A womans worst enemy

[gisela]

@gisela: I was in a abusive relationship, I had several girls call me stupid to my face and weak. Strangely enough those girls only talked afterwards, not while I was still with the bastard. Same goes for most of the girls in my supportgroup at that time, they had the same experience. Ofcourse there are women who did help me, luckily, but the fact that those girls started....well thats what I mean with the initial statement.

I am very, very sorry for that. I think you must be very strong and not weak at all, to go through something like that and come out of it afterwards. I am glad to hear that there were helpful women around you also. I see why you have your point of view too and in all, of course I agree that we should be supportive of each other. My experience is that guys bullied me everyday for nine years and if it hadn't been for the girls around me I would be much more of a mental wreck than I am now. I guess that is why I am somewhat "protective" of girls being judged as worse than men.

 

[Greek Bonfire]

Yes it is true some guys do love BBW"S! And they should -they are beautiful.

I have been both in my life the stick figure and while not a plus size, being a size 14 I do see the difference in the way i am treated. At a size 14 you are more invisible, no one tries to check you out/ or judge you, which was uncomfortable when it used to happen all the time in thinner times. I do not love my weight now but I do love my self and feel comfotable in my skin.

Thin: people stare all the time, weird guys want your phone number at clubs, girls are quite mean. My friends were always guys, gay and straight,& older women who had lived a little. Girls my own age were meaner then also. It never bothered me though, an ugly heart shines just as bright as an ugly face; their bitterness at their lack of good looks was more repulsive than their averageness.. The movie Cinderella always made me feel better.

Shakti, I have too! And yet, no matter what size I was, I was still ME!

When I was mentioning the Big Beautiful Women meetup, I was saying that big women are beautiful too, and many people think so as well. Unfortunately, many big women don't like themselves big so they decide to hate smaller women instead without getting to know them. I would be the first to agree that many thin gorgeous women are really nasty people but there are also a lot of very nice thin gorgeous women as well.

Nejmeh, I know what you mean about those kinds of women. Many times they outgrow it but in my own experience many times they don't. You really do need to stand back for awhile until you get to know people.

Farasha, I agree with you. Many times I've met people who looked "rebellious" (including myself) and they were really nice people. Oftentimes as well, the "clean cut" people were about the nastiest people around. But again, as you said, you can't judge a book by its cover.

Rania and Gisela, like Shakti said before, I have been both sizes. I was shunned by kids because I was too "ugly" and then at other times for being too "pretty." HOW SHALLOW IS THAT??????????????????? I am no beauty queen, but sometimes there is no winning at all. Then again, with these people, I don't even care. But it never fails to hurt my feelings initially until I can put it in its proper perspective.

 

[Farasha Hanem]

Shakti, I have too! And yet, no matter what size I was, I was still ME!

When I was mentioning the Big Beautiful Women meetup, I was saying that big women are beautiful too, and many people think so as well. Unfortunately, many big women don't like themselves big so they decide to hate smaller women instead without getting to know them. I would be the first to agree that many thin gorgeous women are really nasty people but there are also a lot of very nice thin gorgeous women as well.

Nejmeh, I know what you mean about those kinds of women. Many times they outgrow it but in my own experience many times they don't. You really do need to stand back for awhile until you get to know people.

Farasha, I agree with you. Many times I've met people who looked "rebellious" (including myself) and they were really nice people. Oftentimes as well, the "clean cut" people were about the nastiest people around. But again, as you said, you can't judge a book by its cover.

Rania and Gisela, like Shakti said before, I have been both sizes. I was shunned by kids because I was too "ugly" and then at other times for being too "pretty." HOW SHALLOW IS THAT??????????????????? I am no beauty queen, but sometimes there is no winning at all. Then again, with these people, I don't even care. But it never fails to hurt my feelings initially until I can put it in its proper perspective.

Being judged does hurt. It hurts when it comes from a total stranger, because they're assuming things about you when they don't know you at all, and it hurts when it comes from someone we care about, because they of all people ought to know better. Having seen you FB profile pic, though, it's hard for me to imagine anyone ever calling you ugly. You're a lovely lady, Bonfire.

 

[Greek Bonfire]

Being judged does hurt. It hurts when it comes from a total stranger, because they're assuming things about you when they don't know you at all, and it hurts when it comes from someone we care about, because they of all people ought to know better. Having seen you FB profile pic, though, it's hard for me to imagine anyone ever calling you ugly. You're a lovely lady, Bonfire.

:clap::clap: BIG, BIG HUGS TO YOU FARASHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :yay::yay:

 

[Nejmeh]

I am very, very sorry for that. I think you must be very strong and not weak at all, to go through something like that and come out of it afterwards. I am glad to hear that there were helpful women around you also. I see why you have your point of view too and in all, of course I agree that we should be supportive of each other. My experience is that guys bullied me everyday for nine years and if it hadn't been for the girls around me I would be much more of a mental wreck than I am now. I guess that is why I am somewhat "protective" of girls being judged as worse than men.

I am happy to see that your girls stood by you and acted like 'real women', also encouriging for me. And, I do have to say, my mom stood by me with everything and my grandmother also took great risks for my sake, so...well I guess I should look on the bright side a bit more:/
I understand your position but let me be very clear about this, I could fill one whole topic/book on my own with why men are worse then women! I complimented my best friend many times for having better taste then me and being way smarter then me as she is a lesbian! trust me, I don`t think that highly on men, to put it lightly

 

[Nejmeh]

Shakti, I have too! And yet, no matter what size I was, I was still ME!

Nejmeh, I know what you mean about those kinds of women. Many times they outgrow it but in my own experience many times they don't. You really do need to stand back for awhile until you get to know people.

Farasha, I agree with you. Many times I've met people who looked "rebellious" (including myself) and they were really nice people. Oftentimes as well, the "clean cut" people were about the nastiest people around. But again, as you said, you can't judge a book by its cover.

Rania and Gisela, like Shakti said before, I have been both sizes. I was shunned by kids because I was too "ugly" and then at other times for being too "pretty." HOW SHALLOW IS THAT??????????????????? I am no beauty queen, but sometimes there is no winning at all. Then again, with these people, I don't even care. But it never fails to hurt my feelings initially until I can put it in its proper perspective.

Also with the being both sizes, from being the fattest girl in class untill being able to play piano on my ribs. One time you get asked if you should really eat that cake and the other why you don`t want a second piece*sigh*

I agree with the rebelious people part, they can be the most interesting and honest people!

 

[Belly Love]

Also with the being both sizes, from being the fattest girl in class untill being able to play piano on my ribs. One time you get asked if you should really eat that cake and the other why you don`t want a second piece*sigh*

I agree with the rebelious people part, they can be the most interesting and honest people!

I've been at both ends too... why do some people feel the need to give advice on your eating if they think your too thin/fat even if you don't talk about it???

 

[Amulya]

Kind of related to this topic:

 

[Shanazel]

That would be funny if it wasn't so not funny.

Let's hear it for Mulan, who was based on a real woman. :clap:

 

[Nejmeh]

Love those!!:clap:

 

[walladah]

Me too!

I love the pictures and i would also like to add the point that those "ladies" have been the models imposed on us the last 80 years...

Do you see their body or face type? it is impossible! just copied from second-rate adult cartoons...

As if the cartoon industry had no local (native American) or multicultural (from the newcomers originating all over the world) tales about brave women to copy from. But of course, those women were "real", usually not princesses at all and actually far from cartoon-beautiful or submissive in any way...

Thank you Amulya!

 

[Greek Bonfire]

That would be funny if it wasn't so not funny.

Let's hear it for Mulan, who was based on a real woman. :clap:

Yes, and Disney finally got it right!

 

[Shanazel]

I love the pictures and i would also like to add the point that those "ladies" have been the models imposed on us the last 80 years...

Do you see their body or face type? it is impossible! just copied from second-rate adult cartoons...

As if the cartoon industry had no local (native American) or multicultural (from the newcomers originating all over the world) tales about brave women to copy from. But of course, those women were "real", usually not princesses at all and actually far from cartoon-beautiful or submissive in any way...

Thank you Amulya!

Well, there was Pocahontas and Jasmine, one a chief's daughter and one a middle eastern princess, both just as unreal and dolled up as the European varieties. Equal opportunity unreality!

 

[AndreaSTL]

Warning - generalizations ahead!

I have to agree with the OP. Throughout my life I've had more male friends than female. Women will be friendly to you but talk terribly behind your back. Men will tell you to quit being a b!tch and it's done. It's the deceit I can't stand.

