Did I over-react? and THANK YOU TO ALL WHO SHARED!

[BellyDance Girl]

After a few days of conversation and therapy, I dare say that I may have over-reacted, and didn't give my boyfriend much room or choice after I had the pre-conceived notion that he wasn't going to like my dance. Because of my past, I know and have realized that I can be very guarded and judgmental at times. Perhaps this is one of those times. The first part of the details are posted on my blog. I will continue on my blog after I do some personal stuff for work ...

a big THANK YOU to all who have replied to my last forum topic in 'Other Dance Stuff" - 'Embarrassed as well as angry. I gained much insight from all of you, and would welcome any opinions/advice you may have, the more honest the better. After reading my background and reason for sudden assumptions, please let me know if you think I'm just kidding myself and making excuses ... or if I'm gaining some growth or insight. Because of a horrific event that happened with a former 'boyfriend,' it is possible that I assume things that are unfounded, or have occurred with him, or do I now have a more acute insight in detecting who is good for me?

 

[kiewiet]

Bellydance Girl, I am glad to see you are in a better place now. It sounds as if this whole experience has been a way of learning about yourself as well as your BF.
I think many women have issues about this type of situation and believe me they don't just go away by themselves.(experience talking there again) All I can say is I have learnt all relationships have their ups and downs but they keep on changing. What bugs you today may not bug you tomorrow

In fact I was astounded that on our 20th anniversary this weekend,when my DH realised he had forgotten again (his father phoned to congratulate us!!) I could truly say that it is not the single date he forgets that matters, but the many days he returns home and the years together that are important to me. And I realised I truly meant it! I guess I have grown up a bit in that way -for me at least Oner thing is sure, no matter how mad or sad ór glad he makes me, Id rather be mad, sad or glad at him, than at anyone else!
Good luck Girl.

 

[Moon]

Bellydance girl, I think you're very brave and I'm happy to read you got some insight in both yourself, your boyfriend and the situation.
Maybe you did over-react that night. I think you and your boyfriend both had certain expectations. When I read what you wrote about him asking if you had fun in class, waiting for the moment you would dance for him and wanting to buy that costume for you, I think he expected you to dance for him when he would feel ready for it too, in the costume he bought for you. Not in completely different clothes right after he was busy with his work. I think he knew you expected him to like your dance, and he did like it, but his mind was maybe also still with his work so he couldn't fully enjoy it the way you would have liked him to enjoy it.
I think he really likes you, but maybe you are insecure about yourself. Like you said, when you look at a random guy you might think "oh he's good looking" and the next moment you forget about him and you still love your boyfriend, but when he does the same thing to a random woman, you think he might like her better than you. I've had the same problem for a while because I'm insecure about myself and I found it hard to believe a man would really find me attractive, no mather how often my boyfriend told me so. Now I'm finally believing him :lol:
To me, it looks like your boyfriend does like you, Bellydance girl. There might be some things about him you don't like but hey, no-one is perfect (a perfect guy would be very annoying!)
I hope you will have a second chance to have a wonderful, romantic night together.

 

[BellyDance Girl]

Thank you Kiewiet and Moon. Yes, we all have our female insecurities, don't we. I definitely have mine, partially due to a very bad boyfriend long ago. Unfortunately, my current one now is the first since the bad one, so I'm over-analilizing everything and overly suspicious.