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  1. #11
    Premium Member Aniseteph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lily_raks View Post
    ...In regards to my teacher, she is a very ethical person and is always fair with her students. She doesn't know about the comments this student made to me but she does notice we are no longer friends. It is obvious because we went to events together all the time and now they go together without me. They also invite our teacher out a lot ever since they stopped talking to me. ...
    Apart from the fact that she might appreciate knowing if there's anything going on in her classroom so she can do something - toxic atmospheres and/or her not sorting it won't do her student numbers or reputation any favours in the long run - she might also want to think about whether she has inadvertently got co-opted into any of their games.

  2. #12
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    Thanks!

    I will try to approach the situation with her in the best way possible.

    We have a show coming up organized by my teacher and it isn't fun thinking about the tension I may get with them as an audience. Or the after show dinner with all of us at the same table. May skip the dinner this time. As for my performance, I will just focus on everyone else and the music like I should and forget they're there.

  3. #13
    Moderator Shanazel's Avatar
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    Eleanor Roosevelt said, "When you know to laugh and when to look upon things as too absurd to take seriously, the other person is ashamed to carry through even if he was serious about it."

    The adolescent attitude of a couple of women is nothing when compared to the bounty of the rest of your life. Eleanor also said, No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You are consenting to their bullying.

    Stop.

    "Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn " if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."

  4. #14
    Member Munniko's Avatar
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    I'm really sorry for your situation and I wish you didn't have to put up with this in your spare time. I had a situation like this at my work place and it just came down to ignoring them and focusing on the good aspects.

    I would talk to the teacher about this situation because odds are she is oblivious just like the co-workers outside the drama I had were. So maybe talking will make it better or maybe it will just show you may have to move classes. I hope this situation is resolved in a good manner.

  5. #15
    V.I.P. shiradotnet's Avatar
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    I get the impression you like the teacher. So please don't leave her class over this. The fact that she's offering you professional opportunities shows that she thinks you have a lot of potential. She'd be very sorry to see you go. Also, if you leave, she probably won't ask you to dance there any more - teachers often give priority to their own students when they book dancers at restaurants.

    Do tell your teacher what's going on with these two individuals and let her know you've been wondering if you should leave her classes over it. It's hard to know whether she'd try to intervene with the others or not (some teachers would, some wouldn't), but she'll want to know she's at risk of losing a student that she thinks of highly enough to book for gigs.

    Continue being friendly toward the others in class who have NOT been ostracizing you. There's no need to let the two problem people damage your relationship with others in the class. The others have probably noticed the bad behavior of the two - show them that YOU are still a nice person by continuing to be friendly. If you withdraw from everyone else, the troublemakers might convince the others that you've become stuck up and "too good for everyone else" now that you have the gig. But if you continue to be warm toward those who deserve your warmth, the troublemakers won't be able to convince others that you're a bad person.

    Also, continue treating the two troublemakers with outward courtesy. It'll be hard to do that, because it's hard to be nice to people who have been mean to you, but it'll make YOU look like the better person. Greet them when you come to class, compliment them on cute outfits, say good-bye after class. Make eye contact and smile. You don't have to chat or make small talk, just treat them with the same level of courtesy that you'd give to a brand-new student who's still a stranger to you.

  6. #16
    V.I.P. Greek Bonfire's Avatar
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    I agree on telling your teacher what is going on, I also can't believe she doesn't know a thing about it. She probably thinks up to now that you are not letting it bother you. I would also treat these two with common courtesy but nothing more, yet I would not stoop to that level either. If you were only dancing because you are "young and skinny" you wouldn't last too long so you must have good dancing skills too. They are jealous and they look very foolish but unfortunately, many times there are way too many of these in every capacity in life.

  7. #17
    Moderator Shanazel's Avatar
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    Eh-hmm. Teachers are in class to teach and should not have to referee personal disagreements between adult students.

    I have great respect for Shira and the others who advocate dragging the teacher into it, but what exactly is the teacher supposed to do? Tell everyone to play nice or they'll have to go to time out?

    Seriously, my dear, now is the time to cowgirl up and learn to deal with these situations on your own. You can't learn any younger. If the situation becomes physically threatening at any point, then it is time to call in the big guns.
    "Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn " if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."

  8. #18
    V.I.P. shiradotnet's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Shanazel View Post
    I have great respect for Shira and the others who advocate dragging the teacher into it, but what exactly is the teacher supposed to do? Tell everyone to play nice or they'll have to go to time out?
    I agree with you, it's not the teacher's "job" to referee disputes between students.

    However, at the same time if I were about to lose a promising student due to some sort of conflict with her classmates, I'd want to be told about it before she vanishes, leaving me wondering what ever happened to her. I doubt I'd go tell the other students to stop being mean to her, but it's theoretically possible I'd try to give her some ideas on what SHE can do to cope with the situation. Or not. It would depend on so many variables.

  9. #19
    Moderator Shanazel's Avatar
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    I agree with you, too, Shira, that I'd hate to lose a promising student to class disagreements, especially without explanation. I'd be more comfortable being approached from a "do you have any suggestions how I can handle this" point than a "do something" point, for sure.

    Lily, I think, did the sensible thing and sought input from folks on OD. I hope it helps you, my dear.
    "Well, now that we have seen each other," said the unicorn " if you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you."

  10. #20
    AFK Moderator ~Diana~'s Avatar
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    Ah jealousy, really shows the true side of a person.

    Anyway my advice would be to do what makes you feel happy. Only you can decide how you feel!! I hate it when people let go of their power and allow others decide how they feel. Their actions and behaviors should be blaring alarms to you as to how they really are and in my books how friends should never be. I would never keep these people as friends no matter how we 'used to be.'

    I would also never allows others actions to push me into actions that would make me unhappy. Frankly, ignore the hell out of those childish women. Be the adult in the group and make the decision that they are no longer your friends and you don't owe them anything. Don't take their comments to heart but hear the true words of their jealousy and immaturity in them. It really is not you they are talking about but themselves.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    1. Beginning dancer. Knows nothing.
    2. Intermediate dancer. Knows everything. Too good to dance with beginners.
    3. Hotshot dancer. Too good to dance with anyone.
    4. Advanced dancer. Dances everything. Especially with beginners
    .
    ~ Attributed to Dick Crum, a folk dance teacher ~

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