Bachelor parties

[Zarina]

For those of you who are professionals (and by that I mean anyone who gets paid to dance in any situation), do you do bachelor parties? Why or why not? If you do, what have your experiences been like? Do you bring an extra person along for security? I'd like to hear whatever anyone has to say about them.

 

[Yasmine Bint Al Nubia]

Hi Zarina, Our school and I do not perform at bachelor parties. We believe that the audience at bachelor parties will not appreciate the artistry of Oriental dance in relation to its cultural roots. Men at bachelor parties(at least in America), are often drunk or on their way to drunkenness and therefore can be rude if not dangerous. The expectation of this type of audience is one of sexual titillation, in the form of removing clothing ,etc.
IMO, even strippers aren't safe in this type of environment. Men seem to be well behaved when there are other women around in the audience.
I'm not putting down men in general, but describing behavior that occurs in less than gentlemanly circumstances.
Yasmine

 

[Mariesaffron]

bachelor parties

No, I do not dance at bachelor parties, for the reasons Yasmine mention and for many other reasons, it is not safe not good for the dance is degrading, Marie

 

[Amulya]

Me neither. But I do hens nights. Although I hate them. It is very different here from hens nights in Holland. The Dutch hens nights are more like whole hens, days so the women are not drunk when they have their belly dance workshop and they seem genuinely interested in doing workshops. Here they are just drunk and annoying. But I do these workshops because they pay well and in hope I can still educate some people...

 

[Yshka]

I've never done any bachelor parties (just started performing anyway lol), but I'm sure I'll NEVER EVER do such a thing. Most reasons have been mentioned already. Now about hens nights I don't know, if it's workshops I'd have to learn how to teach first

 

[Moon]

what are hens nights?

 

[Safran]

Moon, hens' night is the girls' equal to bachelor parties.

I've never done a bachelor party gig either and I've decided to take on a policy of not doing any in the future. Maybe it is unfair and stereotyping from our side as well, but indeed, all-male audience and the reputation of such parties can harm you, your performance and dance in general.

Hens' nights would be cool though... Assuming they are adequate (read: more on the sober side), of course...

 

[Moon]

Thanks Maariku.
I'm still a beginner but if I'd ever perform for money, I wouldn't do bachelor parties either. Hens' nights maybe (I hate that term by the way, why isn't it called "women's bachelor party"?)
I would never want a bachelor party for myself either if I'd plans to get married.

 

[Safran]

Hey Moon! Actually, I think there is also a term "Bachelorette party", which should be the more formal term for hens' night. Native speakers, correct me if I'm wrong.

And I think the bachelorette parties are a rather nice thing. A girlie-night with a "meaning". And they are a great excuse to have a party hafla-style!

 

[MirahAmmal]

I agree with what the others have said--no bachelor/all male parties. Safety and concerns about appreciation of the dance are part of it, but also, as dancers in the States anyway, many of us and the women who came before us have had to work very hard to dispel myths about this dance form and present it as an art, a women's dance, something altogether different from stripping. Doing all-male parties undermines that. (Historically too there are also icky echos of the European orientalist-imperialist period when one performs for the pleasure of men...but that's deeper than I'm going to delve right here.) I *did* once do a party that was termed a bachelor party...but it was actually a couples party--more like a shower--so the audience was mixed and the mother of the groom (who was at the party) hired me because there was some Arabic heritage/history involved and she/her son saw having a dancer as a sign of celebration, not as sexual send off or point of embarrassment. (We had a long conversation before I agreed to the gig.)

Women's parties (including bachellorettes and bridal showers) are an altogether different matter. That's much more in line with the traditions of the dance. It's celebratory, interactive, women-dancing-for-women...and when I teach a mini-workshop in these settings, it's more about the women enjoying each other's company and their own feminine power than a single woman's last hurrah, if you know what I mean.

 

[Demelza]

Bridal Showers are lovely.

Here in England we have Hen nights (which usually entails a group of girlies going on a pub crawl with sexy little red devils costumes on or dressed as bunny girls, and the bride with a veil and an 'L' plate around her neck!! The girls usually secretly organise a male stripper for the bride to be). I always cringe at hen parties. Even my own sisters, although the stripper was mighty nice - he came dressed as a fire-man.

And the men don't have bachelor parties - Here it's called a Stag Night. The groom to be, being the Stag. They are just a group of guys getting completely licked, and end the night by tying the stag to a tree and leaving him there. Naked !! . . . . that's why they stopped having Stag nights the night before the wedding, because too many grooms just didn't turn up !!

If i ever get married (insha-allah / God willing). . . . I would try to have a much more sophisticated doo. and probably call it a 'bridal shower!'

xxx

 

[Sara]

Here it's tradition to tie em to a lamp post naked and handcuffed.

Sometimes and a Stag do they have strippers, unless you go to Queen Vic and they're there already. I was gunna get a job there untill I realised it was topless...

