New teacher~ feeling intimidated. What to do?

A

Anjanah

New member
After taking her class last night I feel very intimidated for a very superficial reason and am here looking for a shoulder to whine on. Her class consisted of three gorgeous, young ladies with bodies to die for. Tiny, graceful little gazelles. They are part of her troupe and at least intermediate level dancers.

I, on the other hand, am a middle aged fat lady. As soon as I saw these young ladies with their slim size 2 bodies I felt so bad. I wondered if they thought I had no business being there with them, ruining the class esthetic. They has their tiny little Sharif wear tops on and capri pants and sequin scarves, while I had on a tee shirt with a gypsy skirt looking like a old haus frau.

For the most part I was able to keep up with their choreography, although teacher had to clarify some moves for me. As shallow as it sounds, I just felt awful being there and looking like I do. I am losing weight, but am 40 lbs away from my goal.

In my other class, with teacher "A", I fit right in. We are all older, and no one looks like they belong on a CD cover. Can anyone empathise with this?

Sorry for the whine, but if anyone understands, it may be someone here.
Don't yell at me, I am sad enough.

Thanks :(
 
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Jujube

Jujube

New member
If you have the dance skills, you belong in that class.

I'll tell you, I'm a size 0 dancer and love little dance tops. You know who intimidates me?? Middle-aged women who know what they're about and do their own thing. And you know what else--Goddess-sized women with big curves and skilled moves blow me away every time.

So if you can tow the line in terms of the dance, you stand your ground in there and rock it as only you can.
 
T

teela

New member
Anjanah:
Please don't compare your size to theirs. We all have our insecurities, especially when it comes to the body. A doctor's wife I knew in the late 60's had a sister who was a professional belly dancer. I still remember her words to this day. "In order to belly dance you need a belly." Size has nothing to do with belly dancing. Look at so many of the classical Egyptian stars and I"ll tell you right now they are not a size 0. They are built. You need to check out a site Shira has that celebrates the real woman. To quote the title of a great stage play "Real Women Have Curves".
You are there to learn more so you can advance. Go forth and concentrate on what the teacher has to offer and don't worry about the others.
By the way this is from a 50 something lady who is on the slender side and is always cold......LOL
 
MissVega

MissVega

New member
To me "Real Women" come in ALL shapes and sizes, not just with curves.

I am an instructor and I have had classes where the youngest is a 16 year old and the oldest is over 60 and we still all managed to learn and have fun together despites differences in age, size, energy, and skill. If you're there to improve your dancing and move forward, then I agree with what others have said, your size does not matter, it won't make a difference to your ability to do the moves. The dedication to learning them is what makes the difference. You have every right to be in that class with them and I sincerely doubt that the instructor minds at all, if anything she is probably happy for the diversification of her group.

I wish you all the best in your dance journey and keep your chin up and keep smiling, size has no impact on whether or not you are entitled to move on in this genre of dance:)
Happy shimmies:D
 
Gia al Qamar

Gia al Qamar

New member
Jujube put it so well...And please remember...that while you're heavy breathing over these beauties, did you ever stop to think that they're envying you? They probably are! Looks are superficial...when a dancer begins to share what is in her soul with her audience, THAT's where you see the real beauty emerge. I understand how you feel...we all want what we don't have...but never forget your dance gifts...they're heads and tails more important than...well...heads and tails.
 
Salome

Salome

Administrator
In order to progress we have to step outside of our comfort zone. Whatever our comfort zone is can be particular to us but I often think that working forward in dance often means sometimes having to work through our own 'stuff' too. I applaud you for taking your dance journey to the next level. Sometimes in can be uncomfortable in some way... but rewarding too. Maybe think of a little affirmation to say to yourself, before, during, after this class that affirms the positive, your strengths and gifts and commend yourself for pushing forward.
 
Daimona

Daimona

Moderator
You're lucky to have the opportunity to both learn for teacher "A" and teacher "B".
Go ahead, enjoy the dance and learn as much as you can from both of them.

Do not care about the looks of the other dancers in your class, but concentrate on yourself and the teacher to get the most out of the class. As Jujube and others have said: "If you have the dance skills, you belong in that class."

If you absolutely insist on comparing how you look in your B-teacher's class: Remember that various moves will look different on different body types. That is exactly why you should concentrate on you, not them.

When you are the only plus-sized dancer in a class it could be harder to develop your own style and deciding how different moves will look best on your body. Ask your teachers (yes, ask both of them) to help you tune in what looks best for you.
You'd also need more full-sized role-models, so you'll need to supply watching videos and pictures of full-figured dancers for more role models. You'll find some fine examples at Bellydance for Plus-Sized Women, Belly Dance for Full-Figured Women, and Bellydancing for Big Beautiful Women (BBW).

As for the "dress code" in this class: If wearing a tee shirt with a gypsy skirt make you feel like "an old haus frau", how about wearing jazz pants or flare pants with the tee instead? Or perhaps a tee with flared sleeves? It doesn't have to bee a "tiny sharif top and capri pants" (I'd feel terribly unconfortable if I had to wear any of those :rolleyes:). A leotard (with the skirt/pants) or unitard with a mesh covering the midriff could be another example of exercise outfit that would be flattering for plus-sized students as well as slender body types.

I hope this helps a bit. Good luck!
 
