in your movements. There have been times I though my movements were down but when I took lessons from someone else she pointed out all the problems I didn't think I had. It was very, very helpful and eye opening.

If worse comes to worse, you will just have to mentally stop yourself from thinking/saying to yourself that you are better than others, that they are not as good as you, etc, etc. This kind of internal thinking will keep going if you don't make an effort to put it to end. Plus this thinking you only get your sided view, there is no room for counterargument or someone pointing things out to you. Changing your thinking so that it is helpful to you to not be diva and helps other around you to learn from what you learned is the best.
 
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Julie

New member
I have just found out that my new dance school offers summer classes, so I'll be attending new classes on monday (yay!)

I am really looking forward to meet other dancers on other levels (it's a mix class, so there will be both beginners, intermediates and advanced dancers) !

So excited ! :D
 

Afrit

New member
Sign up for an advanced workshop with a master teacher when the other students are dancers with at least a decade's experience ;)
 

Aniseteph

New member
Sign up for an advanced workshop with a master teacher when the other students are dancers with at least a decade's experience ;)

:lol: Scary! Going to events or other classes outside your local group might be a more gentle reality check - works for me. Or video footage - :shok: :confused:

Maybe others in your class are taking dance just as a fun thing, or for exercise, or to be social. You have your reasons for dancing, and your level of focus, and they have theirs.
:clap: Wise words.
 

Corylus

New member
A few suggestions on how to reduce these feelings:

* remind yourself that you had to start somewhere and remember how that felt, put yourself in the shoes of the newer dancers who you are feeling negative towards

*remember that there is always something to be learnt no matter how long you have been dancing

*Think of the barriers that your negativity puts up to getting more out of dancing. You could be stopping yourself from making new friends or learning something new by feeling that you know better than all of them.

*When you say 'I am better than the others in my class' you are reinforcing your diva attitude. Try to look at the people who you look down upon and think 'what is she/he good at? where are their strengths?' rather than shutting yourself off from them.

*Just because you practice more doesn't automatically mean your a better dancer than everyone else. It is likely to help your technique, yes, but it's not just about that.

*After only a year do you truly feel you have enough experience and knowledge to decide you are better than the others?

*If you feel you would benefit from an advanced level class then go for it. As others have said it might be what you need.

For as long as you feel this way about your fellow dancers I don't feel you can be humble in your dancing. You need to learn to appreciate that each person is on their own journey in dancing, some for fun others may take it more seriously, but ultimately it shouldn't be about competing with each other to the point that you think less of anybody.

I hope this is of help to you. I also hope that none of what I have said upsets or offends you. I am not suggesting you are a horrible person for feeling this way. The fact that you have come to ask for help regarding the issue is a clear sign that you care about how you feel towards others.
In time I am sure this phase will pass and you will be happy with all your fellow dancers and you will find a level at which you can feel positive about learning.
 
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Julie

New member
As this is a very personal topic for me of course I'll be offended, but that is just what I need ;) You guys are knocking me right of my self-made pedestal and that is what this is about.

I am starting to look differently on the others now, minding your advice on looking after their strengths, and it really helps me! I don't feel negative at all anymore - e.g. I've found out that one of my classmates is very good at listening to the music and feeling it, so I'm starting to look up to her. :)

Still looking forward to start in a new class though :D
 

Aniseteph

New member
It may just be a language thing, an expression that doesn't translate, but I don't think looking up to people (and by implication down on others) is the way to look at it.

You may have classmates who can't dance to save their lives, but if they are just dancing for fun and not going out gigging or teaching and misrepresenting belly dance to other people, so what?

Like going to the gym and thinking "hey I am the fittest person here" - well so what and who cares? Maybe the person slogging away on the easiest setting on the next exercise bike finally got up the courage to join and has managed 20 minutes when last month she couldn't do 5.

It is wrong to judge other people by your goals and ambitions.
 

