How much has your self-confidence grown because of bellydancing?

Belly Love

New member
I'm another one who does NOT think she is at ALL pretty...and I've had plenty of what the self help books would call "verbal and non-verbal feedback" to support this belief. And only one short period of comments from a (now former) male friend and a single instance of another guy flirting to counteract that....meaning so far, "LadyLoba, you are not at all pretty. Men do not find you attractive" wins by about a billion messages to two.

(and it doesn't help that the first guy turned so mean on me that even thinking of that now hurts more than helps...but the meannes was not appearance related)

So...anyone who thinks that about herself...I know how you feel...and I hope bellydance improves this belief for me....and everyone else....

Though I too am SO sad to see anyone else in that kind of pain :(:(

It makes me sad to read this... I don't know who's been telling you that your not pretty, but don't feed into it. I've seen your pics and you should have plenty to feel good about. EVERYONE has something physically beautiful about them and keep in mind, physical beauty is different to everyone.

For me, it helps to play up what I feel good about. What do you like about yourself physically? Maybe it's your hair, your legs... playing up that part of your body can help you to focus on the positives. Over time, this can help to minimize what you think are the negatives. ;)
 

Nejmeh

New member
I'm another one who does NOT think she is at ALL pretty...and I've had plenty of what the self help books would call "verbal and non-verbal feedback" to support this belief. And only one short period of comments from a (now former) male friend and a single instance of another guy flirting to counteract that....meaning so far, "LadyLoba, you are not at all pretty. Men do not find you attractive" wins by about a billion messages to two.

(and it doesn't help that the first guy turned so mean on me that even thinking of that now hurts more than helps...but the meannes was not appearance related)

So...anyone who thinks that about herself...I know how you feel...and I hope bellydance improves this belief for me....and everyone else....

Though I too am SO sad to see anyone else in that kind of pain :(:(

Sweetie, I saw your pictures and you look good! What do you consider as 'all that pretty'? We women tend to hold ourselves(and eachother, womens biggest enemy are women) up to unreal standards, nobody is 'all that'. Even those girls you think are perfect look at them self in the mirrors doing excactly what we do, listing everything they want to change! If her but/belly/bossem is tiny she will want a bigger one or the other way around.

I don`t really believe in being pretty but in being attractive. And being attractive has got to do with if you leave an good impression on someone.
I am also not a girl who fits the catalogue/mtv standards with my arab nose and body shape ánd being clumsy as hell(I am the kind of girl that walks into glass doors:D). And yes, I have had plenty of people pointing that out to me and yes, I also was devestated by it so many times(I was bullied quite abit by the 'all that'crowd). I actually know the moment I changed my mind about this attitude! This was all in high school and I lost about 20 kg thanks to bd, gained about 35 cm in hair and don`t wear the alternative clothes I used to anymore. I ran into one of the 'all that'girls a couple of years ago in a train and I didn`t recognize her though she didn`t even change that much! She recognized the eyes and kept telling me she wished had greenish eyes like that, the 'exotic appearance' and the curvey body I have now. 'Because we have plenty of blond haired, blue eyed, size 0, tall girls here and if you are not one of them you can always spend money to become one. They are twelve in a dozen(?), you couldn`t pick them out of a line-up. You are unique, there is only one of you.' It`s like food, just because fastfood is selling doesn`t make it good food. Even if 75 % of the population thinks hamburgerbuns are supposed to taste like beervilts.

Another way to change the way you look is to look at what you find attractive in others. I often find natural, one of a kind people much more attractive. Also the ones that have a unique passion, a unique personality! For me, my boyfriend is the most attractive when he is just out of bed, looking like a plucked out sheep and having a beard of 3 days. Not when he is in his suit, looking sharp! (but perhaps thats just my little thing, hehe)
 

LadyLoba

New member
Update on my answer.....

...Ive got my "I hate my whole body" attitude down to 3 specific areas...upper arms, thighs, and lower stomach (pretty typical areas of wrath for women) but I'm starting to see the rest of it differently.
 

Farasha Hanem

New member
...Ive got my "I hate my whole body" attitude down to 3 specific areas...upper arms, thighs, and lower stomach (pretty typical areas of wrath for women) but I'm starting to see the rest of it differently.

I'm glad you're coming to terms with your body image, LadyLoba. It's hard, I know. I have a vertical C-section scar and stretch marks from having my son. For too many years, I felt my body was ugly, and was ashamed of it. Even after starting bellydance classes, I was still struggling with this issue, along with getting older.

Then earlier this year, the light bulb finally went off inside my head. You know how sometimes you can know something, but not really know? That's how it was with me. If it hadn't been for that C-section, my beautiful son would have died, and there was a chance that I might have died, too. So now, my scars come to represent something different for me. Instead of ugliness and a bad body image, now my scars represent life.

I'm not sure if what I've shared with you helps you in any way, LadyLoba, but I hope that you will very soon learn to love yourself. You are beautiful, not only on the outside, but also on the inside, where it counts the most. :)
 

Darshiva

Moderator
Last week I'd been having a pretty low week, feeling all obese & bloated & a student came up to me & said how wonderful my body was & that it must all be down to dancing.

Even when we're out our lowest low, somebody will find us beautiful. Might as well cash in on that feeling & just love yourself for yourself I think. Harder to do it than to say it though, but it's a thought to keep you warm at night,no?
 
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LadyLoba

New member
As I've Studied Belly Dance, I've Thought about This Topic..

As I've studied a bit longer, I have thought about this topic, and have even begun to use it in my fiction writing, and now that I can answer in a deeper way...I have to say there are many things about belly dance that have helped me with my appearance/body image issues: (and just for reference...mine are severe...to the point that I meet the diagnostic criteria for body dysmorphic disorder)

What has helped my appearance issues in belly dance:

1. The effects of the exercise on appearance. I know...we're supposed to exercise for health, and I do, but I also am enjoying it that I'm getting definition to my abs, toning my thighs and upper arms, and keeping my wasit measurement/weight under control.

2. Seeing all the different body types and appearances of women who belly dance and knowing that a lot of people find them attractive.

3. The way the dance makes you look closely at your body without standing there looking for flaws. To check your moves during practice, you have to look at yourself, but I think for a lot of women, it's the first time they've taken a close look at their bodies without it being all about standing there looking for things to hate. This can help a person notice good features.

And to be honest....a couple things that make me feel worse:

1. Getting lectured about "inner beauty," told "everyone is beautiful," "the most beautiful women I know have beautiful souls" etc. I've gotten this or read this a few times on a variety of belly dance sites, and no matter how you phrase it, defend it, or try to justify it, all you're really doing is either agreeing with the person that they aren't attractive or brushing them off as shallow because it's an issue you can't relate to...or both. To be perfectly honest, I just disregard it when people say this to me now, but it certainly can make a person feel even uglier to get an "inner beauty" lecture like that. I know it has for me. PS: (nobody who posted here is referred to with this..:) )

2. The costumes can be a little intimidating for someone whose body image issues center at least partly on their lower stomach.

Overall, however, the "pros" are stronger than the "cons"...and while belly dance is not going to cure severe, lifelong body image issues, it does help..at least it does in my case.

I can completely understand the original poster's sentiments :) :)
 
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walladah

New member
talking about confidence

well, bellydance made me to be more bold in everything - or just gave me the perfect pretext: i am a bellydancer, no-one can intimidate me - what would a bellydancer do in A, B, C situation?

However, have you ever thought what we really think it is beautiful?

Farasha Hanem, you hit the point: it is not the scar, it is not the belly who is not flat as floor, it is the story the body bears with it.

I never understood why a scar on a man's body is something like the Valenty Award and a scar on a woman's body (esp. when she brought a baby into life) is just ugly.

Is it us that we discuss beauty on wrong terms, as if we need to be like plastic dolls who have lived nothing? Why do we say that a man, the older he gets, the more attractive he becomes, while a woman of the same age has to hide herself, or just undertake a series of plastic surgery to hide the life she lived?

Let alone the body shapes: why, for goodness sake, in all traditional costuming, throughout continents and eras, there is no ugly woman, while in modern clothing you have to be somehow only to find some stuff to wear at work, as the all sizes and designs request a woman whom we have not probably met in our real lives?
 

theresaleloup

New member
you know, I was just thinking about this, it's part of my struggle in my transition from just a student to dancing in a resturant.

