Breaking up with Teacher
- Thread starter Azeeza
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Aniseteph
New member
Well I suppose it depends on the situation, but in general I'd go for lying, or not saying anything if you can't say anything nice. No point antagonising and upsetting people, especially in a small community - you never know what it will turn into. Be gracious and move on if you have to.
IMO while you are the student in any teacher-student relationship it is not your place to criticise. You don't have to take everything as gospel, or agree with it. You can question why she thinks X or does Y, you can discuss it (a good teacher wants you to think about what he/she is teaching you) but you don't tell her it's wrong, or so&so does it better, and you don't criticise to her face or behind her back unless she asks for your opinion (and then a good pinch of diplomacy would be in order!). It disrupts the relationship - think what it's like from the teacher's side trying to teach someone who knows better.
Unless of course she's done something really EVIL!
IMO while you are the student in any teacher-student relationship it is not your place to criticise. You don't have to take everything as gospel, or agree with it. You can question why she thinks X or does Y, you can discuss it (a good teacher wants you to think about what he/she is teaching you) but you don't tell her it's wrong, or so&so does it better, and you don't criticise to her face or behind her back unless she asks for your opinion (and then a good pinch of diplomacy would be in order!). It disrupts the relationship - think what it's like from the teacher's side trying to teach someone who knows better.
Unless of course she's done something really EVIL!
Aniseteph
New member
:shok: Abuse is out of order!
:think: I still think the same about the teacher-student relationship, but sounds like she's ruined it. Abusing people is something altogether different.
So I agree with Elle - you might feel better for telling her (and she MIGHT realise the error of her ways and reform.... ) but maybe you'll be setting yourself up for some of that abuse. If she asks maybe you could say you're uncomfortable with some of her attitudes or something. Weasel words!
:think: I still think the same about the teacher-student relationship, but sounds like she's ruined it. Abusing people is something altogether different.
So I agree with Elle - you might feel better for telling her (and she MIGHT realise the error of her ways and reform....
) but maybe you'll be setting yourself up for some of that abuse. If she asks maybe you could say you're uncomfortable with some of her attitudes or something. Weasel words!
Mouse
New member
Your rephrasing does change my outlook a little. If your teacher is abusive then the chances of her taking anything negative you might say with good grace is pretty slim, so I'd be more inclined to say as little as possible and simply take my leave rather than risk a confrontation.
Yasmine Bint Al Nubia
Moderator
Hi Ladies, Lying about how you feel in an abusive relationship is not a healthy way to deal with people. Teacher/student relationship is based on inherent trust, once the teacher abuses that trust,then what do you owe that person? Nothing! She only benefits if you slink into the background mumbling some half-hearted reason about your departure. You are PAYING this person to teach you not to abuse you. If you must move on then do so, whether you decide to tell her the reasons, is really up to you, but don't lie about. Stand up for yourself.
Yasmine
Yasmine
Safran
New member
I am also puzzled about what you define as "abuse". It can mean so many different things
Sometimes there is a way somewhere in between the two options of burning bridges and sitting in the corner quiet. I don't know the situation, but in some cases people don't realise the full effects of their actions. So, discussing close issues with them and gradually moving towards the painful spot, might bring in some clarity. Maybe some discussion will also help you understand why this situation has occured.
Azeeza, can you maybe shed some more light on the situation so we could give better advice?
Sometimes there is a way somewhere in between the two options of burning bridges and sitting in the corner quiet. I don't know the situation, but in some cases people don't realise the full effects of their actions. So, discussing close issues with them and gradually moving towards the painful spot, might bring in some clarity. Maybe some discussion will also help you understand why this situation has occured.
Azeeza, can you maybe shed some more light on the situation so we could give better advice?
Aisha Azar
New member
Abuse
Dear Azeeza,
On my site is an article called "The Student/Instructor Relationship in middle Eastern Dance". Please gfee free to print it and present a copy to your teacher. It discusses precepts of a healthy relationship between the two parties.
(Raqs Azar in the library).
I am TOTALLY against instructors taking advantage of their position by abusing their studetns, either verbally, emotionally or physically. Students and teachers are on equal footing in this life except that teachers have a few more years and experience (at least hopefully) than do the students. NO INSTRCUTOR HAS THE RIGHT TO TREAT THEIR STUDENTS WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN GREAT RESPECT. WITHOUT THE STUDENTS, WE HAVE NO ONE TO TEACH!!!! Nothing makes me madder than when teachers forget that.
Regards,
A'isha
Dear Azeeza,
On my site is an article called "The Student/Instructor Relationship in middle Eastern Dance". Please gfee free to print it and present a copy to your teacher. It discusses precepts of a healthy relationship between the two parties.
(Raqs Azar in the library).
I am TOTALLY against instructors taking advantage of their position by abusing their studetns, either verbally, emotionally or physically. Students and teachers are on equal footing in this life except that teachers have a few more years and experience (at least hopefully) than do the students. NO INSTRCUTOR HAS THE RIGHT TO TREAT THEIR STUDENTS WITH ANYTHING LESS THAN GREAT RESPECT. WITHOUT THE STUDENTS, WE HAVE NO ONE TO TEACH!!!! Nothing makes me madder than when teachers forget that.
Regards,
A'isha
Aisha Azar
New member
Teacher, etc.
