Dancing for Arab men only...

Sapphira

New member
Hi,

What is the etiquette when dancing for a group of Arabic men only?

How does one accept tips without 'crossing boundaries'?

Are there cultural norms I can adhere to? (I am blonde and Australian so I want to be sure I know what is acceptable and expected of me.)

Many thanks,

Sapph
 
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da Sage

New member
Is this a gig you already have?

I would recommend bringing a male friend to any men's-only performance that you do.
 

Sapphira

New member
Hi there! Yeah, it is a current gig.

It's very well paid and I have been asked back three times and I've been asked to stay later and later. It's for the same group of friends and the restaurant owner each week.

Re taking a male friend, it is a private party in a small room of a restaurant so if I did bring a friend they would not be able to watch the performance, they would have to be in another room until the show finished.

Do you think that would still be advisable?
 

Zumarrad

Active member
Um. What part of Australia did you grow up in? The part inhabited entirely by nuns?

All my Standard Girl Alarm Bells are going off at this one. A group of men want you alone and unchaperoned in a private room, dancing for them? Are you crazy?

Insist that your male friend be present the whole time or it's no go. Also make it clear that if anybody touches you, you're out. I wouldn't do it at all, myself, but if you have a chaperone with you that you trust it might be OK.

It's unfortunate that we have to take these precautions, but better safe than sorry.
 

Sapphira

New member
I think the chaperone is a great idea.

The restaurant I am working in is always full upstairs and they do invite some of the other guests (male and female) down to view the show so it's been been fine so far but I think it's definitely better to err on the side of caution, as they say...

What about a male drummer who could be part of the show and chaperone?
 

Rebecca_

New member
Are you sure you want to perform for an all male crowd? Make sure these men don't have any false impressions about bellydancing. It would be a shame for you to show up and for them to think you were some sort of stripper. All male events can be kind of sketchy, I would agree that you should talk to whoever is organizing this and set some ground rules such as no touching. As for tips, get them to throw the tips over your head. Ask a waiter to pick them up for you at the end of the night, it's not terribly graceful to pick them up yourself.
 

Miss_Winnii

New member
and make shure they see you chapperone! Or else it wont make any difference. I have the luck my Husband is a muslim, and he nows how to deal this things...
 

da Sage

New member
Hi there! Yeah, it is a current gig.

It's very well paid and I have been asked back three times and I've been asked to stay later and later. It's for the same group of friends and the restaurant owner each week.

Re taking a male friend, it is a private party in a small room of a restaurant so if I did bring a friend they would not be able to watch the performance, they would have to be in another room until the show finished.

Do you think that would still be advisable?

If your gut is telling you that it is fine not to bring a chaperone with this group, then it is probably fine. If the group changes, or if you get a new gig, or you ever start to feel funny, you should seriously consider getting an "assistant" to handle your music and props (which means it is necessary for him/her to be in the room with you while you dance). Edit: a male drummer would be a great idea, if you can find one.

You can tell the restaurant owner that your friend "is very protective" of you, and "insists" on being there to watch out for you, because he "just worries so much about me". "I just don't know if I can continue to stay so late if he's not with me," is a good line.

Always remember that you have a right to leave, early or on-time, if the vibe ever changes. Don't worry too much about whether or not they pay you the agreed-upon amount - that's what small-claims court is for, if they ultimately refuse to pony up the cash.

Did someone have this job before you? Have you talked to her about what to expect?
 
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Sapphira

New member
Hi,

I'm not sure who danced there before me. I'm sure there have been dancers before.

I do know one very good drummer and I could arrange to split what I earn with him so it's worth his while. The main thing is that it's late on a Saturday which is his prime playing time, however he may be able to help me find someone if he can't make it.

Thanks again for your help.
 

Sara

New member
Is this in London or Australia?

I think a guy being there would be a good thing, but if you feel safe as you are then fine, but just in case.
 

Lydia

New member
dancing for men only

Hi there....i dont know how inportant this restaurant realy is for you?but can you not talk to the owner and tell him that you prefer to dance to the normal mixed crowd and not seperate for a just male crowd in another room,can you not be honest with him? if it was me i would not ...i just would tell the boss frankly that i feel uncomf. beside that i think its not good for your name....when other geust see you going there ....But after all i live and work in the middle east where people think a bit differant......the idea of going whit a companion is not bad so you stay on the safe site and nobody can gossip....goodluck Lydia
 
Hi Saphira, I think just going with your "gut' is not the part of your body that needs to make this decision. Use your brain! Dancing for Arab men is no different than dancing just for the local guys at the pub, thier nationality shouldn't be a factor. Who are these men that meet on a regular basis at the club? Do you have a contract with the owner and what are the expectations for your performance? Since you mentioned that there is a mixed crowd at the club, why are these men having there private BD show? And why are you the only one?:think:
A professional dancer does not put herself in potentially dangerous situations just for the love of the dance. Use common sense and HIRE a chaperone if dancing there is so important to you and insist on his presence, if the owner balks at this then maybe he and the others have more on their minds than the artistic representation of Raks Sharki!:naghty:
Yasmine
 

Sara

New member
Hmm, they both have a point actually... now that I think about it, it might not look too good, or sound it.

But- if you're appy doing it, you might want to think about it.
 

Aniseteph

New member
Use common sense and HIRE a chaperone if dancing there is so important to you and insist on his presence...
I think the male assistant/bodyguard/tip-collector thing sounds great, though I am getting mental pictures of an East End bouncer in a fez and harem trousers... I think they'd want extra for that.
But seriously, I agree with everyone else. If they really want you to dance they will go along with your terms, and if they object to your having a minder of some sort - why? Is the room really so small he couldn't sit in the corner and hold your veil or mind the music?
 

Sapphira

New member
Success! I've arranged a male tabla player to accompany me for this weekend! :clap:

I'll let you all know how it goes.

Thanks for such wonderful advice and feedback. x
 

Miss_Winnii

New member
I forgot to say, wear a wedding ring, I also have a new job at a turkish doner kebab house and my husband said to me, always say you have a man, husband boyfriend etc, and he was right, they treat me with respect and because im the only female at that moment, im not directly someone different
 
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