"Oh Hon, We Don't Dance."

[Indigo Shimmer]

So my family has noticed that I've been loosing a little weight. And they're curious. Around Christmas, I broke my word to myself and told my family what I was doing to loose weight. I told my mother first. Her reply was, "Oh Hon, we don't dance."

Now let me explain. I do not come from a family who believes that dancing is a sin. I was raised by a mother who has a serious appreciation for all forms of art. My parents were always going to the opera, classical concerts and musicals. When it was an Olympic year, Mom was glued to the T.V. ( an invention she despises! ) for the ice skating and the gymnastics. So I know she has a sincere love for the anything dance-like.

Her point, which she went on to tell me in detail, was that the women in this family are not capable of dancing. We are clumsy, awkward and well.....that's just not one of our talents, dancing of any kind, that is. Its something you watch other people do, we don't do it, 'cause we can't.

GREAT! No pressure, Ma! Guess what stray thought will probably flit through my brain seconds before I go on stage when I do my first routine!

In spite of what she said, I'M STILL DANCING!

Indigo S.

 

[Darshiva]

Just remember to put a 'my arse!' on the end of that thought & you'll be right. ("can't, my ARSE!" that is!)

 

[indrayu]

There's nothing like a challenge to get you moving!

Actually, you're probably fine. Your mother may be comparing her family's untutored attempts to Olympic gymnasts and figure skaters. How many professional dancers are at that level??

 

[Daimona]

Good thing you're not a clone of your mother. Perhaps your father gave you some hidden dance genes and all that was needed was some training to get the right neural patterns? Or perhaps she is just jalous because you actually just did it instead of blocking it out because you didn't think you could do it?

Well, someone has to break the spell and YOU are the one to break it, hooray!

And in addition, the only way to get rid of clumsyness and awkwardness when moving is by practicing and building those neural patterns that are needed.

Just remember to put a 'my arse!' on the end of that thought & you'll be right. ("can't, my ARSE!" that is!)

Wonderful tip!
Listen to Darshiva and enjoy dancing yourself as the first member of your family. And if you get (or have?) children, pass on the joy of dance to them.

Happy shimmies!

 

[Mosaic]

Teach your mum a few simple moves and have a giggle together and when you feel confident invite her to come and see you perform, she may then realise what wonders a little training can do and when you love and desire something how your heart and body responds
You go girl!
~Mosaic

 

[Zorba]

I wish I had a penny for every time I've heard the "I'm clumsy" excuse - including when I made it! Clumsiness can be overcome.

 

[Ahava_Melantha]

funny when I first started learning how to dance, my gma said "I never thought she'd learn, she had no sense of rythm". yeah, coming from someone who doesn't have any rythm, lol. the first dance, probably was the easiest to learn because of the awkward rythm shifts in it.

but still, I surpaced it and I learned grace and all that other stuff. just ignore it. You aren't your whole family.

 

[shiradotnet]

Her point, which she went on to tell me in detail, was that the women in this family are not capable of dancing. We are clumsy, awkward and well.....that's just not one of our talents, dancing of any kind, that is. Its something you watch other people do, we don't do it, 'cause we can't.

Remind her that you got only half your genes from her. The other half came from your dad, and tell her you know there's some dance aptitude in the genes you got from HIM just waiting for somebody to liberate it! :lol:

 

[Yorkshire Lass]

I think you have to bear in mind just because nobody in the family has done it before, doesn't mean it's impossible. If we only did what some people thought was "the sort of thing we do" then great changes in society would not be possible. My grandfather was told by a great many of his family that "there's no sense educating your daughters, people like us don't do that and they'll only get married." He didn't believe them and his daughters benefited from it.

I'm not convinced there's actually a gene for dancing ability although having family who dance can be an inspiration or a help. That said simply because your mother doesn't think "our family" can dance doesn't mean she's right.

All you can do is become the dancer you want to be and help your mother to learn that simply because nobody in the family has done it before, doesn't mean nobody in the family can.

 

[Indigo Shimmer]

I told my big sister what she said and she erupted!

"WHAT????!!!!! Whaddya mean 'We don't dance'???!! I've learned to line dance. And has she ever seen her grandson bust a move on the dance floor????"

My sister lives in Montana and I guess line dancing is expected when you go to the local bars there.

OR Mom could be using that age old practice of tearing you down just to build you up. All my childhood, when I was horse crazy, she would just shrug and say, "All little girls love horses. It's just a phase. You have to come from money or own land to have horses."

Yeah right! I now own a small farm and raise horses! AND worked as a groom for 20 years!

Say that I can't do something and I'll try to prove you wrong.

I'm not really doing this FOR HER. Or because 'no one in my family has done this and been any good.' Do I think I'm the next Rachel Brice??? Heavens no! Do I think I'm a natural???? Not exactly. I think I'm gonna have to work twice as hard as someone who is 'a natural'. It doesn't matter. I'm doing this FOR ME! If I have fun, great! If I get good enough to accept paying gigs, that's fantastic but not my ultimate goal. How long have I got to get good? Well, let's see. I'm on the tail end of 45. How old is Morocco? I guess I've got from now to age 100 to get REALLY good! Those are my goals so far.

