1st Hafla question (and jitters!)

[khanjar]

I have had a few teachers over the years, but the one I have now I have no problem with, and the shoe issue, it was suggested when I started I might prefere to wear some kind of footwear,but not having anything suitable and not having previously danced in footwear, I elected to carry on as normal and that also because I was not aware of the reason for the suggestion to wear foot protection, I now know and have advised my classmates where they can purchase suitable wear in my town very cheaply. Myself I had to go online to purchase and managed to pick up a pair of new old stock men's Bloch prolite mark one ballet boots for less than six quid delivered and only hope they are delivered soon, hopefully in time for my next class, but that is the problem with ordering online and my only option given the urgency.

But a lot of my problem is the failure to understand spoken communication, I need explicit instruction and where possible reasons why, otherwise I may nod my head indicating I understand, but often it is I don't, but that is an automatic long learned habit from way back in my school days and beyond to avoid ridicule for not understanding, you see aspies weren't recognised then and those that didn't understand what the majority understood were singled out for a special dose of ridicule and everything that came with it.

But stuff from the past, a lot of stuff experienced, I suffer with a strong sense of not being wanted and am only permitted to be somewhere on licence, why the hell I am pursuing belly dance in the UK with what attitudes exist here I don't know, but perhaps it is I set myself up for failure, because I am used to it and everything I don't fail in is a plus and so a positive experience and there better learning. But be damned I do not fit into what my own gender does, that is for sure, I cannot even communicate with many down the pub, we have so different interests and motivations.

But you may ask yourself why someone may rattle on so much on an open forum, perhaps commit online suicide well for one I know my astrology, for I am a scorpio or in other symbology, a phoenix or serpent, the key being, I self destruct on a regular basis and each time, I learn something new.

[Duvet]

Thanks for answering Khanjar. I felt I was being a bit pushy. Childhood survival habits can dog us our whole lives. We all like our comfort zones, even when they create discomfort – they are the familiar and so safer than the unknown. Being ignored or being a failure was one of mine. And that feeling of only being tolerated until someone finds out the truth about you is very familiar. I still am my own worst saboteur. So, like you Khanjar, why would I choose an activity that, when I started, felt so open to prejudice, judgement, ridicule or refusal for a UK bloke?

I don’t go down the pub, I don’t watch the soaps (don’t have a TV), I don’t follow sport, I’m not in a relationship nor obsessed with getting one, I’m not into cars or motorbikes, I’m not DIY handy – so as a typical male I’m a failure. I don’t even have children, so I’m also an evolutionary failure. Does this give me a reason to stop finding things I enjoy doing? Certainly not. Does it stop me finding people who share my interests, even if none of them share all of them? No.

Feelings don’t change just because reality is pointed out to you, so telling you that you are not just tolerated and that you have valuable contributions to make, won’t do any good unless you accept that for yourself. But you really already know that – you wouldn’t be contributing to the forums that you do, and you wouldn’t be pursuing your interests so persistently.


But on a lighter note, and relating to 'first Haflas' – I helped organise my first Hafla on Saturday!! It went far better than I’d hoped. Some really kind and great dancers came to perform, and the audience were supportive and participatory. I’ve suddenly accepted how good an image I portray through dancing (lots of after performance interest in how to bellydance, from both men and women, which is a great discovery and something I want to nurture).

[Sophia Maria]

Also, a veil is not a coverup. They can be gotten very cheaply at the thrift store, there is no need to spend a great deal of money or effort on them. Also make sure that the neck opening is large enough as to not disturb your hair. I've lost a fair few hairpins to one coverup I used to have.

You can get a coverup at a thrift store? Have you found one that looks similar to a caftan? I myself have not managed to get a caftan yet (in learning to sew this summer hopefully I will make myself one). I've always known that it is good form to cover up, but for a few performances I have used my coat or a veil out of necessity. I ask because my first hafla is coming up as well, and I know I can't make myself a caftan before that time. Is there an easy place to find a similar item?

[Darshiva]

Depending on your location, astonishingly easy. Particularly since they were in fashion 1-2 years ago, meaning they should be readily available in op shops right now.

[Aniseteph]

I went to a hafla the other weekend. One of the organisers was a man, I think he was the only male present in the evening, he joined in the workshop beforehand. WHY WOULD ANYONE HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? People might be interested as to how he got into something that's so female dominated, but I can't imagine anyone challenging his right to be there (leaving aside that he's organising it, obviously).

I'm feeling more and more on this one that anyone who starts kvetching at male students is a) extremely rude, b) needs to learn to mind their own business, and c) is just showing their own ignorance. Belly dance isn't a wimmin's therapy group, it's dancing.

On topic - nobody bothered with coverups and some people were dressed up in costumes, although most were quite low-key. I guess it varies a lot.

[Taslin]

A male (pro: teacher/dancer) performed it was nice to watch him. Everyone loves him. Some dancers made sure they were dressed in time to watch him-so no animosity there :0)

Also our thrift store does have several caftan type cover-ups because many many immigrants donate and shop from the one i go to. I bought one to wear to the studio as a shirt over my costume, but didn't use it as that wasn't the choice of our group/instructor.

The ones i saw online were pricey for me, so im lucky i live in a diverse city.