Dear belly dancers, I really need your insight and advice!

iBellyDance

New member
Dear belly dancers,

I had a difficult situation in my belly dance class last Thursday night, and I would like to know, if I am overreacting...

I am Beginner/Intermediate level, love my teacher and fellow students, hardly miss any class since I started it (about 18 m ago). In December we began preparation for our first perfomance and everyone was excited. We were looking for no-pressure first stage experience place and local hafla on March 3 was the date/place the teacher mentioned. There are 5 students in our class now - three very nice, very beautiful, college age girls with long dark hair, about the same height, and me - in my 40th, blond, a little bit taller. Teacher is planning to be on stage with us too. The dance we are working on is not classic style, something in-between tribal and bd, very fun. The costumes are going to be leggins with bra, belt and scarf - so, it is very modern. I feel that I am a bit of an odd piece in our group, but I really like to dance and trying something out of my comfort zone or usual character is ok with me. I also know that I need to work harder on my technique than other girls, but I got some DVDs, planed to attend workshop on 25, and practiced at home as well as in class. So far, so good... I was a little concern that costumes are not ordered yet and we are only half way in our choreography, but relied on our teacher to lead us.
Well... On Thursday, when we lined up in class, teacher told me that she was invited to perform in one of the local universities and she invited the three other students "to help her, as she could had only three dancers there and it is on campus, in college environment", so they are going to practice a lot after regular class for their performance and I can participate to this practices... And yes, they are going to work on the same dance we were all learning in a last few months... After class was over at 9 pm, we started practicing and teacher kept changing our spots and seemed not sure how she wants us to line up...I thought that my presence was a problem (if there are only 4 dancers who are going to perform and they are all the same heigh), so I just said that since i was not aware of the possibility of this post-class practice, I really needed be home and would live in 10 minutes... The teacher suddenly said that they should probably stop practicing anyway, because she did not make the studio management aware about class occupation after 9pm and that would be a violation of rent policies... We quit practicing around 9:20 and I drove home feeling really sad...

I understand that show will benefit from all the belly dancers being the same age and look, and the girls seem to learn movements faster than i do... and it is very modern style of belly dance, not quite fitting to my personality, i guess... Do you think I am overreacting? What really upsets me, that teacher did not say anything about all our class perfuming together at certain point, like "I will perform with 3 girls at University event, but you still need to learn this dance and work hard because we will all perform together at ABC time/place".... Was I so bad at this dance, that it is just an excuse to get rid of me? But is not belly dancing is almost only kind of dance, that can be danced at any age and size? I am 5'7, 145lb...

What do you think I should do? Suck it up, work harder, hope I will dance some other dance later? Talk to my teacher in person/email to clarify the situation (main question - am I performing at all this spring)? Find another teacher?

BTW, sorry for possible grammar mistakes, Russian is my native language.

Thank you in advance to everybody, who had the patience to read and who will give me her opinion!
 

Shakti

New member
HI, I can understand how you could feel awkard in this situation.

Line up for choreography change all the time depending on how many people. I would not fret over this.

I would ask the teacher when she plans on having all of you perform. Did you all start at the same time? My first performance was not at a halfa, but a very public event and it did cause alot of anxiety. I doubt that your age or hair color has anything to do with it. I am sure your teacher feels that they are ready for a 'public performance'. Even if only at a college, it is not the comfort zone of your studio and personal friends. If you want to perform ask the teacher. If you feel that your teacher is just teaching for the sole purpose of forming a group (this does happen) then find a teacher that is more focused on building opportunities for her students.

There is nothing wrong with looking out for your own interests, it is important! If the situation is confusing for you, that is not a good situation. You have every right to find one where you feel comfortable. Feelings can be hurt unintentionally, but the feelings are still real. If you choose to leave do it to expand your horizions, not just because of this one situation. Learning from many teachers can make you a more well rounded dancer.

Good luck! :)
 

Mosaic

Super Moderator
I agree with Shakti. But I do feel you need to actually talk to your teacher in person - she may not be aware of how you are feeling and if you want to perform, whether it is the college performance or any later ones that come up, let her know that you really do want the opportunity to perform, I'd also suggest that as leggings by themselves is bit out of your comfort zone can the costume be modified with a panel skirt ( a front and back panel on an elastic waist band), you could all have the same colour or even each girl have a different colour.

Good luck and don't give up, you have come this far - even if for whatever reason you end up changing teachers, follow your passion.
~Mosaic
 

Yame

New member
You should ask your teacher what her intention is with that choreography. If she wants you to perform it in the future, you will benefit from practicing with the rest of the girls.

If she doesn't intend to have you perform it in the future, you have to make the call on whether or not practicing this choreography is worth your time. Depending on the choreography, it could be good practice for you regardless, but if you think the time spent practicing this choreography isn't really helping your dancing and you could be doing something better on your own time, then maybe it's not worth it.
 

Aniseteph

New member
I would definitely have a chat with the teacher to clarify what is happening about the hafla performance.

(I'm not saying that this is the case here, but any teacher cutting hobbyist students from hafla performances on grounds of age or size needs their ego adjusting, IMNSHO.)

As for the university performance - well as you say there are reasons for her picking particular dancers. Some audiences can be very unforgiving to non-commercial looking dancers; it's not fair or right but maybe your teacher has this in her mind and is trying to protect you.