But I WOULD like my parents to watch my recital on Father's Day and make Mom eat her words! Does that make me a bad person??????

Indigo Shimmer

 

[Ariadne]

But I WOULD like my parents to watch my recital on Father's Day and make Mom eat her words! Does that make me a bad person??????

:lol: No that makes you human.

Don't expect it to work out that way but it's a perfectly natural reaction.

 

[nightdancer]

Anyone that sits a canter and learns to shimmy cannot possibly be clumsy and awkward; it's a genetic impossibility.

 

[da Sage]

Say that I can't do something and I'll try to prove you wrong.

I'm not really doing this FOR HER. Or because 'no one in my family has done this and been any good.' Do I think I'm the next Rachel Brice??? Heavens no! Do I think I'm a natural???? Not exactly. I think I'm gonna have to work twice as hard as someone who is 'a natural'. It doesn't matter. I'm doing this FOR ME! If I have fun, great! If I get good enough to accept paying gigs, that's fantastic but not my ultimate goal. How long have I got to get good? Well, let's see. I'm on the tail end of 45. How old is Morocco? I guess I've got from now to age 100 to get REALLY good! Those are my goals so far.

That's the spirit! Do it for yourself because you like it, because it's fun, and because it makes you feel good. I've seen a couple of (originally) very mediocre dancers become really *very* good dancers AND performers - commanding every eye, pulling off those technically difficult skills, and truly connecting with the audience - all at the same time. They give me hope that if I ALSO apply myself, I will eventually be able to dance beautifully - in this lifetime!

But I WOULD like my parents to watch my recital on Father's Day and make Mom eat her words! Does that make me a bad person??????

Indigo Shimmer

Nah...invite your Dad, and see if he brings your Mom!

 

[walladah]

If we take genetics research seriously,

this is why women preferred to have males around, to mix genes and create artist offspring, instead of keeping living on trees for millions of years and communicate with funny screams!

Yes, you might have genes from your father or you might have mutated (more possible to develop a kinesthetic gene than a... telekinetic gene, do not pay attention to the movies) or the most possible thing might be this:

there is nothing wrong with your motherline genes, but another woman many decades ago told your mother that "women in this family do not dance, we are clumpsy etc" and your mother never took the chance to verify the statement.

So, do not bother with what she said, take the beautiful... inheritance you have from your mother and get it forward! Create the new tradition that "women in this family DO dance, they are elegant and gracious and yes, they have a propensity to bellydance".

Finally, i also agree with your attitude to say "i have so many years till my 100 to become an excellent dancer". And so it is!

Yes, from now on women in your family are also very dedicated to enjoy themselves till their 100!!
Welcome to the bellydance universe!

PS/OK, my feminist propensity spoke again. Women might have preferred to have males around because men would never be able to say "we women of this family are clumpsy". They might be able to say "women of this family are clumpsy", but then we can revolt against as this could be considered patriarchal repression. So easy to avoid matriarchal repression!

 

[PracticalDancer]

Can I just take a small moment to say that as mothers (sorry Zorba, make that parents!), mentors, and teachers to be really careful what we say to those who look up to us?

The slightest comment can crush a dream.

Indigo, my Mom said the same thing to me as a kid, and I believed it. It kept me from dancing, and being active, and doing a lot of the things I wanted to do. Somehow, I started dancing anyway. And, after about 9 years of it, she said something that washed all of the negativity away. After she saw me perform with my troupe for the first time, she had a delighted look on her face, telling me I was more beautiful and confident at 40 than I ever was at 20.

I hope you get to have a moment like that, sometime in the near future!

 

[Indigo Shimmer]

Anala,

Awww! Thank you! I hope that's what happens.

Actually when I first started dancing but was still keeping it a secret from my family, I was having a conversation about aging with my Mom and she mentioned how the older men got, the more careful, cautious and less willing to try new things they became while women seemed to go completely in the opposite direction. 'Gee, I've held back from doing this thing I've always wanted to do for so long, what's stopping me now???? Let's just go for it!'

I just smiled and thought how ironic it was that she would say this NOW!

Indigo S.

 

[LadyLoba]

I know how you feel in that I also have many family members who would not be at all supportive if they found out I belly dance. Nobody Im related to even knows...I keep it a secret from them...that's how bad their reaction would likely be.

The only people who know are my co workers and one friend...and they dont much care about it one way or the other...except one who seems to have a problem with it...but that's too darn bad.

In your case...it sounds like that's just what your mom says about anything related to dancing in your family, and would have said that automatically no matter who decided to take up dance. I hope she does come to see you..and realizes that if there is some "family dance curse" you broke it.

In my biological family...it's just kind of accepted and unspoken that nobody finishes college...and Ive got a younger cousin who I hear is now in medical school. (I have a BA and an MA myself).

 

[Greek Bonfire]

Hey Ma! Guess there is an exception to that rule!!!

 

[Shanazel]

Nope. Just a typical daughter.