dancer etiquette - towards other dancers

[anonymous1]

I am sorry to post my drama here! But I get really good advice from all of you. I live in a big big city and run a very popular show. I wanted to post this anonymously because I am in a tizzy. Not that anyone who knows me couldn't figure out who I am in a second!
My show has been going on for a while now - I have a big audience and lots of support. I recently broke with a dancer who was a partner in this show because she was rude to the venue and to me and left me holding the bag on everything.
I have worked my butt off to make this show great. I have helped the venue stay in business and brought a lot of life to an otherwise lifeless area. Recently a middle eastern venue opened up next door. They and my venue share the space. They would like to share in my show which could mean quite a bit of $$ for them.
I have introduced myself to this venue assuming that they would call me since they want belly dancing nightly. I have dropped off tons of cards.
They have invited a friend of mine to dance twice a week and teach there on the weekends. No one called me - least of all the dancer who only found out about this place because I invite her to dance at my show. So I am pretty ticked off that I hear about this not from the venue or the dancer but from a random tribe posting.
What is up with this!!! I feel very downtrodden and upset. I have supported this place for a long time and feel that I should be at least invited to dance. Let me just say that we are both professionals so it is not about one of us being better than the other.
This venue is also expecting me to open my show to them for their benefit. But I am not feeling very magnanimous.
The twist to this is that the dancer is best friends with the dancer I split with and will most likely include her. Now I try to be super community oriented. I give lots of performance opportunites to dancers of all different levels.
What is the appropriate course of action for this situation? My teacher always said "don't take an opportunity away from another." She also taught me not to go into another dancer's territory without communicating.
Recently I have talked to some of my friends about this and my older dance friends think it is not nice. But my younger dance friends think that everyone should do whatever they want. What ever happened to treating each other with respect?
Ok ok end of rant. Any advice helpful.

[RioDancerCO]

Hmmm, well, my thoughts are this: My dad always tells me to treat my life like a business and do what's makes good business sense. From that perspective two things come to mind. It doesn't sound like the Middle Eastern establishment near you made any promises to have you come and dance so if that's the case, they haven't fallen through on anything they agreed to. Second, if they stand to make profit from your event, they should be proper sponsors and have a contract that involves contribution on their part. That contribution could be financial or perhaps help with organizing. There are lots of reasons that I can think of why one dancer might be chosen instead of another that have nothing to do with the quality of the performance. It could be something as simple as an assumption that you wouldn't have the time. I'm sorry this has you upset! It's so hard to be businesslike sometimes when it involves something we all get so passionate about... Good luck!

[Lydia]

O sweety i feel for you!! I think that you must not do anything,let it go and learn from it,put your nose real high and be super nice to the people that do this to you,but never forget what they did ,because they will do it again....So do your own thing ,put your frustration in to your work make it into positive energy and bloom dubble!! I see this all the time....it seems that lately many people think differant then how it used to be, now everything is fine backstabbing grabbing your sistr,s job undercutting prices,its all ok they say business is business......I remeber how good it use to be...you dint do all this because everybody would look at you in a way that made you feel guilty and bad,but now ?? learn from it sweetheart ,times are changing its very ,,normal,, the things that you mention are happening easy this days,its very sad....you keep your nose high ,remeber just who you are,and bloom ...big hug and smile it will pas!! do a great show tonight give it your best it is what matters most....Lydia

[Salome]

I have not had my coffee yet so it could be all very clear but my piston's are not firing yet. Just humor me. They opened up next door but they share the space? How is that? They have hired their own dancers but want to "share" in your show too but have not asked you to dance? Again, not quite getting it. Is this like a big warehouse and you all are in the same room or something?

[Ranya]

Wanted to ask the same as Salome (but I guess for me it's not the lack of coffee but the language barrier more like...hm. I'm getting lost, but I know at least that there is sth very serious going on).

[Tabitha]

I agree with Lydia. I have found that the more I get disappointed with people is because I have come to expect so much from them. But in this business club owners and dancers are all like the wind...they blow one way then they blow the other...whichever pleases them, not you. Once I started rolling with things and believing in a greater "dance karma" that more good things will come my way I was much happier.

But I'm sorry this has gotten you so upset, and I understand. But also like others have said I don't quite understand the situation so that's the best advice I can offer.

[anonymous1]

I am finally getting back to this thread and I want to thank everyone who has replied. The 2 venues share a backyard garden where the dancing is done.
They are 2 separate businesses but share the back area for events. When they said they wanted to have belly dancing all the time I was very excited. But instead they hired someone else. Which is fine really. The place is too small to really support dancing with only about 3 ft of space to dance in. What bothers me is the dancer that got hired knows my feelings about this and has told me that she wants to support me - which is really insulting because her actions speak differently. However.....she hires other dancers and has shows there and can't even put me on her email list. Other dancers are calling me daily asking me if I've heard she is doing blah blah blah in the space and expressing their disdain of her choice to exclude me.I get third party emails updating me on what is going on. She is not communicating with me in any way. I have given her probably about 10 different opportunities to perform at my show but nada from her. Why can't we reciprocate and look out for each other? I gotta get out of this city. I hear it is better and less competitive in other parts of the country.

[Salome]

Ahh, ok I get the space situation now. This is one of those scenerio's that could have any number of things drivng it down the road its gone. Maybe, for some reason, the other owners don't like your dancing. Maybe, this other dancer is a user and now that you are of no more use to her you're 'out'. Maybe, because both owners are frequently having performances they would like the line up to be varied. Refusing to communicate with you, even in a generic email annoucement about the shows, does kind of suggest that whatever is going on is her own agenda. But who knows, right? I would try to make peace with the fact that you are probably not going to get a candid answer.

Technically, imo, I'd say that she is not obligated to hire you for this or any other show on the basis that you chose to hire her in the past. BUT, in the spirit of the 'I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine' law at least one reciprocal invitation to perform would be in good taste.