Inspiration for accepting yourself

AndreaSTL

New member
I struggle with accepting my physical self, and usually when I hear or read something about being OK with who you are I'm cynical. I rationalize because they're young/thin/fit etc. The photos and descriptions are self submitted, and it's interesting how the things we consider flaws may not even be apparent to other people. Self acceptance is definitely a work in progress for me, but this sort of thing helps. I?m Awesome and So Are You | Go Kaleo
 

Mosaic

Super Moderator
We all have flaws, perceived & real - Maybe by posting their flaws it gives them an extra boost to begin liking themselves, it could rebound as well seeing themselves out there on the internet with "all their flaws", causing them to become even more down on themselves. What would happen if someone posted I have fabulous this & that & perfect figure & I'm awesome. Would they be accepted or perceived as vain or full of it & "crashing the party to show off"... I wonder.

Still the concept is pretty good & may help others to be more accepting:) I don't think it helped me, I am one of those who has been struggling to accept my aging self, extra weight, skin changes, thinning hair, wrinkles, flab here & there, arthritis & so forth - all I can think of is "aging sucks" BIG time & whoever said we should grow old gracefully was a total screw loose & it's time some genius scientist came up with an anti aging pill, I'd take 3 thank you very much:)
~Mosaic
 

AndreaSTL

New member
Getting old isn't for sissies, that's for sure!

What I liked about this was that these ladies sent their own pics in listing their own flaws. They don't care about having bellies, stretch marks, and thick thighs. In spite of not fitting the media's definition of beauty they are pretty OK with themselves. I aspire to be happy in my own skin.

If someone posted themselves and noted that their hair was perfect, boobs were perfect, they have a genius IQ - yeah, I'd be rolling my eyes and thinking "Get over yourself." It's one thing to accept yourself but quite another to feel like you're a gift to the gene pool.
 

Mosaic

Super Moderator
I do agree, the ladies are pretty cool about their flaws. Mind you I'd love to say to myself hell I'm perfect & mean it- but even if I do try to kid myself & say I am, the little devil on my shoulder keeps whispering "who do you think you're kidding" LOL! But overall I am OK with who I am, sure I'd like all the perfect bits & pieces, but that ain't going to happen, so I just have be content that so far everything works although the knees groan if I squat down, & the back kills me if I do heavy lifting or scrub floors on hands & knees, & I have natural grey streaks in my hair, no artificial blonde ones these days:) - Even though I have been forced to accept myself whether I like it or not, I still have those moments of "I wish" :)
~Mosaic
 

Amulya

Moderator
It's really sad that there seems to be a culture amongst woman to complain about their looks when they are in groups. It is like some sort bonding ritual, where everybody starts talking about their flaws or about being on diet and if someone doesn't join in they don't really belong to the group. It's a horrible thing. Why not bond in a positive way? Lucky my friends don't do this, but I encountered this in past groups of friends and I always found it very negative. It doesn't help people getting a good self esteem I think. I don't know where this kind of habit came from, if women have always done it or if it's a newer thing. If its just a western cultural thing or is it world wide.
 

khanjar

New member
It's really sad that there seems to be a culture amongst woman to complain about their looks when they are in groups. It is like some sort bonding ritual, where everybody starts talking about their flaws or about being on diet and if someone doesn't join in they don't really belong to the group. It's a horrible thing. Why not bond in a positive way? Lucky my friends don't do this, but I encountered this in past groups of friends and I always found it very negative. It doesn't help people getting a good self esteem I think. I don't know where this kind of habit came from, if women have always done it or if it's a newer thing. If its just a western cultural thing or is it world wide.

It has come from centuries of something called in art circles; the male gaze where women have been trained to understand everything is about their looks in society, women must be fastidious with their appearance or they are considered any number of derogatory things so the onus to tow patriarchal society's line is an essential one. But now we live in a different society where the media controls our thought, word and deed and so it presents it's ideal which is an industry, it makes money from selling us what attractive is where we have to comply as what would people say if we didn't, we would be out of polite society through being unfashionable.

Now I am not a woman, so I don't know, but my feeling is what is happening with women grouping together and tearing holes in their looks is pure rebellion, rebellion against what is and what has always been as women's roles in society have changed for women can do any job a man can do so juggling this living reality with ancient concepts of beauty isn't working and probably never did, but women are more aware now of the torture they are put through regards their looks where some, the more confident perhaps are deciding sod it, I am what I am and it is the confident that are influencing the less so, where undoubtedly there will be some yet to come across the confident to be educated in the reality that the fashion industry via the media and it's ancient motivator, the male gaze is just fantasy and a fantasy best laughed at as it's not real.

And so we now have the metrosexual male and males are starting to understand what females have been put through, where there are females now commenting on what is the ideal looking male where not all males are coming up to scratch because well nature has it males are attracted to females so what a male looks like is not that important, what is, is a number of things depending on the suitor as the maternal instinct has been turned off with many as they seek different things in life.

