College Parties? To perform or not?

[Rania]

Im a college girl, which means I get invited to college parties. However, once some of my peers learned I BD, they ask me to dance at their college party. Its in the Summer of 2011

hmmm...well let me say, Im fine with dancing at girl/guy parties. Im going to dance with two other dancers, one a latin dancer and another belly dancer! The parties theme will contain, latin music, balkans region melodies, indian and ME music. Im going to dance at it for sure.

Now how about a girl dancing at..a party of guys only, no girls. She might want to add more to her BD resume though . The costume and music choice will be very classy..but still is it really worth the risk? Should she do it???:shok: If she don't do it how should she decline his offer? Hopefully none of you think im a dummy for even pondering it. I also wanted other college dancers in the future to read the risk and benifits, posted by BD forum members, of doing such a thing.

Note: please be respectfull when replying to my post. I just want your own original sincere, kind and honest opinions.

 

[Jane]

Now how about a girl dancing at..a party of guys only, no girls. She might want to add more to her BD resume though . The costume and music choice will be very classy..but still is it really worth the risk? Should she do it???:shok: If she don't do it how should she decline his offer? Hopefully none of you think im a dummy for even pondering it. I also wanted other college dancers in the future to read the risk and benifits, posted by BD forum members, of doing such a thing.

Note: please be respectfull when replying to my post. I just want your own original sincere, kind and honest opinions.

Are the people you are dancing for friends or are they people you don't know? Is the party on or off campus? What kind of party is it: a formal party or just something the students are throwing together? Will there be alcohol there? Lots to think about.

No amount of money or resume' material is worth your safety. You can always say you are already booked if you need a graceful excuse

 

[Mya]

i think it may depend alot on the context and the typical behaviour of the people in question...however my standard opinion and official stance on all male audiences is that i don't do those performances.

The dance is already so misunderstood and so many people think of it as a flesh trade that i wouldn't do anything to encourage the misconceptions. also i think that men do things when they're amongst other men that they would think three or four times before doing in a mixed audience.

 

[~Diana~]

If it is just a typical collage party that I've been to I would avoid dancing there totally. Those parties people are ususally very drunk they are not taking your dance seriously. It might be described nicely but from my collage experiances they really arn't so nice once they get going. I personally would never dance at those, paid or not.

Now how about a girl dancing at..a party of guys only, no girls

Our troupe refuses to do private dancing at any party that is all men. We especciay don't do bachelor parties. This can be a very dangerous situation for a dancer to get into, especially if she is by herself. Most of the times, at least from what I hear from other dancers, the men think/expect you to be a stripper and provide extra services. They don't treat you like you except most people to treat a dancer.

In some situations it doesn't matter how professionaly you are dressed. They have pre conceived notions and costume does nothing to change that.

Regarding how one should turn it down, just state firmly but respectfully that you don't perform at only male performances or you are not comfortable performing at that venue. You have all the power to decide where and how you want to perform. Also have some kind of contract that they need to read and sign before hand, we do. You have a right to refuse any performance where you don't feel comfortable dancing, where you feel abused, where the dance space is dangerous, or if you feel your saftey is at risk.

There are many more ways to gain experiance to put on a BD resume than doing private male parties and college parties. *takes off BD hat and puts on outside person hat* If I was hiring someone to dance for me and they gave me their resume I'd be more impressed with events that wern't collage or bachelor parties. Especially with the typical knowledge of what those involve or the steryotypes, the person hiring you might think you are more than just a dancer. It could end up doing more damage to your resume than you think it will.

Also just for your own thought, if you are getting into performing at events and parties you need to think seriously about pricing. Our troupe does volunteer at some charity events but most of the other times we charge.

 

[onela]

If I was hiring someone to dance for me and they gave me their resume I'd be more impressed with events that wern't collage or bachelor parties...

If I were hiring a dancer, I wouldn't necessarily count out the dancer who'd recently done some "college parties"- what if we're talking about a university sponsored event with the word "party" in the title? Lots of colleges and unis have multicultural clubs/committees and events (some all-ages, and some licensed). If we're talking just some drinkin' party at the local frat house? The I agree with Cheart. But if we're talking a university or college event, then I wouldn't think twice if I saw it. I need to know more about the hypothetical parties in Rania's original post.

 

[Rania]

Are the people you are dancing for friends or are they people you don't know? Is the party on or off campus? What kind of party is it: a formal party or just something the students are throwing together? Will there be alcohol there? Lots to think about.

No amount of money or resume' material is worth your safety. You can always say you are already booked if you need a graceful excuse

The party with girl and guys will be held by the students, world culture club. they are also tying in a few clubs like the greek student assocition, lebanense american club, African students assocition etc. The party won't have drinking and seems to be legit to dance at.

Cheart, thanks a million for such al ong informative post. I will use you advice to turn this down. I did get invited to an all mens partys, gulps* why I ask how is because five are freind who would never do harm to me, and I don't want them to think I suspect them of being a wild pack of wolves. For pricing at events I need to figuire that out to. Maybe I should ask my teacher and some of BD forums dancers.

