I just realised I am Gay and I want to belly dance

~Diana~

AFK Moderator
First I got a lot of gay and lesbian friends and know what it is like for them and the challenges they face to live at home without telling their parents.

Being male and wanting to bellydance is not a negative thing, there are actually lots of male dancers but you ususaly don't see them around since the bellydance world is so full of females dancers. Also depending on where you live and your culture I can see how it would not be acceptable in some places.

I wish I could give you some advise that you are looking for but I am neither male nor homosexual. However I'm sure there are people on this site who have the knowledge that might help you.

Kudo's for taking a big step and signing up for the forum. I do hope that this works out for you.
 

khanjar

New member
Hello, I've just got registered.

I really need your support and help. I am 20 years old and last year I had the revelation that I'm actually gay. Also, I feel that belly dancing is what I want to do. When I belly dance in my room I feel happy and proud. The problem is that my parents wouldn't tolerate this at all and I'm kinda afraid to tell them. The only person that knows about my orientation is a good female friend of mine. I recently found a belly dance instructor, but I can't tell that either to my parents. So please give my some advices, because I really want ot be a belly dancer and I don't want to live in the shadows about my sexual orientation.
Firstly what has your sexual orientation got to do with your parents, it is in reality none of their business as you say you are twenty, therefore in most countries over the age of consent, you are a private individual with your own life ahead of you. I am not aware of anyone who has felt the need to declare to their parents that they are heterosexual, so why the need with homosexual.People that you feel might not be best pleased with your choice , it is none of their business and need not be told simple as that, they can work it out for themselves and there make their own decisions based upon your maturity as an adult to make your own choices in life. In fact I think this declaration of sexuality to the world at large might even be in a way confrontational and with it, it may even limit ones choices in life to be seen as part of a private club. People should just be themselves and let others have the maturity to sort out the realities of life for themselves as they see it, why confront people when they might not be ready for such revelations, ok for the persons doing the telling they are ready, but what about the persons receiving.

But as far as belly dance, if you want to do it, do it after all it is about artistic expression not about sexuality, although I do understand that does come into it sometimes as sexuality is about creativity and creativity like sexuality is sexless, it just is what it is, artistic expression.

Just for the record of the male dancers whom I have personally met, none have felt the need to tell me their sexuality and as far as I am concerned none have come across as homosexual, or is it I just take people for who they are and don't even think which way they lean because I am not attracted to the person sexually, I don't see people as sex objects I want to conquer, I am attracted to the person as a person, nothing more and if a dancer, then as a dancer.

My sexuality is as I think, none of anyone's business, especially so in what I do, belly dance, although I am aware there are some that speculate, which is fine, they can speculate but I am not telling anyone, they can just wonder as they do with everyone else who appears not to fit into one of the societal moulds, why should I spoil their fun, anyway, keeping people guessing is part of my fun.

But this apparent need to fit into a sexual group, why, what purpose does it serve, why not just be ourselves and leave ourselves open to whatever experiences come our way, as I am aware what people say they are and what they might later become might be something completely different, we never know what the future holds, but be in a position to embrace it
 
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Mosaic

Super Moderator
I tend to agree with Khanjar, your sexuality is no concern of others or anyone here for that matter. If you want to learn to bellydance, do so for the love of the dance. Most male bellydancers I know of are not gay, and it has no bearing on the dance either way anyway. If you have your own funds to pay for lessons just go and do it.
~Mosaic
 

Remus

New member
I am going to take lessons, no doubt about it. I've discussed with my boyfriend about the issue and we are going to move to an appartment this year. He loves it when I belly dance to him
 

~Diana~

AFK Moderator
I am going to take lessons, no doubt about it. I've discussed with my boyfriend about the issue and we are going to move to an appartment this year. He loves it when I belly dance to him
Kudos. You are now of the age that your parents really don't have much control over what you think or want to do anymore. However I have personally seen the stress that one goes under when families don't approve, dance or orientation. It all depends on how strong you are mentally to go for and do what you really want to do.
 

lizaj

New member
Firstly what has your sexual orientation got to do with your parents, it is in reality none of their business as you say you are twenty, therefore in most countries over the age of consent, you are a private individual with your own life ahead of you. I am not aware of anyone who has felt the need to declare to their parents that they are heterosexual, so why the need with homosexual KHanjar


I'm sorry but it has to do with parents. You bring up a child and you don't stop caring about them because they are adults . An individual' s sexuality is not something one has a choice about although different countries and cultures often have attitudes which create an a siuation where gay men and lesbians have to either go underground or sublimate their true nature.
I have gay and lesbian friends and some parents have accepted that their lifestyle choices are their own to make and some choose to "disown" their children. This I do not understand personally. Your child is your child and you do not own them nor have the right to force them on any path but they are still your business.
Unless my sons were heinous criminals or monsters, I will support any lifestyle choices they make. Their sexuality is of no worry to me, their safety and wellbeing is.

