Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 18

Thread: Toxic Teachers

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    23
    Post Thanks / Like

    Mad Toxic Teachers

    Hi all.

    I posted a while back about problems I had been, and am unfortunately still having, with my teacher. Things seem to have taken a turn from the worse. She has been contacting other dancers and teachers about me. Luckily most of them aren't taking sides and are not getting involved but I feel so down about the whole thing.

    I don't know what I've done to inspire such pure hatred from my ex-teacher but my god, she has it in for me

    In my other thread Darshiva kinda posted a link which talked about "toxic techers" which describes my old teacher down to a tee.

    So, what makes a teacher turn in to a soul destroying beast? All I'm trying to do right now is further my dance study, meet up with dancers to work on formations and chorus work and eventually I do want to teach, not right now but in time I do. I'm not trying to disrespect or offend or hurt anyone but this old teacher of mine is making me feel like giving up on my dreams entirely.

    Has anyone any advice of how to deal with this? I'm just feeling so lost and lonely , I have no other teacher or dancers to speak to about it because most of them know her and I don't want to bring my current teacher in to the whole drama really as it isn't fair on her. I just don't know what to do anymore

  2. #2
    AFK Moderator ~Diana~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Newfoundland, Canada
    Posts
    1,603
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Please tell me that you are NOT still taking classes from this person!??

    My best advice is to not act like her at all and don't do anything that would stoup to her level. If people ask you about her don't take about her. Start taking classes with other teachers and learn from them. Let them get to know you and that way they will overcome any ideas the other teacher might have put to them. Also don't even mention your old teacher or talk down about her to anyone, this can only put you in a negative light.

    Top advice, let is slid off your back. You can't control how other people act or behave. You can't control what other people think or believe. So WHY are you letting yourself (the one thing you can control) get stressed out and emotionally distraught over this? Sounds like the other teacher wants to get back at you for some reason only known by her and by letting yourself get worked up like this you are doing exactly what she wants to happen to you. Take back your own power!
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    1. Beginning dancer. Knows nothing.
    2. Intermediate dancer. Knows everything. Too good to dance with beginners.
    3. Hotshot dancer. Too good to dance with anyone.
    4. Advanced dancer. Dances everything. Especially with beginners
    .
    ~ Attributed to Dick Crum, a folk dance teacher ~

  3. #3
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    23
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Thanks for your response Diana,

    Haha no I am definately not taking classes with her anymore!! I understand I shouldn't let myself get down about this, clearly she is childish and immature and has some serious issues going on, I suppose it's hard not to let things get to me...that's definately something I need to work on, especially if I wanna teach!!

    I am taking classes with another teacher now, online lessons as there is no other teacher in my area. I'm trying to forget about her altogether and just focus on my dancing, in fact I was doing really well and was feeling so positive until I fould out she had contacted my current teacher about me as well. She just can't leave me be, maybe I should be flattered

    I just do not understand what I've done to her and why she hates me so much.

  4. #4
    Senior Member walladah's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Greece
    Posts
    727
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default Do not take it personally, she hates all her students

    even those who are her pets (maybe those, she hates them most).

    Forget about her. People cannot always become as generous as their art. By the way, Remember not to get very close to the dancers/students who at this moment do not take sides or support her as the strong part of the quarrel. You will be stronger in a while and you do not want a silly court around you...

  5. #5
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    23
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Thanks Walladah, I'm trying to just focus on me and remind myself why I love this dance.

    My fiance wants me to contact Carolena directly and discuss the issues as this ex teacher of mine is/was a Sister Studio. She said she was no longer calling herself a Sister Studio for some reason or another but now she is again I think, she changes her mind so often I cant keep up. I am not going to contact Carolena as to be honest I'm sure she has more important things to be getting on with than dealing with an issue which could quite easily be resolved if ex teacher could act her age. I'm just worried as it seems she is trying to poison the whole ATS world against me.

  6. #6
    Moderator Darshiva's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Kyabram, Vic
    Posts
    4,471
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Talk to your current teacher about it. And by that say 'Look, I am stressed about it and it is impacting on my practice. Can you give me some advice on dealing with it or some moral support?'

    Don't place the burden of dealing with this situation on your new teacher, that's not fair. But there is no need for you to deal with it on your own.

    Just remember when talking through this issue to keep things neutral, don't let emotion come into it. Stick to the facts - the things that you have proof are true. Refuse to let your imagination get the better of you with this.

    Ignoring it won't work, but treating it like it is completely inconsequential within your community will. If it comes up while you're in the community, keep any answers short and to the point. (whenever people used to ask me about my teacher or about other teachers in the area, I'd say "I don't know, I haven't had the opportunity to speak with her myself'/'I'm sorry, most of the dancers I deal with are from (nearest capital city), not here, so I don't know')

    So here's how I deal with it. I never speak about those who did me ill in bellydance circles. If their names come up, I use the above tactics and change the subject. I decided early on (on the advice of my husband and two different bellydance mentors) to focus all the energy I was expending on feeling isolated and very annoyed on becoming the best bellydancer I could be. And although I am still developing as a dancer, this tactic has worked. I'm the best dancer I can be, anything said against me is easily shot down by just watching me dance/teach/speak and I don't have people questioning my motives.

    Just something you might want to consider.

  7. #7
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    23
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Thanks so much Darshiva, sounds like you've really grown as a dancer as a result of trying not to let things get to you.

    That's very much my plan, to just focus all my efforts on becoming a better dancer. My fiance doesn't want me to let it go as he has seen how very upset this has made me but I don't want to let it get any worse. I don't want any other student to go through what I've been through, that's for sure.

    My worry is that for about 2 weeks I had done just that, had moved on totally and focused my energy on improving my dance skills. And then I just found out today about her talking about me to other teachers and it's brought me right back down as it seems she cannot let this go. The issues we are having are caused by genuine misunderstandings as a result of poor communication and should really be quite simple to fix but she is hell bent on holding a grudge. I feel like I cannot do any more to try to sort things out but I just worry that even if I try to move on, that she will not and will continue to cause trouble for me.

  8. #8
    Moderator Darshiva's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Kyabram, Vic
    Posts
    4,471
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Seriously, just throw your hands up in the air and let her say whatever she wants. She'll say it anyway and this wayyou don't have to get involved in it. It will reflect better on you long-term if you just let her have her whargarble and just carry on doing your daily stuff.

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Posts
    23
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    That's what I'm starting to see Darshiva, and at least then if she does insist on causing issues for me I can say I've been the bigger person, I've moved on from things, she's the immature one who can't let go and move on with her life.

    I haven't said a bad word to anyone about her and I wouldn't dream of doing so, even now. I'm quite shocked that she stooped that low to go talking about me behind my back.

  10. #10
    Moderator Darshiva's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Kyabram, Vic
    Posts
    4,471
    Post Thanks / Like

    Default

    Don't do it to be the 'bigger person'. Do it because it's a complete waste of your time to get involved in such pettiness.

    For me what it came down to is that I'd rather spend my time on being a better dancer than trying to drag down someone else's reputation. Seems like a much better spend of my efforts to me.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •