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  1. #1
    V.I.P. Azeeza's Avatar
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    Question Breaking up with Teacher

    Should a student be honest with an abusive teacher, or lie so as not to burn bridges?

    Sorry, I needed to rephrase what I wrote earlier.
    Last edited by Azeeza; 12-16-2006 at 08:08 PM. Reason: Needed Rephrasing

  2. #2
    Senior Member Mouse's Avatar
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    If I felt the need to leave a teacher due to some sort of conflict or clash I would probably thank her for the time spent learning and move on without saying anything offensive or that might be taken badly.

  3. #3
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    I agree with Mouse. Obviously it's hard to generalise though. Will telling her what you think serve any purpose other than making yourself feel better? Sometimes best to rise above and walk away...

  4. #4
    Premium Member Aniseteph's Avatar
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    Well I suppose it depends on the situation, but in general I'd go for lying, or not saying anything if you can't say anything nice. No point antagonising and upsetting people, especially in a small community - you never know what it will turn into. Be gracious and move on if you have to.

    IMO while you are the student in any teacher-student relationship it is not your place to criticise. You don't have to take everything as gospel, or agree with it. You can question why she thinks X or does Y, you can discuss it (a good teacher wants you to think about what he/she is teaching you) but you don't tell her it's wrong, or so&so does it better, and you don't criticise to her face or behind her back unless she asks for your opinion (and then a good pinch of diplomacy would be in order!). It disrupts the relationship - think what it's like from the teacher's side trying to teach someone who knows better.

    Unless of course she's done something really EVIL!

  5. #5
    V.I.P. Azeeza's Avatar
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    Thanks ladies. I changed the question from my original post. Your replies might be the same regardless.

    Azeeza

  6. #6
    Premium Member Aniseteph's Avatar
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    Abuse is out of order!
    I still think the same about the teacher-student relationship, but sounds like she's ruined it. Abusing people is something altogether different.

    So I agree with Elle - you might feel better for telling her (and she MIGHT realise the error of her ways and reform.... ) but maybe you'll be setting yourself up for some of that abuse. If she asks maybe you could say you're uncomfortable with some of her attitudes or something. Weasel words!

  7. #7
    Senior Member Mouse's Avatar
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    Your rephrasing does change my outlook a little. If your teacher is abusive then the chances of her taking anything negative you might say with good grace is pretty slim, so I'd be more inclined to say as little as possible and simply take my leave rather than risk a confrontation.

  8. #8
    V.I.P. Yasmine Bint Al Nubia's Avatar
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    Hi Ladies, Lying about how you feel in an abusive relationship is not a healthy way to deal with people. Teacher/student relationship is based on inherent trust, once the teacher abuses that trust,then what do you owe that person? Nothing! She only benefits if you slink into the background mumbling some half-hearted reason about your departure. You are PAYING this person to teach you not to abuse you. If you must move on then do so, whether you decide to tell her the reasons, is really up to you, but don't lie about. Stand up for yourself.
    Yasmine

  9. #9
    Premium Member Aniseteph's Avatar
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    Who is she abusing - her students? Or is she just being bitchy about other dancers/teachers?

  10. #10
    Moderator Safran's Avatar
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    I am also puzzled about what you define as "abuse". It can mean so many different things

    Sometimes there is a way somewhere in between the two options of burning bridges and sitting in the corner quiet. I don't know the situation, but in some cases people don't realise the full effects of their actions. So, discussing close issues with them and gradually moving towards the painful spot, might bring in some clarity. Maybe some discussion will also help you understand why this situation has occured.

    Azeeza, can you maybe shed some more light on the situation so we could give better advice?

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