Have You've Ever....

[Yasmine Bint Al Nubia]

Hi Everyone, Have you've ever had a troupemate or student that constantly harps and picks other students apart, while not able to correct their own faults? How do you handle it?
Here's my rant: Tonght at troupe practice, dancer X continue to point out the "faults" of others during practice and I was beginning to become unnerved because she has been doing this type of stuff for the last 4 yrs. So she made a comment about my hip slide shimmy and hitting the mark before everyone else. Well I blew , I stopped the music and looked her dead in the eye and told her" I kow you are trying to help, but you are distracting me. IT DOES NOT HELP ME TO DANCE BETTER BUT CREATES UNNECESSARY TENSION! Well she got quiet and than apologized profusely and then said "i just wanted it to be perfect". I was like a pit bull with a mouth ful of meat and my reply was that "I'm not perfect and will never be and it would be better if she would pay attention to her own dance!" My teacher and other troupemates had smirks on their faces as we resumed practice.
The reason why I became so mad was that this was not the first time she has done this and she has managed to run aawy other dancers who didn't stand up for themselves. as a caution to other troupes, do not let this happen repeatedly until become ou tof control. Everyone of us have the right tobe able enjoy dance without the passive aggressive behavior of others. Now I'm done. Thanks for listening.
Yasmine

 

[da Sage]

*Stands up and claps*

That is the best, most appropriate response ever.:lol:

I am putting that one in my playbook; I hope I never need to use it.

 

[Mouse]

great response! Perhaps it will be something she will remember the next time she feels like picking someone elses dancing to peices.

 

[chryssanthi sahar]

Yasmine, that was cool I think this is the only way to treat such people

 

[Moon]

:clap: I'm sure the other dancers in your troup are proud of you (except for dancer X, lol!)

 

[Safran]

:clap: Good response, Yasmine! It is like a perfect example from a behaviour book - you tried to see her view, but added yours to it, explaining how it makes you and others feel. I hope she did understand the point and will try to restrain herself from now on.

Actually, the three steps to a weighed and sensible response to anything that disturbs you are supposed to be following:
* describe the situation as objectively as possible, don't judge it
* then describe the effect of this situation on you
* then say how it makes you feel.

That is a good theory, actually. It is hard to overcome your emotions though and use it every time :think:

 

[Aisha Azar]

Have you ever.

Dear Yasmine,
That was perfection on your part!
One question... why has your teacher allowed this behavior to continue? At the first sign of any of that nonsese, I immediately tell the class that I am the instructor and as such, all correction will be left up to me, though students are welcome to compliment each other when someone does something beautifully.
Regards, A'isha

 

[Yasmine Bint Al Nubia]

Thanks Everyone for your comments and support, I always feel better when i can get something off my chest.
Dear Aisha, I wish I can answer your question directly, because I really don't know, she has spoken to dancer X numerous times about her behavior. There are also times where she has told me that she feels weighed down. In any event I wish she was more assertive of her position as teacher/troupe leader and ask this toxic person to leave. Since I can't control neither her or dancer X's behavior, I choose to speak up for myself and let her know how I feel.
Yasmine

 

[Nayila]

well done

Yasmine :
i think that you handled a bad situation wtih class and grace. Your leader should follow you and keep that dancer's comments as well as any new or current members who travel that road at bay immediately. In our troupe, Miss Know it all was voted out like in survivor!

 

[Ludmilla]

Good going, Yasmine!! It takes courage to on the spur of the moment come up w/ the right thing to say and "call" someone who is being that way (like Dancer X). Esp people who pick on other's dancing....? Who among us can do that? Unless that person Is the teacher, I don't feel another student should have that "right" to speak to other students (esp during the class and so disruptive) like that. It was soo inappropriate and you really helped other(s) who was being picked on, very much! Ludmilla

 

[Maria_Aya]

Bravo Yasmine !!!!:clap:
Good for you !!!!!

Its always in the place of the teacher to deal with these situations (admiting that I'm weak to do it) but have too!!!

Maria Aya

 

[gwinity]

Well done, Yasmine! I wouldn't have had the courage to stand up to her like that. :clap:

 

[sparklyraven]

Yasmine you are my hero! :dance: thank you! In my troupe there is a dancer who does this. She is a step nazi. Everyone knows this and we kinda joke about it and She is one that has an attitude of "if its not perfect, you shouldn't be doing it" which takes all the fun out of dance I think. Usually we ignore her and the critiques are usually with choreography "Oh you stepped on the wrong foot there, you turned the wrong direction there, etc....." and its done very snottily like "see you can't do it as well as I." She never has anything nice to say about anyone's dancing or anything else for that matter. I have come really close to flat out telling her to knock it off but for some reason she is a troupe teacher's favorite (partly because she makes herself extrememly available for her) and I don't wish to create friction but I also think something needs to be said. This person has also done some serious backstabbing so I can't even say "she's a good person, but she has this lousy insecurity about perfection, the poor dear."

When the time is right, I will remember your strength and your power and the wonderful way you handled the situation, saying it honestly but in a way that gives compassion yet lays it out there so she has to look at it. Thank you.

 

[Yasmine Bint Al Nubia]

Hi Sparklyraven, i'm sure you will know when the time is right and your words won't fail you. It may be a good idea to privately speak to your teacher about how her behavior affects you. Even though you may perceive this dancer to be her favorite, your teacher has an obligation to you as well as the rest of the class to provide a stress free learning environment.
Yasmine

 

[Yshka]

Well done Yasmine!!:clap:

Sparklyraven, don't be afraid to talk about it to your teacher. It occurred in a troupe I'm in as well, and we talked to the teacher about it, it was just going too far (this dancer had done some work for the teacher and had been very helpful as well, also she had been making weird remarks for quite some time to just about everyone, even correcting teachers on moves she can't execute properly herself:shok: ).

In our troupe, Miss Know it all was voted out like in survivor!

Yup, exactly what happened. This dancer left shortly after and the troupe is at peace once again

 

[da Sage]

what to do?

this dancer...had been making weird remarks for quite some time to just about everyone, even correcting teachers on moves she can't execute properly herself:shok:

A classmate of mine has taken it upon herself to help my teacher teach better. The classmate is always making comments about teaching methods that work for her (she's a schoolteacher), and gives "encouraging feedback" when our dance teacher does something she likes (like breaking down a move - the class is becoming more dance-savvy, so our dance teacher *intentionally* doesn't break everything down at first, just to see how well we pick things up). I really like my classmate, but I'm uncomfortable with how she's treating my teacher.

Don't get me wrong; I am usually the first to clamor for a breakdown or verbal description of the move if I need one. I engage in side chats with other students about muscles and movements while the teacher changes the music. My worst habit is making remarks out loud in class (which I try to minimize). But my job as a student is to get what I need out of the class, without monopolizing the teacher's time. It isn't to "help" the teacher teach.

I just wonder why my classmate is taking my teacher's class, if she thinks her teaching methods need so much work?

What, if anything, should I say to my classmate? I can tell she loves the dance. I just find it stressful to see her repeatedly give the teacher tips.

 

[Yshka]

Da sage, that is just really annoying. This dancer I was talking about also thinks she needs to correct the teacher at whatever she is doing...

She stopped doing it (not at all, but it minimized a great deal) after the teacher had a talk with her.

You might be able to talk to your teacher about it and see how she feels and decide with her what to say or so. Or you could go Yasmine style and break it to her in class that you feel she should stop undermining your teachers methods because they don't seem to bother anyone else and she makes others feel uncomfortable by doing so.

I hope this makes sense, I really agree you should say something at least. I know how irritating and disruptive this can be