~Diana~

AFK Moderator
Like going to the gym and thinking "hey I am the fittest person here" - well so what and who cares? Maybe the person slogging away on the easiest setting on the next exercise bike finally got up the courage to join and has managed 20 minutes when last month she couldn't do 5.

It is wrong to judge other people by your goals and ambitions.

here! here! I know that guy feeling all to well cause when I first started I couldn't even walk fast on a treadmill for 30 seconds without being winded. Now I can run up to 5 minutes or brisk walk for 40 minutes before I start to get out of breath! Everything is an accomplishment for me. Thought others might look at me and think I'm so out of shape.
 

Caroline_afifi

New member
I think we often confuse level of ability and natural potential with enthusiasm.

Forums are a good place to be in terms of educating yourself about whats what etc. and learning about styles and music.

For further indulgence, workshops and festivals can be great for widening horizons and meeting other dancers. :D
 

Julie

New member
It may just be a language thing, an expression that doesn't translate, but I don't think looking up to people (and by implication down on others) is the way to look at it.

You may have classmates who can't dance to save their lives, but if they are just dancing for fun and not going out gigging or teaching and misrepresenting belly dance to other people, so what?

Like going to the gym and thinking "hey I am the fittest person here" - well so what and who cares? Maybe the person slogging away on the easiest setting on the next exercise bike finally got up the courage to join and has managed 20 minutes when last month she couldn't do 5.

It is wrong to judge other people by your goals and ambitions.

That is me expressing it wrong, then.
By looking up to people I mean seeing something I admire and want to do like them. Not necessarily looking down on the rest. Just one or two other classmates I feel I can really learn something from.
I know people have different goals and ambitions and I totally respect that. Some of my classmates tell me about their progress and how proud they are of themselves - and that is so great to listen to. I know how satisfying it is when you achieve a goal even if it may seem small - I just ran 5 kilometers for the first time and I'm so proud of myself, even though I know others may think it is the easiest thing in the world :)

- Julie
 

Demelza Aradia

New member
Stay on the forums! The more time I lurk here the more I learn that I do not know :D

One video that I love but always brings me smack down to earth with relation to my ability is watching this clip of Ranya Renee.



Can I do that? No, for that is pure skill and brilliance and amazingness, and I am humbled before it. This is my experience anyway. I have a little folder full of youtube links of stuff that is so incredible and inspiring it's almost discouraging, but I am addicted to them all the same.

Or if you REALLY want to oust the diva, do a choreography and get your teacher or a trusted dancer friend to really honestly critique it and tell you exactly what is lacking, or go to a huge workshop or event where there are loads of people who kick your ass.
 
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Yshka

New member
Hi there! First I will quote demelza aradia and say "stay on the forums!!" :). You'll find loads of help here. I would like to add not calling yourself an intermediate for now. This might sound strange now, but after only a year, no matter how much you've practised, watched or read, one year of bellydance doesn't make you an intermediate. Just as one year in ballet doesn't make you an intermediate ballet-dancer. Add some extra years of studying the dance (and not just the moves, but music, culture, styles, etc.) and yes, you will most likely become intermediate by then.

I suspect after a year it's difficult for most to judge their own abilities very well. In general, diva behaviour will stand in the way of being able to look at one's own skills objectively. You know, to give an extreme example: a friend of mine had a dancer come to her advanced class for a try out. The lady has been dancing for at least a decade, is teaching and calls herself a pro. She wanted a class again for some extra excercise. Even though advised to take a lower level because the level in advanced would be too high for her (she knew the lady), she kept insisting and came to class. She was completely lost and couldn't do most of the excercises and eventually left, saying she would be able to keep up just fine 'next time'.......

The way you describe your practise tells me you want to learn and are ambitious, and this is a valuable thing, but being a good dancer takes a lot more years of studying the dance, practise, studying the dance, and some more practise. IMO it takes time to grow into being able to deal with being a good dancer as well, if that makes any sense, but this will happen if you continue to dance and are open to learning from both your peers and professional dancers/teachers.