I am one of those kids who really struggles with body image- and sees very little beauty in herself. it's been hard for me to really let go of my self doubt and dance without caring what others think of me. the words "beautiful" and "sexy" make me cringe, I kid you not- simply because I don't feel they fit (silly me- I let years of not caring and not understanding get to me- and stupid boys say mean things to me- )

my fault.

but dancing seriously (this never happened for me as a casual student) has begun to make me carry myself differenly, see myself differently, think of myself differently. and I can say, confidently, that it's been a big cataylst in making me want to see myself as beautiful and confident.

let's see if that ever happens, but until then, yes, this dance has upped my self confidence a lot.
 

LuLu

New member
Unfortunately I am one of those who is harder on myself and my looks Im a larger girl so its hard to be happy when you hear so much about 0 is the new sexy stuff. when I can afford to take classes I notice I carry myself differently and am happier and confident...but that only lasts so long.:confused:
 

Za Linda

New member
not "looks" so much as "movement"

This has been an interesting thread to read. It sounds like most people focus on static beauty and not on the other forms. Call it poetry in motion?

I've always been fairly happy with the appearance of my body. I'm tall and skinny, long torso, big hips and small waist and chest. Tiny feet and hands. My neck is long and I have a big nose. But I love how I look, now. When I was at school, I felt embarrassed to be the tallest girl in the class. Later, I discovered that I wasn't tall enough to be a supermodel, and that kind of put things in perspective. "Looks" per se weren't a problem.

But I was seriously unhappy with my coordination and movement. I've always been dangerously clumsy. As a child, I fell over a lot, and banged my hips walking through doorways, skinned my knees, cut myself (accidentally) in the kitchen. I was terrible at sports - slow, very uncoordinated; a teacher's nightmare. I have severe scoliosis and lordosis as well, so my posture was pretty bad; and I had no idea what "stand up straight" meant, despite hearing it several times a day. You know those dreams where you're running through treacle? That was me on the track on sports day. A few years ago, I was still so clumsy that I was derided as "an elephant" by my tennis coach. (Yep, had to keep trying out different things...long-distance running, rock-climbing, martial arts, etc... the appetite for self-development!) So, I've ALWAYS had this personal view of myself as this clumsy woman covered in bruises moving through treacle: a different kind of "ugly", but still ugly.

You know what I'm going to say now, right? I started learning to dance 12 months ago. I practise at least an hour every day. After a few weeks, I started seeing small improvements in how I move; just little things about how I balance, turn, stand. I went to a few workshops. My posture improved. I started to learn about proprioceptors and breathing. And then, I started feeling "graceful" - a word I would never have used to describe myself before. I started learning choreography, which has taught me synchronisation (another skill that was sadly lacking - have I no mirror neurons??) I can't wait to learn new skills and see how my body responds.

I went to visit my parents last month, and my mother was surpised at my new ability to move. She recorded me dancing on video, and I hardly recognise myself. So, naturally I think belly dance is a brilliant way of retraining muscles and neural systems! GO, BELLY DANCE TEACHERS! You rock! :D
 

LadyLoba

New member
That whole "size 0" thing gets to me sometimes too...then I remember that the only women who are going to look good in a size 0 are women who have the type of frame and bone structure that fits naturally into such a tiny size. In other words: women who do not starve themselves to get that small.

I have learned NOT to take celebrity reporting of their sizes seriously though. Some of them are tiny, and some of them starve themselves down to being too small for their size, and some of them flat out pay publicists to make sure it gets out that they're whatever size is the "in" size right now..even if they're someone whose body size and shape would never fit into that size in a million years.

Kim Kardashian recently admitted that she's about two or three sizes bigger than she used to claim...after a bunch of fashion bloggers pointed out that someone with her body size and curves is not going to be a two.

I have to admit...I shook my head on that one. If a genie popped up and said I could magically be a size 0-2 or I could magically have Kim Kardashian's figure, but would just have to be whatever size that made me...I'd take Kim Kardashian's figure in a heartbeat.

On the belly dance...I go back and forth. Sometimes it really does help my self confidence, though sometimes, nothing will. But I do have to note that people really shouldn't go by me....I have body image issues that go far beyond the normal women's body issues...so where I might need belly dance plus a makeover plus therapy plus three other things....belly dance might bring a huge improvement for most.
 