Remus, if you know for sure you are gay , it sounds like you will get support from friends. You may also know your parents will not be easy about your sexuality nor your community so it's never going to be easy but Khanjar is right you cannot deny something like your sexuality. Please be assured that many parents accept readily. However only you know your situation regarding your family and society and how to proceed.
Have joy in your dance, work hard at it and think of yourself as a belly dancer not necessarily a male, a gay...just a dancer. Welcome to the community.
 

Remus

New member
Firstly what has your sexual orientation got to do with your parents, it is in reality none of their business as you say you are twenty, therefore in most countries over the age of consent, you are a private individual with your own life ahead of you. I am not aware of anyone who has felt the need to declare to their parents that they are heterosexual, so why the need with homosexual KHanjar


I'm sorry but it has to do with parents. You bring up a child and you don't stop caring about them because they are adults . An individual' s sexuality is not something one has a choice about although different countries and cultures often have attitudes which create an a siuation where gay men and lesbians have to either go underground or sublimate their true nature.
I have gay and lesbian friends and some parents have accepted that their lifestyle choices are their own to make and some choose to "disown" their children. This I do not understand personally. Your child is your child and you do not own them nor have the right to force them on any path but they are still your business.
Unless my sons were heinous criminals or monsters, I will support any lifestyle choices they make. Their sexuality is of no worry to me, their safety and wellbeing is.

Remus, if you know for sure you are gay , it sounds like you will get support from friends. You may also know your parents will not be easy about your sexuality nor your community so it's never going to be easy but Khanjar is right you cannot deny something like your sexuality. Please be assured that many parents accept readily. However only you know your situation regarding your family and society and how to proceed.
Have joy in your dance, work hard at it and think of yourself as a belly dancer not necessarily a male, a gay...just a dancer. Welcome to the community.
This means a lot for me. My sweet boyfriend is very supportive of me and I feel very lucky to have him. He will do whatever he can to make me happy and loved. And don't worry, I will become a good belly dancer
 

SidraK

New member
But this apparent need to fit into a sexual group, why, what purpose does it serve
Well, it does make dating a bit easier! :lol:

Coming out to friends and family can also be a valuable part of the process of self-acceptance as well. Good luck, Remus. And happy shimmying!
 

maria_harlequin

New member
I agree with you lizaj - just because you're over 18 and an "adult" doesn't magically separate you from your parents where your choices don't affect them in a way that will affect you - especially in cultures where family ties are stronger and parental influence goes on for years and years into adulthood (my mom's 8 brothers and sisters all had arranged marriages and her decision to marry a foreigner didn't fly very well with her parents...and she was 32 at the time). And if your parents decide to reject you or disown you because you're gay or lesbian when you otherwise have an amazing relationship with them...well, it can be heartbreaking.

Good luck! Glad you found belly dancing! :D
 

onela

New member
Firstly what has your sexual orientation got to do with your parents,
It has plenty to do with it if you live at home, or you're still financially dependent on them and/or would still like for them to be a part of your life, even if they are potentially disapproving of homosexuality (though I am unclear if any of these factors are the case for Remus). It would be nice if we lived in a world where people wouldn't disown their (underage or adult) kids for being GLBT or Q. We do not live in a world that is safe for all gay people to be out.

I have no advice for you Remus but good luck and keep dancing. I'll be thinking of you while marching in my city's pride parade next weekend with my band mates!
 

Remus

New member
It has plenty to do with it if you live at home, or you're still financially dependent on them and/or would still like for them to be a part of your life, even if they are potentially disapproving of homosexuality (though I am unclear if any of these factors are the case for Remus). It would be nice if we lived in a world where people wouldn't disown their (underage or adult) kids for being GLBT or Q. We do not live in a world that is safe for all gay people to be out.

I have no advice for you Remus but good luck and keep dancing. I'll be thinking of you while marching in my city's pride parade next weekend with my band mates!
I can't thank you enough onela. You've made me feel better. I wish I could hug you. I actually live with my mom and dad and I still depend on them. I can't wait to move with my man in that appartement together. Once again, you gave me more hope and you brought a tear of happiness in me. I hope we can exchange e-mail adresses
 

onela

New member
Hugs Remus! <3 Stay tough and keep shimmying! FWIW Dan Savage, sex advice columnist who writes "Savage Love" and also does a podcast called "Savage Lovecast" sometimes takes letters/calls from people in similar situations (your age group and predicament) and you might find it helpful.
 

nightdancer

New member
The only bearing that your sexuality would have, imho, is that I'd be okay with asking you to pin me into my costume. Other than that, zip, nada. If you want to dance, you go dance. One of the things that may smooth over your parents is to include some of your cultural dances, and ease over into the bellydance.

In my experiences of making controversial decisions, the less big a deal you make out of something, the less likely others are to go overboard.
 
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Remus

New member
My friends, don't worry. Me and my boyfriend are very close. He loves me way to much. Once he will ask me to marry him, there will be nothing that my parents can do. He is older than me and he will explain them. He is going to fight for me. After all he is my prince and knight in shining armour. Love conquers all in the end.
 
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