I hope you keep learning and enjoying the dance. I think it's good you ask for help. You are on the right track, but there will always be more to learn, that goes for all of us. Remember to compete only with yourself! ;)

My last two cents: ask your teacher about your dancing and how SHE feels you are progressing. Also let her know about your wanting to try a higher level, ask her opinion. It might be very helpful.
 
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gisela

Super Moderator
I remember feeling like this too. (Actually I am still struggeling with something related to it but not exactly the same)
Participating in one very difficult workshop made me realize that what I thought was advanced level, was perhaps lower intermediate in a bigger perspective. Going to festivals and other workshops with ínternational teachers and performers keep me realistic about my skills. The first time I was at a workshop where I just could NOT follow at all, after 6 years of dancing, I was devastated and suffered a severe drop in self esteem. I had always been able to catch the choreography and moves very quickly but this was on a whole nother level. Tough lesson... Now I can accept and appreciate that the level is high and that I might not get everything, and instead be in awe and get inspired by the ones who do get it.
When I discovered what was out there, I also went through a period of anger and feeling cheated by my teachers who had failed to present all these styles and facts and whatever. That has also becaome loads better and I can appreciate my teachers for their speciality skills and I see that they have much to offer.

The feeling I am struggleing with as I mentioned above is "how to separate bad self esteem from lack of skills".
Complicated matters, these feelings...
I hope you find a challenging teacher and learn all the things you never even knew existed within bellydance.
There is so much going on workshop wise in Copenhagen this fall. You should drop by and try some of it :)
 

da Sage

New member
My advice? Really enjoy this time, and immerse yourself in the dance, the music, anything tangentally related to the dance. Dance everywhere you can, keep notes, videos, etc...so when you DO hit the wall and things get tough dancewise, you can look back and remember how much fun you had...and will have again. Everyone's dance career has a series of peaks and valleys. Enjoy the peaks!:D:cool:
 

indrayu

New member
Loads of good advice here :)
To reiterate a couple of points already mentioned, which you can follow through at any time, even if other teachers and workshops are not accessible;

Video yourself dancing- but only watch it after watching several dances done by your favourite professionals

At your regular class, forget about yourself for a few minutes and notice something good about every other student

Seek your teacher's most candid opinion

Then, for the ultimate reality check, dance for a group of teenagers! (Even better if they are exuberant, not in a particularly polite mood and from a dancing culture)
 
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Kraliche

New member
Julie, I felt like this too ... ONLY UNTIL I went to an international fesitval !!!
I thought I am in intermediate level, but after I saw so many dancers who can get 5-min complicated choreo in 3 hours ... while I couldn't and felt like a dump ... now I realize that I am just a biginner.

This was a great wake up call for me, and now I am having a fresh start!;)

I strongly recommend you ( if your budget allows ) to go to a festival and/or intensive workshop with a master teacher and meet other *better* dancers ... that will be the best reality check for you.
 

Reen.Blom

New member
Hey fellow dancers!

I have been dancing for about a year now - the last six months I have had a very fast progress because I started to supplement my lessons with DVDs.
My problem is that I can feel myself starting to think less of the other dancers, and believe that I am much better than them, and I am really afraid that I will get all diva-ish!

What can I do to prevent the diva-sickness? - I am better than the others in my class, because I practice so much, but I want to stay down-to-earth and humble to the dance (can you say that? - I'm Danish so I have trouble expressing myself in english sometimes).
I read a lot about the dance (four books and tons of internet pages) - I feel like I know everything - of course I don't, but I can't help getting that feeling, because nobody in my class (including the teacher) knows anything --> here we have the diva-problem again.

Please give my some advice!

Love,
Julie

Go to a REAL advanced group, or workshop.... gosh... a lifetime to learn...

But I know the feeling... Its rather being sad about other's less enthusiastic attitude, then being a diva... I guess other ppl might attend for different reason with no real interest in dance....
 

Julie

New member
I am very happy for your advice. It gives me something to think about !

I just discovered that there's a show on tonight about 40 kilometers from my house, so I'll grab my friend and take a minor roadtrip :)
 
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