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Thread: Toxic Teachers

  1. #11
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    Oh no, I wouldn't do it to be the bigger person, I'd do it because like you said I would much rather channel that energy into something positive like my dancing and just improve a much as I can.

  2. #12
    Senior Member Sophia Maria's Avatar
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    I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Viola. Unfortunately this is just one of those things can just happen...regardless of whether one seeks drama out or avoids it at all costs. You just have to be dedicated to your goals (dancing), always polite and professional, and consistent. After that, anybody can say anything mean behind your back and nobody else will believe them. Integrity is the most important.

    I'm happy you have this attitude though.

    Side note: maybe you could contact Carolena (Nericcio, I'm assuming?) about this, since it's a sister school. Although I don't know what the decorum is on this, is she strictly responsible herself for all schools associated with FCBD? I think it could be unreasonable to expect to her to manage all of that.

  3. #13
    Premium Member Aniseteph's Avatar
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    I wouldn't contact anyone about her - don't waste any more energy on it. It's not your problem. Who'd look like the bad guy when she found out? If she is a toxic fruitcake it'd make her 10 times worse because she really would have something to blame you for, rather than a bunch of imagined slights.

    However upsetting it is to think she might be badmouthing you to other teachers, anyone worth having anything to do with in your community will rate you on your behaviour, and her on hers. It's so unprofessional to talk publicly about a student or ex-student in a negative way that my first reaction would be "woah, what's HER problem?" rather than "oh that student must be horrible then".

    Also, what teacher is going to turn up the chance of an enthusiastic regular paying student? "So&so told me you did XYZ so you can't come to my classes". Really? Unless XYZ was running amok with a sword and needing the police calling out, not really interested. Even if XYZ was Being Disloyal... yeah, whatevs. <makes inner note to watch own back, and deal with it if bad things happen. And pockets class fee. >

  4. #14
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    I am so sorry to read your problem with your ex teacher, know that the bd community as an whole is not like this!

    Our teacher once had ex student/ now teacher trying to put her down. The brat actually went to the extend of trying to get us to switch classes, gossiping on events, campaining for her side where she could and so on. Our teacher told us that there was an iff, but never did not get into detail about it, that was between them. Now, our teacher is still in high regard in our bd community and only 1 student switched(same character, they found eachother). The brat and her students are not being invited for events and she has no support left outside her own little circle.

    Darshiva is right, don`t give her the attention she wants, don`t stoop to her level. People will see who is for real, even though she is in the bd world for longer then you!

    And don`t stop dancing, for nobody! As long as you can, please do, it is yur happiness involved!

  5. #15
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    Thanks everyone. I'm trying to keep positive and just try to forget about it. I've been so stressed about it that it's actually been affecting my health.

    The things she has been saying are horrible, she says I've been critisizing her knowledge and her teaching methods which is so not the case. I would never do that. During my online class yesterday the new teacher said my old teacher must have done something right because I'm really good, so it sounds like she's been telling her I've been badmouthing her teaching abilities. I didn't bother explaining that most of what I've learned I've taught myself at home, like zills for example.

    It's just been draining the energy out of me. Im still a baby dancer here with no reputation whatsoever, I'm just afraid that when I do go in to teaching that she will have poisoned everyone against me by then. I'm hoping most of out bd community isn't as evil as her. I'll be studying wth Carolena and Megha in Spring so I hope they just see my dedication and passion and don't listen to whatever gossip my ex teacher might try and spread.

  6. #16
    Member AndreaSTL's Avatar
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    I would not bring anything up to Carolena before you meet her in person. You can get an idea of how she feels about "sister studio" status and decide then if you should bring it up. If you do say anything you run the risk of looking bad yourself - are you trying to ruin her? Were you there for any of the bad stuff or is just your word against hers? I am not familiar with the sister studio designation, so I don't know if the two dancers are friends or merely business acquaintances. While your intent may be purely good (saving Carolena's reputation) you could possibly be viewed as vindictive.

    As for the recent gossiping, I'm curious how you found out about it. Are the other teachers telling you, or are they telling someone else who in turn tells you? If the teachers are telling you, you can just say something like, "She clearly has issues with me, and I'm sorry you've been dragged into it." Say no more. Carry on with your conversation immediately without giving the other teacher a chance to ask for details. You've acknowledged that there was a dustup but haven't stooped to her level.

    If it's another student telling you what your former teacher told their teacher - whoa! That's way too far removed and open for too much interpretation. Kind of like saying to someone, "You're so cool!" Depending on how you say it and the body language/facial expressions you use it could be a genuine compliment or a sarcastic barb. I would just say something like, "I can't even explain what she's thinking" and let it drop.

    As someone who has been through it I know it's frustrating and demoralizing. Chances are that most people in the community know she's a nutter, and sometimes it's just easier to let people rant and then ignore it than to go against them or try to set the record straight. If it helps, I'm sure it's not just a "you" thing. There have probably been victims in the past and sadly there will likely be more down the road. It does suck to feel like you are persecuted for no good reason, but quite honestly there's not a thing you can do. She will not stop, and it will be worse for you if you allow yourself to get dragged into it. If you think it's emotionally draining now think about how bad it would be if you actively engaged her!

  7. #17
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    Hi AndreaSTL. thanks for your input

    I have indeed decided against contacting Carolena for the very reasons you stated. I dont want it to reflect badly on me as a dancer. I will be training with her in April, so if ex-teacher has spoken to her about me then I just hope Carolena can see my passion and dedication and realize that anything that has been said about me is just not true. I have now blocked said teacher from being able to contact me as I honestly want to forget about her and dont want another angry message from her bringing me down.

    I actually heard that she had been talking about me from my new teacher who said she had spoken to her about me. The new teacher was very kind about the situation and said she would rather not take sides.

    I'm just hoping that without a reaction from me she will move on with her life and leave me alone. I am meeting up today with some friends I made whilst in her classes and we are going to be practicing together so I'm looking forward to it, I just want to get on with my dancing and forget about her.

  8. #18
    Premium Member Aniseteph's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by AndreaSTL View Post
    If it's another student telling you what your former teacher told their teacher - whoa! That's way too far removed and open for too much interpretation.
    Absolutely. In this case I would think like Oscar Wilde - "There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about", and chalk it up to your charisma that people clearly can't help themselves talking about you. What's a girl to do but let them get on with it? <resigned diva-esque shrug>

    Don't stress, everyone can spot the drama llamas. <hug>

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