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  1. #1
    Member RayaDancer's Avatar
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    Default how to "break up" with a teacher?

    i've been with this particular teacher for a few years. Ive studied with others as well, done workshops with others, but i always came back to this same teacher. i feel a sense of loyalty to her because she got me my first performance opportunities, and she's a nice person. but our styles are def. different; she's more AmCab and im def. more egyptian now, so most of my egyptian technique ive learned from other teachers or dvds.
    There is someone else that im interested in studying with. So how do i "break up" with my other teacher? She just moved to a new studio, and when she asked if i was coming to her new classes, i said yes. but i cant afford to study with both teachers and it seems like im not getting anything to further my dance with my old teacher.
    Any one have any "break up" stories, or words or wisdom for me? a script on what to say, maybe?

  2. #2
    V.I.P. Greek Bonfire's Avatar
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    Maybe you should do a session or two with her, and then break up with her. This way you sort of fulfilled an obligation before moving on.

  3. #3
    Member Imeera's Avatar
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    I agree with Greek Bonfire. Though how to tell her why your not going is hard, I would tell her the whole truth. Or say that your a different style now and want to continue with an teacher that suits your style and leave it at that.

    You could lie and say you don't have the money so are not going to classes or give no explination at all and just not come back. But I don't think thats the best thing to do and I don't think you would do that either to be honest.

  4. #4
    Moderator Shanazel's Avatar
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    I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

    When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

    If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.
    "Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn " if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."

  5. #5
    V.I.P. Greek Bonfire's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanazel View Post
    I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

    When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

    If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.
    And wherever you perform at a showcase or hafla where you create your bio, you could also remember to credit her for all of her help.

  6. #6
    Member RayaDancer's Avatar
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    these are very helpful suggestions. thanks all

  7. #7
    V.I.P. Yame's Avatar
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    The answer to this question will depend on your relationship with the teacher and with the reason for wanting to leave, as well as on the teacher's personality and, let's say... maturity level.

    There are teachers out there who take things very personally and are immature or have big egos. I won't go into details on this, but you need to be careful with such people.

    But if your teacher isn't like that, then there is no need to lie or be dishonest. The fact of the matter is, at some point, a dedicated student is likely to either outgrow her teacher or wish to move in a different direction. In a perfect world, all teachers would be okay with that, and we wouldn't need to feel bad for it.

    It sounds to me like you don't have much else to learn from this teacher and are eager to move on. There is also nothing in your post that indicates that she might take your decision personally, so I would follow Shanazel's advice at this point... tell her you want to go in a different direction, thank her for everything, and go take classes with your new teacher. There is no sense in staying with her for another session just because you feel guilty, if you don't think you will get much out of it. It's your time and money.

    If you liked her as a person and as a teacher, keep in touch... maybe send her flowers like Shanazel suggested. Those are nice little things that will remind her of the impact she has had on you, and that she did nothing wrong to "lose" you as a student, your vision just changed and what you need now is a different perspective.

  8. #8
    V.I.P. Reen.Blom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yame View Post

    There are teachers out there who take things very personally and are immature or have big egos. I won't go into details on this, but you need to be careful with such people.

    Exactly! If you dont think she's like that, Aunt Shanazel offers excellent advice.

  9. #9
    Member BellaBohemian's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanazel View Post
    I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

    When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

    If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.
    This, all the way! I also agree that you should at least attend another session or two (you did say you would after all )
    Since you say that its because you're going for a different style Im sure your teacher will understand and be supportive.

  10. #10
    Member Imeera's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanazel View Post
    I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

    When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

    If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.
    This is what I would do

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