Etiquette question

[da Sage]

So my friend and I are going to a science fiction convention. We are renting a room, and would like to split it four ways to save money. We're both women, and I originally planned to have an all-female room. Her friends would like to room with us, they are a M/F couple. I don't know them (maybe I do by sight, but I don't know that I do-we're setting it up by email).

Anyway, I shot the woman an email saying that that I was originally planning an all-woman room, but my bud says they're cool, so I'm OK with sharing with her and her BF/hubby/whatever. I let them know that we are both likely to store a lot of stuff in the room (costumes, drums), and that the room is to be used for changing, sleeping, and relaxing...that I'm not comfortable with partying or "discreet" sex in the middle of the night (I had a college roommate who thought she could get it on without waking me up. She was so wrong). Anyway, I just wanted to get all my "issues" out in the open. I haven't heard back from them yet.

So, whaddaya think...was I out of line to mention these things? Am I just a big square or a control freak? I just want to have a nice place to crash and stash my stuff, and I thought it would be better to talk about expectations first, instead of just hoping it'll all turn out the way I want it to.

 

[karena]

Nah sounds good to me. I wouldn't like those things either, and I think it's good to be confident and open enough to say. Of course people take offence at anything it they choose, but that's their choice.

 

[da Sage]

I think you're right. They may be offended that I brought them up, but I'd rather not share if it is going to be awkward. I've learned the hard way that you can't assume other people have the same ideas about shared space.

 

[Safran]

I think it is completely ok. It is always better to settle the rules beforehand than start solving issues as they come along.

 

[Kharmine]

If people knew what good manners and consideration for others really was you wouldn't have to bring it up, but as you really don't know this couple you shouldn't just give 'em the benefit of the doubt.

I backed out of going to an Arabic music retreat I was really looking forward to because I didn't know who my roommate would be, and was told I couldn't change if I found out too late that she snored or was otherwise unpleasant to be around.

These things are important to enjoying your experience. Don't let anyone try to guilt-trip you into thinking you're the one with a problem.

 

[Harry]

Being Irish, I believe in Murphy's Law... I'm fairly liberal, but given the possibility that something could go really awry in that situation, I think I would let my feelings be known, right from the beginning.

 

[Kashmir]

So, whaddaya think...was I out of line to mention these things? Am I just a big square or a control freak? I just want to have a nice place to crash and stash my stuff, and I thought it would be better to talk about expectations first, instead of just hoping it'll all turn out the way I want it to.

If that is your bottom line best to state it upfront than have an unpleasant scene.

 

[da Sage]

If that is your bottom line best to state it upfront than have an unpleasant scene.

Annnnnd they have still not gotten back to me.

It's not as if I asked them not to trash the room or steal my stuff...THAT would be rude. Some people would really be unhappy if they were sleeping with their SO , but couldn't have "sexy time" for three days. Other people really wouldn't care. All I know is that I hate being woken up by it, and then having to listen and wonder how long until they are finished. And when I come back to my room after 7 hours of partying, I don't want to wonder when the impromptu party in MY room is going to be over.

 

[Kharmine]

Did you set a deadline for their response? They may need a nudge. Considering you're the one arranging things; it's only reasonable to get back to you ASAP.

 

[nightdancer]

Does the other party involved know that you sent the email? Maybe check with her and see if she's heard anything?

 

[da Sage]

Did you set a deadline for their response? They may need a nudge. Considering you're the one arranging things; it's only reasonable to get back to you ASAP.

I'm going to give them a couple more days, then check with my friend, and then ask them to let me know within 3 days.

They might very well be trying to set something up that will work better for them, but I need to finalize my arrangements before the convention, too.:think:

 

[da Sage]

For those of you waiting with bated breath for an update...the couple bailed out, due to financial issues. So we combined with a friend whose planned roommates also had to cancel because of money. We are still looking for a 4th roommate, wish us luck!

 

[karena]

Thanks for the update. Sometimes it is like a soap opera. Hope you find someone.