 

[TribalDancer]

Bridal Showers are lovely...

If i ever get married (insha-allah / God willing). . . . I would try to have a much more sophisticated doo. and probably call it a 'bridal shower!'

A lot of us here in the U.S. do BOTH.

The Bridal Shower is the brunch, lunch, or tea where we get together with our Mom's and grandma's, as well as friends and colleagues, and open gifts and play silly games. Games may include things like breaking into teams and competing for best bridal gown made from toilet paper wrapped creatively on one of the team members. Gags may include recording all the comments the bride makes about the gifts as she opens each one, and then reading the list back as a list of things that will be said on her wedding night...*nudge nudge*

The Bachelorette Party is when you get together with only your closest friends, because the chance of being embarrassed is high. Often you are dressed up in some way which makes clear you are the bride, in varying degrees of humiliation (meaning some with a simple gag veil, and some with shirts with Life Savers stuck all over it saying "Bride - $1 a Suck". Ahhh!). You go out to bars and clubs, drinking and whooping it up, collecting free shots from single guys on your last night of "freedom".


It all sounds such a strange ritual when I list it out this way, but there it is! LOL

 

[samira shuruk]

I don't do bachelor parties (or anyparties of all males) for the reasons listed above. Safety, propriety, not what they're looking for, image etc.

I've done bridal showers, baby showers and bachelorette parties. Those often involve teaching- so at the bachelorette parties I make sure I'm there within an hour or so of it starting- so they haven't had too much to drink yet.

Tribal dancer- I've never heard the "repeat the gift receiving statements as things she'd say on her wedding night". THAT is SO cute!

 

[Amulya]

What I don't like about it is that it is all just crazy and they of course they make all nasty comments on how the bride can show her belly dancing to her new husband etc etc. And if you do try to educate them (which you better don't try too much) it doesn't really work. I must say for Dutch people it does a bit, but for the Aussie women no. The Dutch have different hens parties, often going on for a whole day or even weekend. And they do lots of activities and are more serious.

 

[PhysicsFairy]

I really dislike the term 'bachelorette'. Something about it just irks me. I thought 'spinster' was meant to be the equivalent to a bachelor?

I call it a Hen's night too. I think having a mini bellydance workshop at a hen's night is great fun. My teacher, who performs, has told us about some she's danced at and usually comes back with stories and mentions that nearly everyone has a lot of fun.

 

[MirahAmmal]

LOL Well, the preference for hens party vs. bachellorette may depend a lot on where you are/where you come from. I don't mind the term bachellorette, but man, I don't know if I'd like being termed a "hen". Here people use the term "hen-pecked" to mean a guy who is constantly harrangued, nagged, and kept low by his wife/significant other. Hen party makes me think of that. ;-)

But then again, from some of the posts above, it sounds like the UK ladies have much wilder parties than we do here! Though there are bachelorette parties here that have (as another dancer described) the cheesey t-shirts, male strippers, chintzy faux-veils, and sexual themes, most of the bachelorette parties I've been to (as a guest or as a performer) have been...well, more low key. Sometimes the women go out dancing, sometimes they get together at someone's house and just have a fun night, goofing around, laughing and, er, talking as women do (in the ways men wish we didn't, if you get what I mean.) There's usually some amount of alcohol, but people don't usually get *totally* blotto, and these days, many bachelorette parties eschew the bridal fluff on the head/etc. Of course...most of the brides I encounter are at least in their late 20s...maybe by the time you're a little older your friends are less likely to want to embarass you because they've had more time to learn such actions have consequences and they know that you WILL get them back...and worse.

 

[starrbursts]

I agree. I don't like the term Hens' Night. Nor do I really like Bachelorette night. I kinda like Ladies' Night. lol

 

[Freya]

In Norwegian we have a perfectly gender neutral term for this activity. It's called "utdrikkningslag" which literaly translates into "drinking out [the bride-/groom-to-be] in good company." In practice in translates into "drinking ourselves, and especially the bride-/groom-to-be, under the table, with high spirits and lots of them!"

 

[Sha-ri]

I did a bachelor party once but it was in in a restaurant so no coterie and the guy himself was pretty shy. Pretty much comparable to any bellygram at a birthday party. In fact I had bellygrams with mixed-gender audience which were worse.

But I have to say I check very carefully what someone expects from me who wants to book me for a batchelor party. I had lots of requests about that and this one case was the only time I accepted as I felt it would be save to do.
If someone seems to have the wrong ideas about bellydancing, I tell them I will bring my husband with me, I won't take of any cloth as I'm no stripper, I may pull someone up for dancing but there is no touching me and I won't do anything else than my bellydance show, I come, dance and leave again.
Usually they get it that I'm not quite what they were looking for.

I agree you can't educate someone about oriental dance at a bachelor party, they just want something entertaining and sexy. But it's the same with most bellygrams on birthday parties.