I might just say Im booked being that some of these guys are freinds. not sure yet

 

[~Diana~]

If I were hiring a dancer, I wouldn't necessarily count out the dancer who'd recently done some "college parties"- what if we're talking about a university sponsored event with the word "party" in the title? Lots of colleges and unis have multicultural clubs/committees and events (some all-ages, and some licensed).

That is true and I have performed at those. However none of them had the label "party" in the title. They also were not a party where people were just wandering around, drinking, and typical partying. They were sit down and watch performances, or walk around events but alcohol was not involved. At these ones they were to promote something other than partying and if anyone was drunk or rowdy they were removed from the event by staff.

The party with girl and guys will be held by the students, world culture club. they are also tying in a few clubs like the greek student assocition, lebanense american club, African students assocition etc. The party won't have drinking and seems to be legit to dance at.

As I said above this might be ok to dance at. Is it going to be at a theater? You will need to find out what kind of dance space and floor they will be providing you and what exactly it is they want. Also although there won't be drinking it is always possible for people to show up drunk. If you do perform, try to bring someone you know with you for safety (Kinda like your own personal bouncer) or have the students putting it on have some kind of security staff there.

I did get invited to an all mens partys, gulps* why I ask how is because five are freind who would never do harm to me, and I don't want them to think I suspect them of being a wild pack of wolves.

If they are friends I also would never want to put them in a position where they will feel bad if something were to happen. Some guys who were nice and wonderful can be put them with a group of their friends and alcohol involved and things get carried away. Nobody ever wants to think their friends would do them harm but we all seen or head about situations where it turned out bad for women. In the context you are talking about, I would just avoid it for your own personal safety.

I'm sure you can figure out something to say. I wouldn't say that you are booked though because they or someone they know might see you out and about that night and that would reflect badly on you if they found out. You can easily say that you just don't dance for an all male group. Many, many dancers don't do this so it is something that is normal with this dance form.

For pricing at events I need to figuire that out to. Maybe I should ask my teacher and some of BD forums dancers.

That is a good step to take. All areas have different set pricing. You may find that in your area (like Toronto here) there may be an association that sets and regulates dancers prices.

 

[Shanazel]

I danced in my share of questionable venues, 1) in the days when I was naive and unaware there were questionable venues and 2) when I had rent to pay and dancing was the only way to do it.

However, I had the advantage of having among my good friends two very large and very formidable bikers, complete with tattoos and black leather in the days when no one but bikers wore them. Whenever I danced certain places, one or both of them came with me. Even with my pet bikers there were groups I didn't dance for, including frat parties, bachelor parties, and anything that involved the University of Wyoming rugby team.

 

[Rania]

That is true and I have performed at those. However none of them had the label "party" As I said above this might be ok to dance at. Is it going to be at a theater? I'm sure you can figure out something to say. I wouldn't say that you are booked though because they or someone they know might see you out and about that night and that would reflect badly on you if they found out.

That is a good step to take. All areas have different set pricing. You may find that in your area (like Toronto here) there may be an association that sets and regulates dancers prices.

srry its not called a party its just what I called it. my bad. It will be out doors, booths, food music and dancers. like a college festival

Ya maybe I will be honest I don't want to be caught lying yikes!

Do you know what the the association might be called?

Shanazel, Many of use prob consider doing questionable venues, when money is tight. That what maded me be tempted. I really could use a few extra dollars thrown on my head litterly:dance: But I think Ill try to be safe instead

 

[Chani]

It's great that you are asking. There are traps for the inexperienced.

The cultural event sounds like a terrific venue to perform.

The men only event - personally, I wouldn't do it and I actually don't know anyprofesional bellydancers personally who would agree to dance at an all male event. Too many variables that can't be anticipated such as the men you don't know treating you as a sex object. Perhaps your friends are simpy proud of you and are genuinely wanting to see you dance but unless they can speak for the entire group you would be putting yourelf at risk of undesirable behaviour towards youself.

I might just say Im booked being that some of these guys are freinds. not sure yet

Or simply state the truth - that you are flattered they would invite you but that you choose not to dance at all male events and you don't make exceptions. If they respect you they will respect your choice. Also, if you did dance and the the night goes badly they will feel partly responsible and that will impact your relationship with them more than turning down the gig.

I have been paid by my instructor and she decides the amount we receive. I have a set amount I charge for children's birthday parties which is on par with other themed birthday parties in my area. The rate I would potentially charge for dancing would be determined by the going rate in my area but I'm interested as to what a contract would read like. As far as I know my fellow dancers don't have signed contracts.

 

[Farasha Hanem]

Im a college girl, which means I get invited to college parties. However, once some of my peers learned I BD, they ask me to dance at their college party. Its in the Summer of 2011

hmmm...well let me say, Im fine with dancing at girl/guy parties. Im going to dance with two other dancers, one a latin dancer and another belly dancer! The parties theme will contain, latin music, balkans region melodies, indian and ME music. Im going to dance at it for sure.

Now how about a girl dancing at..a party of guys only, no girls. She might want to add more to her BD resume though . The costume and music choice will be very classy..but still is it really worth the risk? Should she do it???:shok: If she don't do it how should she decline his offer? Hopefully none of you think im a dummy for even pondering it. I also wanted other college dancers in the future to read the risk and benifits, posted by BD forum members, of doing such a thing.