You've been successful in your business? Good for you! I have no need to undercut or attempt to take jobs from you. It doesn't make me better, and the whole community suffers because of it. If anything, I should elevate myself and step up to the competition rather than trying to drag it down.

I hate to oversimplify, but Rodney King had it right: can't we all just get along? I just don't understand why, as humans, we can't celebrate the differences rather than shun because of them. Not all people are good and nice, but I don't see any value to judge based on being artistic, geeky, racially different, etc. Trust me, I am far from sainthood and don't think I'm perfect, but sometimes I put on my rose-colored glasses and dream of Sisterhood.

 

[Shanazel]

Maybe you're just hanging out with the wrong sisters.

 

[Aniseteph]

Yeurghhh, just overdosed on nauseating massed Disney Princesses.

If we are talking unrealistic cartoon faces and bodies, Jessica Rabbit totally kicks their sorry behinds.

 

[AndreaSTL]

Maybe you're just hanging out with the wrong sisters.

In my community there are two other studios I trust. We can freely share information without worrying that the other will use it against us at some later date. I just wish it were that way in all aspects of life. See, I told you I had on special glasses.

Aniseteph, you know she's not bad she's just drawn that way, right?

 

[Rania]

Back in grade 9, one of my best friend's sister said I was "ugly". Now I don't believe anyone who tells me I'm "attractive" or "cute". I guess I'm insecure? I have to tell myself that I'm very pretty at times to gain confidence.

Well some people are fishing for compliments when they act insecure, yet others like you just had trama and low self esteem so you look for confidence. I have been in and out of the low self esteem boat. sometimes I find it hard to compliment myself, however Im trying hard to feel better. I was telling someone I hope my nose job looks good, and some girls acually got angry with me for talking about it

 

[Corylus]

You know what I think?! Us woman, should stick together, not judge, look down on or be jealous of each other. Woman need to be each others best freind, help one another, tell each other they are beautiful and be supportive. Therefore, we can help woman in abusive situations, and/or woman who feel bad about them selves.

I know many girls, do support each other, and lend a helping hand,

but any catty girls out there need to learn to be nice, because it destroys womans repution and sisterhood that could have existed.

I totally agree Rania. There are so many friends to be made with a shared love of dancing. I don't get involved in catty-ness.

Do any of you think it is hard not to get dragged into the b**chyness sometimes? By this I mean, I think I am a nice person (I definitely strive to be) and try not to ever judge or be jealous. However, I concentrate hard in class most of the time and can be quite quiet. I think on occasion that a couple people have mistaken this for being unfriendly. I think it is hard to please everyone all the time and sometimes people misinterpret each other which leads to bad feelings.

If someone is quiet with me I give them the benefit of the doubt and think 'ok, maybe she/he had a bad day' or 'maybe she/he isn't much of a talker'. Sometimes I think people's insecurities make them feel that someone doesn't like them or is being b**chy and they actually aren't!

I don't know how to overcome that really; just try to be a nice person and not encourage any bad feeling and be friendly to others I guess!

 

[Greek Bonfire]

I totally agree Rania. There are so many friends to be made with a shared love of dancing. I don't get involved in catty-ness.

Do any of you think it is hard not to get dragged into the b**chyness sometimes? By this I mean, I think I am a nice person (I definitely strive to be) and try not to ever judge or be jealous. However, I concentrate hard in class most of the time and can be quite quiet. I think on occasion that a couple people have mistaken this for being unfriendly. I think it is hard to please everyone all the time and sometimes people misinterpret each other which leads to bad feelings.

If someone is quiet with me I give them the benefit of the doubt and think 'ok, maybe she/he had a bad day' or 'maybe she/he isn't much of a talker'. Sometimes I think people's insecurities make them feel that someone doesn't like them or is being b**chy and they actually aren't!

I don't know how to overcome that really; just try to be a nice person and not encourage any bad feeling and be friendly to others I guess!

We must be sisters under the skin! I have always had some problem with shyness but it has been taken as conceit when inside I'm absolutely petrified. Plus I agree on bitchiness - it's easy to get swept into it if you really have a desire to belong. But what gets me is what is so wrong about telling someone they dance well, or their costume is beautiful, or their makeup is great, their choice of song is lovely? I think it's a "herd" mentality and some people must think they will lose some of their own essence if they give away a little bit of love.