Starmouth

New member
This is a lovely and very interesting thread to read through. :)

For me, belly dancing has completely changed the way I feel about my body. I have far more body confidence, not only because I feel more 'outwardly' beautiful, but because I am good at something! I am still learning, so obviously I'm not super skilled, but from day one it felt like a natural way to move. I was hooked!

All through my teens I was very, very self-conscious. I had a very womanly, developed figure from about 12 years old and was much taller and bustier than all my friends. I hated it! All I wanted was to be petite, dainty and pretty, but instead I was too big, too dark, too hairy. In my eyes anyway! There are almost no photos of me between the ages of 12 and 18 because I could not stand the way I looked. This improved a little as I entered my twenties, but it was when I discovered belly dancing that my self-confidence really grew. I look no different than I did two years ago. But in photos I smile and hold my head up, and that makes a huge difference!

I am still tall, busty, large-hipped and funny looking. But now I love it. I dont think I will ever hate my body again. Thank you belly dance!
 

LadyFatima

New member
I would LOVE to just sit on this thread for an hour and talk about how much belly dancing has skyrocketed my self-esteem and self-confidence.:D

I've only been a belly dancer for about 6 months, and up until that point, I really didn't know much about the history and significance of "Raks Sharki." And then I spent weeks online doing research on the topic and I can say that I was MORE than satisfied with the information I found. I was like "Are you SERIOUS?! You mean there's actually an ancient dance out there that actually celebrates the human (female) form instead of constraining it?? And it's been practiced for centuries??":shok:

But I remember that after I decided that this was something that I really wanted to participate in, I started looking online on Youtube for dancers that matched my body type and had a technique that would fit me best.

I was ESTATIC when I found out that unlike other forms of dance, belly dancers came in every color, size and shape. I was so suprised/happy!:dance:

Up until this point, I had always felt sensitive about my weight. Now keep in mind that I'm not a very big girl (technically anyway) I'm about 5''3'. 36C chest size, full hips and thighs and a slightly narrow waist. I may be what my mother calls a "Chubbykins":) After seeing so many pictures and videos of full figured and "goddess-like" belly dancers online, I seriously felt like I fit right in!

And to my surprised, after putting on a little performance for close family and friends recently, I got quite a few compliments on my full and healthy figure ^_^ Honest to goodness, when I'm dancing (either in front of people in practicing alone) I seriously DO feel like a goddess. I get this amazing surge of confidence and energy that I've NEVER felt with anything else I've done until this point.

I feel happy and proud of my womanly shape, I'd I want to be a belly dancer for as long as I can:cool:


[This is a video of my current idol/muse, the ever talented and lovely, Suheir Zaki. My body type is pretty identical to hers, so you can imagine how thrilled I am about that LOL]


YouTube - Suheir Zaki ??????? ???? ???
 

LadyLoba

New member
THAT's what your figure looks like and you describe yourself as chubby?? That's a beautiful figure.

But we don't often see ourselves as other people see us...for so many reasons.

I got interested in belly dancing from watching Shakira videos...but I think the reasons I zeroed in on the belly dancing and got interested in doing it myself was one...I wanted at least one thing to do that wasn't in my field: Language Arts. I write non-fiction and very short fiction pieces for a living, and my other activities are novel writing and languages...and two..I hoped it would make me feel better about myself both in the "I can do something else" way and in the body image way.

It's working so far...:D
 

Imeera

New member
Reading though this thread is so amazing. I feel the same as many of you that posted here how belly dance has helped you in different ways.

My confidence has shot up, I am more comfortable with myself and thrilled to realise I am actually good at this, it comes naturally, and I am quite flexible. I thought I was average or below average, and that I would be awful at dance as I never have tried in the past. I am 5'7" with 32FF chest and an hour glass figure. I hide my bust and figure all the time I am extremely self-conscious about it, I also thought that I was a lot chubbier than I actually am too which is kind of contradicting I know xD But when I dance, I don't feel that way. I realise which my figure is and when I am with other dancers I am happy to move my body in ways that would make me embarrassed and run out the room normally :lol:

When I dance, I feel so full of happiness, I feel comfortable and alive. Its such a specific feeling. But I am sure everyone here knows exactly what I am talking about :D
 
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