Note: please be respectfull when replying to my post. I just want your own original sincere, kind and honest opinions.

My sincere, honest, respectful opinion is a resounding NO. An all-make venue is asking for trouble, no matter how classy the performance is. Even if your male audience shows you respect (which I highly doubt you'll get that from college boys), someone very wise once said to steer clear away from even the appearance of evil. It could ruin your reputation as a bellydancer.

Honey, my suggestion to you is to not do this. You'd be taking an awful risk.

I also refuse to dance in bars for safety/reputation reasons, plus, having grown up in a family of alcoholics, I have personal issues with drinking. Haven't danced in a restaurant---I'm pretty nervous about that too after some of the horror stories I've heard here on the forum. Oo;; I'm afraid I still have a bit of my old temper, and am afraid I'd NINJA-ZILL the first creep who'd try to stuff a dollar anywhere on my person! XD

 

[~Diana~]

srry its not called a party its just what I called it. my bad. It will be out doors, booths, food music and dancers. like a college festival

Ok so it is more like a multicultural event rather then a typical college party. That should be fine to dance at.

Do you know what the the association might be called?

Can't remember off hand but I'll find out for you. I'm pretty sure there is some type of group there that does it.

...but I'm interested as to what a contract would read like. As far as I know my fellow dancers don't have signed contracts.

I have a template copy at home on my computer that we use. If you like to see it I can email you a copy of it.

 

[gisela]

The college party sounds like tons of fun! I would definitely do it. I performed several times at parties in my department at college. Everyone was so supportive and happy. It was for free though as we all helped to make the party special, some cooked, some decorated, some were dj-ing, I danced etc.

The all-male party I would not do, not because I am scared, but I just don't think it is a good forum for our kind of dance. And it is right as someone says upthread that men (and women) can act differently in a gender-separated group than in a mixed group.

 

[Amanda (was Aziyade)]

I've done all-male parties (bringing my husband along as the "sound guy") and my experience has been that one of two things happened:

1. The guys were really uncomfortable with the whole thing and seemed embarrassed at having me there.

2. The guys were drunk or not paying attention to what I was doing to the point that it was boring for me to be there.


Cultural festivals and outdoor shows can be a LOT of fun, especially if you get kids watching. I routinely dance for and with one of our university's International Students club, and they are always respectful of what I do and seem to enjoy it a lot.

 

[Amanda (was Aziyade)]

Why is this in the Sauna section? It seems like a valid question about performance and nobody is throwing anything at anybody (yet).

/ducks.

 

[Rania]

Or simply state the truth - that you are flattered they would invite you but that you choose not to dance at all male events and you don't make exceptions. If they respect you they will respect your choice. I have a set amount I charge for children's birthday parties which is on par with other themed birthday parties in my area.

I’m very flattered, I showed a couple of these guys belly dancers on youtube I know of that where talented & gorgeous, They said yes they are pretty and good dancers, but Rania we want to see you dance more then anything, your our freind and we have been waiting to see YOU. wow "Blushes" I’m flattered, and it was a sweet thing for them to say. anyways, I think I will use your exact quote Chani, to turn it down.

I have a question about the kids B-day Parties. Would you perform with a common two piece costume? Or something that covers your stomach, since its? Just wondering,f I do this I want to be dressed appropriate, for the itttle ones b-day parties.

gives me a new idea btw I never knew belly dancers did kids b-day parties.

Farasha, I still can't dance at certain clubs because Im under 21 and they serve alcohol

 

[nightdancer]

Rania, they weren't being "sweet". They were being male, under the age of 110. Anything that is in front of you is a lot more interesting than something on a video. It's also more obtainable, which is where their minds were. Really, its a bad idea. If they want to watch you dance, they can come to other venues to do so.

 

[Rania]

Rania, they weren't being "sweet". They were being male, under the age of 110. Anything that is in front of you is a lot more interesting than something on a video. It's also more obtainable, which is where their minds were. Really, its a bad idea. If they want to watch you dance, they can come to other venues to do so.

Im not going to do the all guys party it just was happy about a compliment from feind saying hey I want to see you dance because we know you and so on. Reminds me though some guys will try to flattter the pants of a girl just to get what they want haha, not saying it the case. They will tell you your the best thing since sliced breas, you like nothing they ever seen, etc etc lol. But I agree they will just need to come to my venues, if they truely want to see me dance, I just told them that same thing an hour ago:dance: Actuelly they wher being males under the age 21 haha

only two out of the five will be going to the venue I think I know the answer to that

 

[Farasha Hanem]

Why is this in the Sauna section? It seems like a valid question about performance and nobody is throwing anything at anybody (yet).

/ducks.

I was wondering the exact same thing, earlier. :think: Why did this end up in the Sauna?

 

[gisela]

I was wondering the exact same thing, earlier. :think: Why did this end up in the Sauna?

Dunno, I have now moved it to performance. Sorry if I am moving something that was moved once before by someone.
I also changed the title slightly to better mirror what is being talked about, and I think there was an extra word in there.