Dear Shanazel,
It was the norm in ballet classes for many years, for teachers to be abusive. I can't remember for sure, but I think it was Najinski who used to refer to his students as his "horses", meaning they worked for him and did as they were told. I have heard stories that would curl your hair from women who used to be ballerinas. This abuse came under the term "discipline". The dancer had to be "disciplined" enough in her attitude to take all kinds of verbal, emotional and even physical abuse. Gelsey Kirkland told her story to the world and was shunned by the ballet community for years, but I see she is now teaching seminars.
I have seen several Middle Eastern dance teachers act the same way. Dahlena used to hit people in class. A dancer named Nejat used to be horribly verbally abusive to dancers. I saw them do it. For some reason a lot of dancers think this is normal treatment.
To me, equally abusive are teachers who do not take the time to treat students as indivual people with their own learning talents and capabilities and needs. I think people have put up with it because they are afraid to speak up for themselves. I will now walk out and demand my money back if I am in a class where I see the teacher abusing ANYONE! I was also afriad to speak out when I was younger, but no more!
Regards,
A'isha
Dear Shanazel,
It was the norm in ballet classes for many years, for teachers to be abusive. I can't remember for sure, but I think it was Najinski who used to refer to his students as his "horses", meaning they worked for him and did as they were told. I have heard stories that would curl your hair from women who used to be ballerinas. This abuse came under the term "discipline". The dancer had to be "disciplined" enough in her attitude to take all kinds of verbal, emotional and even physical abuse. Gelsey Kirkland told her story to the world and was shunned by the ballet community for years, but I see she is now teaching seminars.
I have seen several Middle Eastern dance teachers act the same way. Dahlena used to hit people in class. A dancer named Nejat used to be horribly verbally abusive to dancers. I saw them do it. For some reason a lot of dancers think this is normal treatment.
To me, equally abusive are teachers who do not take the time to treat students as indivual people with their own learning talents and capabilities and needs. I think people have put up with it because they are afraid to speak up for themselves. I will now walk out and demand my money back if I am in a class where I see the teacher abusing ANYONE! I was also afriad to speak out when I was younger, but no more!
Regards,
A'isha
Shanazel
Moderator
Dahlena HIT people? We call that assault and battery in Wyoming.
Wow, A'isha. I have been fairly fortunate in my experience with both ballet and belly dance teachers, though I can recall academic teachers and an attorney or two who were less than professional in their behavior toward students and employees.
Okay, abused dancers, rise up and throw off your oppressors! You have nothing to lose but bruises to your body and psyche. Next time you get a bully instead of a teacher, do the A'isha Walk and demand your money back. If enough of us protest, those people will either change their attitudes or go out of business indeed.rotest:
Wow, A'isha. I have been fairly fortunate in my experience with both ballet and belly dance teachers, though I can recall academic teachers and an attorney or two who were less than professional in their behavior toward students and employees.
Okay, abused dancers, rise up and throw off your oppressors! You have nothing to lose but bruises to your body and psyche. Next time you get a bully instead of a teacher, do the A'isha Walk and demand your money back. If enough of us protest, those people will either change their attitudes or go out of business indeed.
rotest:
Azeeza
New member
Thank you for posting this Aisha..eh..if all the teachers are like you
the life could be beutifullLots of love,
Princess
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Yasmine Bint Al Nubia
Moderator
Hi Everyone, This forum is so supportive and I'm so glad to participate in it. Just a side tangent on this thread, the inner strength one needs to break up with an abusive teacher is the same strength we need to use we break away from any unhealthy situation or person. Through life experience, one recognizes that life is too short to be the perpetual doormat. One doesn't have to be nasty when facing a nasty situation, but assertive and secure in your feelings and actions. Many times, there is nobody to help one see the light, offer support and advice therefore people walk through life afraid to speak for themselves and others.
To all my forum sisters and brothers, this is the place where you can rant, vent and receive support and advice.
Yasmine
To all my forum sisters and brothers, this is the place where you can rant, vent and receive support and advice.
Yasmine
Aniseteph
New member
A bit of unprofessional bitching about other dancers or teachers I might put up with if she was teaching anything useful and there aren't many alternative teachers, but this sounds :shok: dreadful.
Just can't get my head round the idea of paying for tuition and getting abused in return.
Just can't get my head round the idea of paying for tuition and getting abused in return.
sparklyraven
New member
The teacher I apprenticed with for a while was a little on the abusive side. Some of it we could let go because she has some health problems and was/is in pain a great deal of the time. She had another apprentice too and my being a bit more independant in my thought processes, I took a lot more of it than she did. If I taught a step differently, I got yelled at, and the other apprentice could do it differently and it was ok because she was learning how to teach it . I found out later that several of the people dropped out (we had this like 80% drop -out rate) because of the way I got treated by the teacher. (found out via mutual friends) that blew me away. I went out on my own with another friend and its been great, but that teacher doesn't exactly acknowledge that I'm teaching too. I think its pretty funny and she keeps asking me to help her with classes but not gonna happen. I was real open with her about how we disagreed and we have just agreed to disagree.
. I found out later that several of the people dropped out (we had this like 80% drop -out rate) because of the way I got treated by the teacher. (found out via mutual friends) that blew me away. I went out on my own with another friend and its been great, but that teacher doesn't exactly acknowledge that I'm teaching too. I think its pretty funny and she keeps asking me to help her with classes but not gonna happen. I was real open with her about how we disagreed and we have just agreed to disagree.