And yes, I have been in a group of males where the males have torn holes in their appearance, but then the males I commune with are modern males.
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
gativity

I have to agree with Amulya: defiant negativity is still negativity. Also I can't imagine anything much duller than sitting around with a bunch of people itemizing real and imagined physical flaws, except perhaps sitting at the computer listing my personal qualities and quantities and declaring to the cyberworld that I am fine as fuck because of/in spite of them.



As a beauty I'm not a great star,
There are others more handsome by far,
But my face, I don't mind it,
Because I'm behind it--
'Tis the folks in the front that I jar.

;)
 

Darshiva

Moderator
I would just like to state for the record that I think I'm pretty awesome. There are parts of me that aren't as pretty as they used to be, or as up, or as flat or as round as they used to be, but I call that aging and get on with my life.

And I have not seen a single one of you on this website who I don't think also looks pretty awesome. The fat one, the thin ones, the tall ones, the short ones - you are all beautiful and it really pains me to see people being cruel to themselves.

I don't like this website (the linked one!) because of the way these women describe themselves and then justify their looks. I've seen their pictures - they are all beautiful too. Why have such negativity? And why hate on people who do love themselves? It's markedly different from vanity - it's repsect for the one person who's opinion is with you day in, day out, for the rest of your life.

I love my eyes. I used to get mercilessly bullied about them because they are large for my frame, especially when I'm thinner. My eyes are these huge, expressive windows to my soul. Gorgeous, almond-shaped and bright green, they smile for me even if you can't see my mouth.

I love my bottom. It used to be big and round and firm, but now it's softer and I find it perfect for nice juicy shimmies.

I love my arms. They used to be firmer and more muscular, but now they are expressive - especially in regards to displaying my love. My arms are perfect for hugging.

I love my legs. They're quite long for my height and they used to be thinner, but now they are dancers legs, full of power hidden by thighs that brush lovingly against each other when I walk.

I love my belly. It was never flat, but it's now softer than it once was. It does the most amazing bellyrolls ever, and the juiciest jewels and figure eights.

I love my hair. The silver is coming in now, taking it from the gorgeous coppery caramel into a twinkling delight.

I love everything about my body - the softness, the hardness, the wrinkles and cellulite - they all bring texture and colour to ME!
 

Farasha Hanem

New member
I would just like to state for the record that I think I'm pretty awesome. There are parts of me that aren't as pretty as they used to be, or as up, or as flat or as round as they used to be, but I call that aging and get on with my life.

And I have not seen a single one of you on this website who I don't think also looks pretty awesome. The fat one, the thin ones, the tall ones, the short ones - you are all beautiful and it really pains me to see people being cruel to themselves.

I don't like this website (the linked one!) because of the way these women describe themselves and then justify their looks. I've seen their pictures - they are all beautiful too. Why have such negativity? And why hate on people who do love themselves? It's markedly different from vanity - it's repsect for the one person who's opinion is with you day in, day out, for the rest of your life.

I love my eyes. I used to get mercilessly bullied about them because they are large for my frame, especially when I'm thinner. My eyes are these huge, expressive windows to my soul. Gorgeous, almond-shaped and bright green, they smile for me even if you can't see my mouth.

I love my bottom. It used to be big and round and firm, but now it's softer and I find it perfect for nice juicy shimmies.

I love my arms. They used to be firmer and more muscular, but now they are expressive - especially in regards to displaying my love. My arms are perfect for hugging.

I love my legs. They're quite long for my height and they used to be thinner, but now they are dancers legs, full of power hidden by thighs that brush lovingly against each other when I walk.

I love my belly. It was never flat, but it's now softer than it once was. It does the most amazing bellyrolls ever, and the juiciest jewels and figure eights.

I love my hair. The silver is coming in now, taking it from the gorgeous coppery caramel into a twinkling delight.

I love everything about my body - the softness, the hardness, the wrinkles and cellulite - they all bring texture and colour to ME!
o_O Wait..."AGING"??? Where? Where? >.> <.< >.> You can't be much older than my daughter! @___@
 

Darshiva

Moderator
I'm 37. :) Aging happens to all of us - from the moment we are born to the last beat of our hearts, we are aging. Why not rejoice in it?
 

Amulya

Moderator
Khanjar, the type of putting themselves down I meant is not rebelling but complaining. And a form of bonding it seems. I felt always very awkward when people started doing it because I felt it was stupid and I felt it would be weird to complain about my own flaws if there was someone else who had the same thing 'worse' than me. I felt that would be rude towards them (people can interpret things in a strange way, they could think you're mocking them) I had some time in my life where I could have joined in because I was overweight and dieting, but never felt like it. I'm pretty happy about myself, just not about the fact that physically I feel 100 years old (I know someone who is 92 and can do more than me :( )

True men do it too, but I don't think they do it as a bonding thing, or do they?

