Belly Dance Cliques?

Kasienka

New member
I don't know if it's me or if it's just a few bad experiences. But it seems like every workshop/hafla I go to the people have known each other for 15+ years and I feel like a bit of a fool to show up to the party "uninvited". Even workshop/hafla situations publicized on sites like bhuz and zaghareet have been this way for me! I would love to here if anyone else has these experiences? Or tips on how you can avoid ending up in these situations. Is this just what happens when you're a solo dancer?
 

Zorba

"The Veiled Male"
Strike up a conversation with someone or one of the groups. In my neck of the woods, we're always glad to meet someone new and include her in the group.
 

Mosaic

Super Moderator
I think bellydancers overall are small communities so everyone takes the opportunity to go along to haflas etc, so it stands to reason they all seem to know one another. Do as Zorba suggests & next time you go to a gathering you are bound to see a familiar face:) It is the same here in Australia, but if you go to events often enough you soon meet the dancers & make friends. Good on you going as a solo dancer, don't give up.
~Mosaic
 

Roshanna

New member
It happens to me if I go to a workshop out of town, because all the other people there know each other from class or local haflas etc. But I don't really mind, I don't think it's really a clique if people are friends with their classmates. I might try to talk to someone, but since I'm pretty shy, I may also just read a book or something in any breaks, if there is nobody there that I know at all. Networking on facebook helps (yes Zorba, I know you don't like facebook :p ), because it means I get to know dancers from further afield online, and then they are more likely to chat to me if they see me in real life. The more events you go to, the more people you get to be on at least smiling and nodding terms with :)
 

Shanazel

Moderator
At such gatherings, I try to notice people who look like they feel out of place and make an effort to speak with them. I've met some really cool people that way. A few times I've been at regional gatherings where a group of gals all wearing identifying troupe jackets chatter together and pointedly ignore everyone else. Pro-fesh-a-nuls, doncha know? :rolleyes: I've decided they are doing a public service by remaining aloof.

(May I have a bowl for my cream, please?)
 

Aniseteph

New member
Troupe jackets, wow. There's a club I would not want to be part of.

Anyhoo, ITA with what's been said. Even without cliques, you might get lucky and meet one of the Shanazels of this world, or end up next to Ms Shy who is just not the outgoing type. And anyone can get a bit preoccupied if they are due to perform.

Deliberate cliqueiness is stupid - newcomers keep things fresh and networking between groups benefits everyone.
 

Roshanna

New member
Troupe jackets, wow. There's a club I would not want to be part of.

Actually, quite a lot of us at the dance group I'm part of have matching black hoodies with "Oxford Bellydance Mafia" on the back in gold glitter that we wear on dance outings :redface:
We try to be friendly though!
 

Aniseteph

New member
I guess I am just not a team player or have too much of the Groucho Marx about me when it comes to clubs and groups . I might run to hen night style t shirts next time me and dance buddy do a road trip, for a giggle, but I had a mental image of be-sequined satin polyester bomber jackets with Sisters of the Desert DooDah across the back in faux Arabic script, because troupe costume person thinks it is Fun and Bonding. And having to wear it not just at dance events but in public. No.

(And my penance for passing judgement on troupe jackets is a persistent mental image of Groucho Marx in one. Karma strikes.)
 

Shanazel

Moderator
:lol: That pretty much describes the jackets, all right, though none of the gals look like Groucho or even Karl.

My group's private name for ourselves is The Belly Button Jewels of the North Platte with each of us taking our birthstone as a name (Lady Aquamarine writing here: thought that was classier than Bloodstone or Jasper). Our performing name (when we bother to use one) is The Veiled Threats. Also considered: CYA (Cover Your Asp). There is a fusion group in Montana called Bad Asps.

Thou shalt not take thyself too seriously. :cool:
 

Salome

Administrator
I just got back from an event I've done every year since I was a young teenager and before that attended back to childhood. I have close relationships and years of history with the other artists... It's very close knit! I've never intentionally ignored a new comer but it occurred to me this weekend what it must be like trying to come into our little community! In fact, one of the musicians partners (and it wasn't her first time) was sitting alone quite a bit. I told her, just come and insert yourself when you see us gathering!! Try to connect with other groups and more often than not people will be receptive.
 

Aniseteph

New member
Bad Asps, love it. :cool:

ETA, Karl Marx in a troupe, <snort>. Karl might get annoying, but I would join a troupe with Harpo like a shot though, even with poly satin bomber jackets. See, I totally did not think this one through. :rolleyes:
 
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Shanazel

Moderator
Me, too. It isn't often you get a chance to belly dance with dead comedians in sky blue satin bomber jackets.
 

Zumarrad

Active member
You just approach people who look interesting and talk to them, and be prepared to move on at any time. It's either that or say nothing all weekend. I am quite good at it. I hate forcing myself on people but as a sole operator I pretty much have to, and at least I'm not selling anything. If people don't want to talk to you they won't. If they do, they will.
 

Chuck

New member
It happens at all "groups" of any kind... In my life I am a DJ and I go to conventions, I am a member of National Organizations, wrote for DJ magazines, lead workshops and so on, so in my little world I'm kinda known,but still at gatherings, those that know each other well tend to huddle together.... It is hard even for guys like me to walk up and break into a group, but when I do, 99% of the time as long as I am not trying to take over the conversation, it's cool.

For people who put on an event, a good thing might be to announce that people should seek someone new out, say hello, trade a biz card,,, during a break at a hafla that would be a cool thing to do since most people seem to huddle with their friends... safety in numbers... I try to go to DJ get togethers without my "circle" so I am forced to meet new DJs,,,,
 

Amulya

Moderator
I think generally people are happy to meet new people and add new friends to their 'clique', but I do understand how hard it can be to talk to people, I don't find that easy.
 

~Diana~

AFK Moderator
Ah yes. Been there many times. All of the workshops and conferences I've been to I have felt that way when I didn't know anyone. The hardest part is just getting over your own mental discomfort and reaching out to strike up a conversation with someone who also does not look like they are part of a group. It is far easier to start with a single person than jump into a group of people. That one person could be your way into meeting a whole group of people. Good conversation openers would be, how long have you danced? are you local or travel in? what style of dance they do, what brought them to this workshop/conference, first time here, etc.

Introducing and striking up conversations to make new friends from total strangers I believe is a skill that everyone needs to learn. It is not something innate that people just know how to do. It takes practice and learning from trial and error.

I've been to one workshop where there was a women off by herself and looking unhappy to be there & miserable. Because she looked miserable and was showing all the 'don't talk to me' none-vocal behaviors nobody was approaching her. Turned out later that she was miserable because nobody was talking to her. See the self-induced circle of exclusion happening there?

Just word of the wise, don't be that person who throws themselves into others conversations and acts like they are the best dancer and know everything just to get peoples attention. That never works and ends up getting people to dislike you. I know some insecure people who did that and could have told them it would backfire.

Also my dance troupe has jackets as well but they are just black cotton with a tiny troupe logo on the front upper left area. Plus my dance groups personality is very open and we don't see ourselves as better than anyone else just because we are part of that troupe. Which is what happens usually with Cliques. Those people associate only with those people. You will never see them talking to anyone outside their group.
 
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