Shakti said:
Line up for choreography change all the time depending on how many people. I would not fret over this.

Yes, in a troupe situation where there are different choreographies, people are available at different times etc etc etc, I agree. Being cut from dance 1 because the numbers don't pan out, or at the back in dance 2 because you don't know it so well is not such a big deal if you know that you are centre front in dance 3 or are going to be first on the list for a mini solo at the next gig. Or that you get to choreograph or design costumes.

But in a class students are there to learn to dance. When the teacher arranges a hafla performance, it is also to learn how to rehearse and polish and perform. Everyone pays for the classes so everyone should have the same opportunity. Anything else is unprofessional IMO.

Being the teacher's backing dancers is different. It's not part of those class opportunities and IMO should be kept strictly outside of the class. In a small class I think the teacher ought to explain privately to the others "look, this is going on, I chose X Y and Z because they look right, learn fast, etc etc, we are still doing the hafla performance and you will have a chance then..." so they don't feel conspired against. Then keep troupes and classes 100% separate.

For what it's worth you might be better off out of it. ;) . When teachers dance with students who are a long way behind them in terms of dance and performance ability it can look like a huge ego trip. The students inevitably look bad in comparison, and it always makes me wonder what the teacher was thinking - did she want them to look bad? Does she think it makes her look better? Does she think that her looking good outweighs her making her students look bad? (Not in my book it doesn't) :confused: :naghty: :(
 

iBellyDance

New member
Thank all of you so much for your replies and understanding!

It really helps to let things out and hear what other dancers think! I will talk to my instructor before or after the class next week and see what the situation is with hafla and my participation to this dance in a future... The confusion stresses me out. To her credit, our teacher started this school in 2010 (yes, we were her first students and we all started at the same time), so she is learning how to manage this kind of situations too... And she has a class of advance level (girls who did belly dancing for the last 10-15 years), where everyone perfoms - even dancers who are older and heavier than I am... So, I will learn and keep going. But i agree - if instructor will focus on building a show group, I will need to move on and study dance with somebody else.

THANK YOU!
 

iBellyDance

New member
BTW, I did not know if it was unusual or not for a teacher to perform with students. From what I observed during different school/group performances in my area, it is very common. I was surprised, but I though it is customary in US.
 

Mosaic

Super Moderator
Some teachers perform with their students, but probably more with advanced students or a performance group (top students especially chosen for semi professional/professional group performances). I believe most teachers encourage their belly-babes to perform without the teacher out in front "stealing" their beginning performance limelight. There is no hard & fast rule though.
~Mosaic
 

Amulya

Moderator
I think there is really good advice in this tread but I wanted to add:
if you feel the teachers style doesn't completely suit what you like, maybe you can take a second teacher who does a style you like better.

Btw 40 is still young, some very well known dancers are close to 40 and getting heaps of performances :)
 

iBellyDance

New member
Thank you, I agree - very good insights, I am glad I find this forum.

I agree that 40 is a good age, and I never hide mine, but the situation in class made me feel outdated... Hopefully, I will clarify it in a few days. There are other teachers in an our area, but i really like ours. And it was the very first time I felt bad after the lesson - despite the fact, that I was even not sure if I had a good reason to be upset.

Now I just need more information to make a decision. The problem might have more to do with me, than the teacher.
 

Kashmir

New member
I am Beginner/Intermediate level, love my teacher and fellow students, hardly miss any class since I started it (about 18 m ago).
<snip>
There are 5 students in our class now - three very nice, very beautiful, college age girls with long dark hair, about the same height, and me - in my 40th, blond, a little bit taller. [ I am 5'7, 145lb... ]
So you are tall and thin :D honestly - 145lb is hardly heavy! If this is the real reason you are not being asked to perform - leave - the teacher is poison.

However, you need to be realistic about your skill level and the others. It is possible that there is a significant difference. You need to speak to your teacher - ask when she is not busy - maybe make a time to ring her or meet her.

She has obviously told you over and over the costume is "modern" - I'd say a cheap way to costume students. Unflattering fo 95% of dancers. This could be her way of trying to get rid of you - certainly I would never impose such an ugly choice on my students.
 

Amulya

Moderator
She has obviously told you over and over the costume is "modern" - I'd say a cheap way to costume students. Unflattering fo 95% of dancers. This could be her way of trying to get rid of you - certainly I would never impose such an ugly choice on my students.


I agree, that can look awful on a lot of people, depending on what it is (modern can be many things), but 'real' belly dance costumes often look so much better on people. That however might be an issue moneywise.

There are actually quite ok cheap belly dance costumes on EBay that would suit a group, everybody could have the same one in a different colour. If your teacher is interested you could ask for advice in the costume section :)
 

iBellyDance

New member
Thank you, Kashmir and Amulya!

I will have lesson tomorrow and clear the situation. In any case, I will try to practice more often at home and keep belly dancing :)
 

iBellyDance

New member
Update: everything is ok!

I talked to my teacher. She was not sure, if we could get choreography ready for the hafla. We deffinitelly are not going to get our costumes ready. However, I am in, and we scheduled extra practices in the next 2 weeks to make our participation in hafla happens. Teacher also apologized for not letting me know about group plans earlier. The University performance is in April, so it is not the main focus now.

Girls, I am very encouraged by your comments, and I will work hard to improve my skills level. Thank you very much for your advices!
 
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