Beauty standards change all the time too. When I was a kid a 'box gap' (sorry for the rude word, what's the nice equivalent of it?) was considered ugly and now it's apparently a beauty trait. Ribs sticking out was also considered ugly and now people like it.
Recently a friend pointed out a picture in a gossip magazine to me and said she wanted that body, and I was appalled, it was the type of body I had last year when I came out of hospital! I worked hard to change it and gain weight. I can't imagine that being seen as beautiful! I still have the same idea of beauty as I had when I was a teen, and that was different from what is the ideal these days.
 

AndreaSTL

New member
I don't like this website (the linked one!) because of the way these women describe themselves and then justify their looks. I've seen their pictures - they are all beautiful too. Why have such negativity?
...

I love my eyes. I used to get mercilessly bullied about them because they are large for my frame, especially when I'm thinner. My eyes are these huge, expressive windows to my soul. Gorgeous, almond-shaped and bright green, they smile for me even if you can't see my mouth.

I love my bottom. It used to be big and round and firm, but now it's softer and I find it perfect for nice juicy shimmies.

...

I love everything about my body - the softness, the hardness, the wrinkles and cellulite - they all bring texture and colour to ME!
(above snipped for brevity)
But you have just done what you disliked about the linked site! I don't see the site or what you have written as negative. I see both of you stating that you aren't the media's version of conventional beauty but that you don't care. I see both of you accepting who you are regardless of appearance; not caring that you could be thinner/heavier/firmer/etc. I guess it's a matter of perception, but to me you've done the same thing as the women in the link only given detailed descriptions of why you like who you are (not just "I'm awesome as fuck"). I applaud your ability to be comfortable in your own skin! It's something I'm still working on. I guess it's a fine line between self acceptance and vanity. I like people who like themselves, but I roll my eyes at people who love themselves, can't pass a mirror without stopping to admire themselves, etc.

Khanjar, I agree that it's baffling why women will behave like that. It seems like they're fishing for compliments. It's one thing to actually perceive yourself negatively, but it's another to act that way to appear modest.
 

Darshiva

Moderator
I haven't. I have not used derogatory language to describe myself. If you can't see the difference, I feel for you.
 

Darshiva

Moderator
I don't think I did the same thing as the website. I think I did what they probably intended to do. But the big key difference is in the self-descriptive language. My descriptions are positive (this is what I like about myself) and their is negative (these are the things that are wrong with me) and the final statement is positive in both, although I think mine is more skewed towards a healthier self-image because the ones on the website are "I don't care because" things whereas mine is more "These things are awesome". That's where the similarities end, although it was definitely my intention to mirror their format because it had more impact that way rather than if I'd just done the wall of text I'd usually do.

And I do feel for anyone who can't tell the difference between "these are the bad things about me and I don't care" and "you know what? I think that these things are awesome and here's why". It means that we have a long way to go in creating healthy body image.

I didn't mean any disrespect with the abruptness of my reply - I'm just not that even tempered at the moment due to the great glasses debacle.
 

Yame

New member
I know exactly what Darshiva and Shanazel mean. I was a little put off by the language used on the website. The self-descriptions on the photos were *extremely* self-demeaning. Then you see the photos of the women, and they are all quite honestly rather commercially beautiful and few to none of those "flaws" can even be noticed on the photos.

The message that I get from this is that these women are saying "I think I look disgusting but I'm awesome anyway." I can't imagine what message that other women who actually have those same "flaws," but more noticeably, would take away from this. It probably would make them feel even worse about themselves.

Acknowledging our flaws and learning how to live with them... or even appreciate them... is something that can help people on their path towards self-acceptance. So I can see how "listing them off" can be helpful. But if it's done in such a self-demeaning, derogatory way, I think it totally defeats the purpose, and may make the problem worse.

Another way that can help people love themselves more is to just stop focusing on these perceived flaws. So, the opposite, really. Stop scrutinizing yourself in the mirror and focus more on the things that make you happy. Focus on creating art... whether that's painting, dancing, creating music, whatever. Focus on learning new things. Focus on the things you know well, or do well... your career, your smarts, your contributions to the world. Focus on the things your body can do. Focus on the things you've accomplished. Focus on helping others. Donate money to charity. Plant a flower. Rescue an animal. These things enrich our lives so much more than our appearance ever could.

Sure, the world is superficial and sadly more doors are open to you if others perceive you as attractive than otherwise. Don't focus much on that, but if you must, focus on the things you love about yourself rather than what you hate about yourself. Accentuate your positives. Wear things that flatter you and make you feel good. And if whatever you dislike about yourself is something you can change in a way that is healthy, then work to change it, but without hating or punishing yourself for being the way you are.
 
Top