how to "break up" with a teacher?

[RayaDancer]

i've been with this particular teacher for a few years. Ive studied with others as well, done workshops with others, but i always came back to this same teacher. i feel a sense of loyalty to her because she got me my first performance opportunities, and she's a nice person. but our styles are def. different; she's more AmCab and im def. more egyptian now, so most of my egyptian technique ive learned from other teachers or dvds.
There is someone else that im interested in studying with. So how do i "break up" with my other teacher? She just moved to a new studio, and when she asked if i was coming to her new classes, i said yes. but i cant afford to study with both teachers and it seems like im not getting anything to further my dance with my old teacher.
Any one have any "break up" stories, or words or wisdom for me? a script on what to say, maybe? :lol:

 

[Greek Bonfire]

Maybe you should do a session or two with her, and then break up with her. This way you sort of fulfilled an obligation before moving on.

 

[Imeera]

I agree with Greek Bonfire. Though how to tell her why your not going is hard, I would tell her the whole truth. Or say that your a different style now and want to continue with an teacher that suits your style and leave it at that.

You could lie and say you don't have the money so are not going to classes or give no explination at all and just not come back. But I don't think thats the best thing to do and I don't think you would do that either to be honest.

 

[Shanazel]

I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.

 

[Greek Bonfire]

I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.

And wherever you perform at a showcase or hafla where you create your bio, you could also remember to credit her for all of her help.

 

[RayaDancer]

these are very helpful suggestions. thanks all

 

[Yame]

The answer to this question will depend on your relationship with the teacher and with the reason for wanting to leave, as well as on the teacher's personality and, let's say... maturity level.

There are teachers out there who take things very personally and are immature or have big egos. I won't go into details on this, but you need to be careful with such people.

But if your teacher isn't like that, then there is no need to lie or be dishonest. The fact of the matter is, at some point, a dedicated student is likely to either outgrow her teacher or wish to move in a different direction. In a perfect world, all teachers would be okay with that, and we wouldn't need to feel bad for it.

It sounds to me like you don't have much else to learn from this teacher and are eager to move on. There is also nothing in your post that indicates that she might take your decision personally, so I would follow Shanazel's advice at this point... tell her you want to go in a different direction, thank her for everything, and go take classes with your new teacher. There is no sense in staying with her for another session just because you feel guilty, if you don't think you will get much out of it. It's your time and money.

If you liked her as a person and as a teacher, keep in touch... maybe send her flowers like Shanazel suggested. Those are nice little things that will remind her of the impact she has had on you, and that she did nothing wrong to "lose" you as a student, your vision just changed and what you need now is a different perspective.

 

[Reen.Blom]

There are teachers out there who take things very personally and are immature or have big egos. I won't go into details on this, but you need to be careful with such people.

Exactly! If you dont think she's like that, Aunt Shanazel offers excellent advice.

 

[BellaBohemian]

I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.

This, all the way! I also agree that you should at least attend another session or two (you did say you would after all )
Since you say that its because you're going for a different style Im sure your teacher will understand and be supportive.

 

[Imeera]

I've been a teacher for years and I prefer honesty to polite lies that might backfire. No student has an obligation to study with me, no matter how long we've been associated. It is a courtesy I appreciate when a student explains why she is moving on, whatever the reason. A preference for a different style and a desire to study that style more thoroughly is perfectly understandable.

When I "broke up" with my cello teacher, I let her know not to schedule me for lessons and then wrote her a note thanking her for the excellent grounding I received from her which enabled me to move in a new direction with confidence.

If you still feel guilty or uncomfortable, flowers are always a nice and relatively inexpensive thank you gift.

This is what I would do

 

[PracticalDancer]

Yes, everything everyone else said, and an analogy to go with it:

We may all remember a particular teacher fondly. I loved my second grade teacher; but, we all knew I had to move to third grade. Schools for "regular education" are deliberately structured so that students follow a progressing curriculum an move from one teacher (who specializes in a grade or topic) to the next. Sometimes we form lasting bonds, but those bonds need to flex with our needs.

In some cases, we may become friends with those teachers as we grow, and then maintaining the friendship (in or out of the dance is the priority).

In some cases, the teacher becomes more of a mentor, offering targeted coaching on a particular topic until the student has master it (and moves on). Does your teacher have something beyond movement to offer? Expertise on stage dynamics, audience engagement, costuming, history, etc.? If so, a few private sessions or ongoing arrangements for feedback could help.

And, in some cases, the well runs dry and you have learned all you can. If there is no friendship, there still should be respect. A reference in a bio, referrals of students, a card or small gift on your "danciversary" -- you make the call on the degree of honor, but extend honor nonetheless.

And, since you will keep growing and discovering new things to learn (or the need to relearn old ones), always maintain professionalism and never sever the relationship.

