
Originally Posted by
A'isha Azar
Dear Eshta,
For me, a lot of the fear is just based on doing things as if I am an extrovert when in actuality I am an introvert. I like to spend lots of time by myself and I have to dig deep to get in front of people to teach or perform. After many years of teaching in the same location, I am now completely comfortable teaching my weekly classes. When I teach workshops, or in other locations besides my own place, then it takes a few minutes for me to get over being afraid that I brought material beneath the skills of the dancers (though I always have a plan B so I am not sure why the anxiety about that). What if I appear to the class to be too fat and old to learn stuff from? What if I just can't express the dance well enough for them? I mean, the intellectual side of my brain knows all that is nonsense, but the emotional part of my brain seems to take time to adjust to the new situation. I want so much for people to leave the class with a sense that they, personally, got something important for themselves while they were there; something that will help them do justice to the dance and become the dancers they want to be.
There is also the fear that I will not do the dance justice. What if I am just not good enough tonight? What if my body and soul fail me and I can not create the intricate, intimate, warmth of the dance for some reason? What if I let the dance down on some level?
Oddly enough, once I have been dancing or teaching for a few minutes, then this feeling goes away and it just becomes all about the dance and my training kicks in and I get my self together and do the best I can by the dance. There is little else that I can do at that point, really, is there?
Regards,
A'isha
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