Thanks for answering Khanjar. I felt I was being a bit pushy. Childhood survival habits can dog us our whole lives. We all like our comfort zones, even when they create discomfort – they are the familiar and so safer than the unknown. Being ignored or being a failure was one of mine. And that feeling of only being tolerated until someone finds out the truth about you is very familiar. I still am my own worst saboteur. So, like you Khanjar, why would I choose an activity that, when I started, felt so open to prejudice, judgement, ridicule or refusal for a UK bloke?
I don’t go down the pub, I don’t watch the soaps (don’t have a TV), I don’t follow sport, I’m not in a relationship nor obsessed with getting one, I’m not into cars or motorbikes, I’m not DIY handy – so as a typical male I’m a failure. I don’t even have children, so I’m also an evolutionary failure. Does this give me a reason to stop finding things I enjoy doing? Certainly not. Does it stop me finding people who share my interests, even if none of them share all of them? No.
Feelings don’t change just because reality is pointed out to you, so telling you that you are not just tolerated and that you have valuable contributions to make, won’t do any good unless you accept that for yourself. But you really already know that – you wouldn’t be contributing to the forums that you do, and you wouldn’t be pursuing your interests so persistently.
But on a lighter note, and relating to 'first Haflas' – I helped organise my first Hafla on Saturday!!It went far better than I’d hoped. Some really kind and great dancers came to perform, and the audience were supportive and participatory. I’ve suddenly accepted how good an image I portray through dancing (lots of after performance interest in how to bellydance, from both men and women, which is a great discovery and something I want to nurture).
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