Anala

 

[seona]

I've been there! I love my original teacher, she brought bdance to my little town and for that I love her! ... But I felt I wanted to learn more and try different styles, I just felt it wasn't challenging enough anymore.
I felt I was being dis-loyal, crazy I know, but that's because I guess we were all a close group ( class and teacher). Also she had been so good to me, when I finally plucked up the courage to tell her, she totally understood, I told her my feelings and she gave me a hug! She said she was happy for me but also sad that she may loose me to other classes. Honesty is defiently the best policy! And I guess, like others have pointed out, it can all depend on your relationship with your teacher.

 

[goddessyasaman]

I agree with Shanazel & Imeera, I have been teaching belly dance for 5 years and I would like the truth as well, I'm sure she would understand if you told her you are going the way of egyptian style and that you want to follow in that direction so for this part of your belly dance training you want to take some lessons from a egyptian style teacher and see how it goes, I'm sure she would understand. It's up to you if you want to say anything about you can only handle paying one teacher at a time or not. I think it will be fine either way you do it, don't feel bad you have to do whats best for your training as well

 

[RayaDancer]

all this advice has been really helpful! i do like the idea of the flowers especially!
you know, i'm not really sure how she would take the news of me leaving. i want to say that she would understand; it's not like im her first or last student after all. but every once in a while, in the past when i would ask her for advice, she would tell me, "oh, i dont know, why dont you go ask -------?", and she would name the other teacher that i took some workshops with. and i wasn't sure how to take those comments. being catty or not? i couldnt tell. i think that's why im having a hard time figuering out how to tell her. im kind of anticipating feeling....uncomfortable.

 

[Aniseteph]

... every once in a while, in the past when i would ask her for advice, she would tell me, "oh, i dont know, why dont you go ask -------?", and she would name the other teacher that i took some workshops with. and i wasn't sure how to take those comments. being catty or not? i couldnt tell. i think that's why im having a hard time figuering out how to tell her. im kind of anticipating feeling....uncomfortable.

The way I see it, you can put your suspicions aside and choose to think well of her. It's a bit Pollyanna-ish, but it's great for avoiding drama and negative energy that you don't want to get involved in - just let it sail right over your head.

Treat her as if she has been nice. If she hasn't, and did make catty remarks, or is going to react badly to your leaving, well that's her problem, not yours.

 

[Shakti]

Hi
I would say if you choose the direct route press your intrest on the style aspect and tell her you have decided to study and explore Egyptian style. Thank her for being a part of your dance journey , the flowers idea would probably excite her to the point of quickly forgiving any hard feelings.

Be sure to still attend her events, this way you can still keep in touch.

 

[Shara]

I teach beginner classes and Am Cab classes. I tell my students that if they want to learn anything other than Am Cab, they will need to find another instructor. What they learn with me are the basic moves, how to combine them, how to layer them, how to choreograph and how to perform. Changing to a different style is up to them. I love my students and I do ask that they keep in touch. Many don't, and I understand that I was just a dance teacher. Some I have run into and they remembered me and excitedly said hello, but it did not go beyond that. It is great when a student actually becomes a good friend, but as a teacher, that is not an expectation. If you really like her, tell her how much you like her, tell her if you want to keep in touch, and tell her that you really want to study with (insert name here). Perhaps you may want to "drop in" on your present (former) instructor's class during or after classes with the other teacher.

 

[~Diana~]

You don't need to break up with your teacher. Any good and wise teacher will want you to move on and increase your learning from another. If she has issues with you doing so then she is not a good teacher at the fundamental level.

 

[LadyLoba]

If it's just a matter of trying a different style, she shouldn't be at all insulted or hurt. You're still saying you like her, appreciate and use what she taught you, and that she is a good teacher.

I'm not a teacher, but if I were to teach something in my professional field of language arts, it would be the basics of writing plus a few forms of writing...poetry not being one of them. If someone took a basic writing or introduction to fiction workshop from me and realized they wanted to learn poetry...I would expect that person to take classes or workshops from a poet and not from me, as I cannot even write a decent poem myself.

I've had similar things in school with languages....I was enrolled in Spanish and French and decided to drop French in favor of Spanish....and the French teacher was not at all upset. They're usually happy to hear someone likes their field so much that they decided to go far enough in to it to focus like that. Your teacher would probably be happy to realize you're so dedicated.

Since your teacher is an AmCab teacher, I'm sure she'd expect someone who wanted to focus on Egyptian Belly Dance to study from an Egyptian style belly dance teacher.

In addition to all the other good advice above...it might also be nice to send anyone who expresses interest in starting belly dance or focusing on AmCab her way...and have them tell her you recommended her.

 

[Belly Love]

I agree with many of the sentiments on here- just be honest. At some point a student "outgrows" their teacher or needs a different kind of instruction and any quality teacher will not only know this, but expect it.

I suggest leaving her a nice, thoughtful card after you "break-up" letting her know how much you appreciate her