A

Anjanah

New member
I want to thank each and every one of you for your kindness and thoughtful responses to yet another whiny weight post. I laughed a little because one of the tiny girls last night said she wished she had more to shake...or something to that effect. :clap:

As I said, I am losing weight, about 15lbs so far. I do plan on staying curvy cause frankly at 48 I may not have a whole lot of choice. ( menopause you know! )

When I wear my harem pants and form fitting tee I do actually look better than in loser clothes. It was belly dancing that was the impetus for my weight loss. I was so sick and tired of not looking good in my costumes and struggling to make things that hid me, making me look even larger. I make my own costumes, so the beautiful outfits that many plus sized dancers wear that do look really nice on them, well that's not in the budget or necessary for someone like me, who basically amuses the residents of nursing homes every month or so ( with my classmates in group "A". )

Hopefully teacher "B" will whip me into a fine dancer. She certainly has the ability to create fine dancers, from what I can see.

Thanks everyone- Much love to you all!!! :)
 
Shanazel

Shanazel

Moderator
Congratulations on moving up to the next level of dance!!!!! Go! Go! Go!

 
Mosaic

Mosaic

Super Moderator
I can understand your feelings of intimidation, just remember you are there to learn, to improve and to be the best you can be. It is scary joining a new class at the best of times and maybe some of your feelings are coming from being the new person and not knowing the other students who happen to be little things ( and younger I presume:D) and not knowing the teacher, you have stepped out of your 'comfort' zone and that is always intimidating. As you get to know the teacher and students you will find you will relax and feel more comfortable and will love the class as much as the other class.

Congrats on taking those 'scary' steps and remember it will get better, and also remember how the young lass said to you that she wished she had a bit more to shake, so you must be proving to them you have what it takes & can dance - and it is the dance that you are all there for:D:dance:
~Mosaic
 
Reen.Blom

Reen.Blom

New member
Stick with it girl you can do it!!!!!!! Your task is the get as much as you can from the experienced beautiful dancer, your teacher, and who on earth cares what others think? Show those gals that you can do it as well as they can!

Be sure to wear something you feel good in. Very important to be comfy in you clothes!!

In my class its all the oposite - im the one in a tshirt and a gypsy skirt and the older bigger ladies wearing sparkles and coins and man, they are having a blast!

Main point is to have fun, be comfortable in own skin, own world. No use to compare yourself to others, there is always someone more pretty, more thin or more curvy, smarter, richer, more talented. But we have to show THAT WE ARE WHAT WE ARE.

Just enjoy dancing and know that you can do it as well (if not better) than those girls. ;)
 
A

Anjanah

New member
Reen.Blom said:
Stick with it girl you can do it!!!!!!! Your task is the get as much as you can from the experienced beautiful dancer, your teacher, and who on earth cares what others think? Show those gals that you can do it as well as they can!

Be sure to wear something you feel good in. Very important to be comfy in you clothes!!

In my class its all the oposite - im the one in a tshirt and a gypsy skirt and the older bigger ladies wearing sparkles and coins and man, they are having a blast!

Main point is to have fun, be comfortable in own skin, own world. No use to compare yourself to others, there is always someone more pretty, more thin or more curvy, smarter, richer, more talented. But we have to show THAT WE ARE WHAT WE ARE.

Just enjoy dancing and know that you can do it as well (if not better) than those girls. ;)
Click to expand...

Thank you dear lady. :) The older woman in my primary class with teacher "A" come all blinged out too. It does make it much more fun.
 
Greek Bonfire

Greek Bonfire

Well-known member
Not to sound like I'm bragging but I have a pretty good body. But I get tired of goddess sized dancers who automatically assume that because I'm not overweight, I am a beyatch without getting to know me. When I go to class, I could care less what size you are but am more interested in you as a person and your interest in dance. But when these goddess DIVAS put up walls based on sight judgment it upsets me as much as slender girls treating goddess sized dancers badly. In other words, don't make judgments based on others' looks either. I'm not saying that anybody here is like that but I've seen "reverse discrimination" enough and it's not nice either. I've spoken with other slender dancers who get this treatment and it's not right either.

:protest: Okay, off of my soapbox.
 
Reen.Blom

Reen.Blom

New member
Yeahhhh..... I would hate to think the ladies in my class want me out cos of different age group/ body shape... I guess i joined later.... but it is all about enthusiasm and love of dance....
 
L

LunaXJJ

New member
Even your first teacher recognizes you've advanced beyond her class. She wouldn't tell you to go more advanced if she didn't think you were ready.

Also, belly dancing isn't for one type of person. Its for people of all shapes, sizes, and ages. Don't ever think you're not good enough just because you've got some meat on you, and because you weren't born at the right time. Have some confidence in yourself.

I've noticed more mistakes in people who are insecure, than confident ones. When you worry, you tend to tense up, confidence will help you loosen up, and have fun.

Best ofluck to you, and congrats on your advancement.
 
C

Corylus

New member
I'm not keen on the phrase 'real women'. It's nonsensical; any woman in existence is a 'real' woman. No woman can be called more or less real than another because of weight or appearance.


Definition of real:

1. existing or occurring in the physical world; not imaginary, fictitious, or theoretical; actual

with credit to the free dictionary.com


I know it might be an obvious statement to make, but that phrase gets thrown around often and it doesn't really mean anything. Also, that phrase promotes judgement of thinner ladies i.e. skinny women aren't real women.

The bottom line is don't make your weight an issue as far as your dancing is concerned. If you are trying to lose weight then that's great and I wish you the best of luck but you have every right to be in that class. Even if those ladies do judge you (which it doesn't sound like they are) rise above it. Enjoy your class, it's your time, money and dance experience! Happy dancing! :dance:
 
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