partners and bellydance

Nejmeh

New member
Just wondering which experiences you have with partners and their response to you dancing. Also, has their attitude towards the dance changed over the years?

And then, how do you respond to their response?


My boyfriend sees how much joy it brings me, so he is actually sometimes the one to kick me of my lazy butt and start practising. Performing however is a bit different, he would rather have me performing with a covered up belly and hates it when people take/see pictures or film(while I see that a bit more as an hazard that comes with the dance).
No demands are made, it`s all in the spirit of 'i don`t feel comfortable with it'. So I try to have costumes that aren`t too 'belly-naked'. The film/picture problem however, I haven`t solved yet, performing opportunities only on events where not even a phone is allowed are scarce:think:
 

Amulya

Moderator
We have had many threads before with this topic, with so many different experiences from each dancer.
I had once a boyfriend who hated it that I performed, of course I did it anyway, who was he to tell me not to! LOL (I broke it off very soon after I started performing)
In my opinion it is the choice of the dancer, not the partner, what costume they want to wear. The dancer has to feel comfortable, that's the main importance. Same for if they want to be filmed or not. You indeed have to be careful with that, I agree. But nearly impossible to avoid with mobile phones around. I must say my audience is always respectful that way, they don't do that.
Changing attitude, I have seen that happening to dancers. I don't know why that sometimes occurs.
Although I have a feeling from what I have read over the years that most partners of belly dancers are supportive :)
 

Greek Bonfire

Well-known member
We have had many threads before with this topic, with so many different experiences from each dancer.
I had once a boyfriend who hated it that I performed, of course I did it anyway, who was he to tell me not to! LOL (I broke it off very soon after I started performing)
In my opinion it is the choice of the dancer, not the partner, what costume they want to wear. The dancer has to feel comfortable, that's the main importance. Same for if they want to be filmed or not. You indeed have to be careful with that, I agree. But nearly impossible to avoid with mobile phones around. I must say my audience is always respectful that way, they don't do that.
Changing attitude, I have seen that happening to dancers. I don't know why that sometimes occurs.
Although I have a feeling from what I have read over the years that most partners of belly dancers are supportive :)
It's funny you should say this because some dancers cross over out of the real world, making them very hard to be with, thus losing their partners moreso out of their own diva-ness. But this happens in all walks of life.
 

Amulya

Moderator
Diva behavior, yuk, no one would be able to live with someone who behaves like that.

By changing attitude, I meant the attitude of their partners, but you're right, maybe those dancers might have turned into diva's over time. Or maybe not, could be the partner changed.
 

Imeera

New member
My partner is fine with me dancing. I had self esteem problems when we met and he is has helped me a lot with that, and starting to dance has increased this confidence. So fact he encourages it. I don't think I would ever perform in belly showing costumes, I wouldn't feel comfortable haha, but even if I did I know he wouldn't have a problem with it if I wanted to and would probably come and see my performances too when he could.
 

Shakti

New member
Part of loving someone is accepting their hobbies or career.trying to change someone interests based on personal insecurities is controlling behavior.

Throw around the idea of getting them a doumbek drum and include them!

I have dealt with this,it is not fun.
 
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Farasha Hanem

New member
Part of loving someone is accepting their hobbies or career.trying to change someone interests based on personal insecurities is controlling behavior.

Throw around the idea of getting them a doumbek drum and include them!

I have dealt with this,it is not fun.
Totally agree with everything you've said, Shakti. I have a rather strange problem with the hubby, though. :think: He's uncomfortable with me showing my belly, but not for the usual reason that partners have a problem with it. Hubby is afraid that the audience might find my C-section scar unattractive. Here I had struggled for years about my own self-image, then bellydance helped me learn to love myself, imperfections and all, so just as I begin my own self-growth, Hubby throws that at me. I have no words for this, just the following:

:shok: :confused: :mad: :doh: :wall: :protest: :mad: and finally,
:tongue:

Now I don't have any expectations of becoming a professional (other than perhaps teacher after many years of study), and I know that there are those in the business that would not hire me because of my scar, but come onnnnnn!!! My teacher and classmates have never expressed concern over my scar, in fact, some have shown admiration for my...moxy? Anyway. As long as I have the support of my troupe, I'll bare my scar proudly, because personally, that scar represents life. My beautiful son would have died if I'd tried to deliver him normally, and there was a chance that I might have died, too. My body tells the history of my life, and if anyone has a problem with it, they'll just have to deal. INCLUDING Hubby. :rolleyes:
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
Oh, lord, Farasha! YOU GO, GIRL! :lol: I have so many scars at this point that I have to name them in order to keep track.

My husband and I have been together since 1979 and I was already dancing when he met me, so- no surprises for him that I'm still doing it. Back in my younger and hotter days (the older I get, the better I was :cool:) there were some guys who thought it was cool to date a dancer and one that was jealous and accused me of all sorts of things. Sometimes I felt like none of them saw ME, but just this body that moved through space in pretty costumes. They hung on me whatever personality they thought would suit the body and then were surprised when I didn't react the way they expected me to.

I do not miss that. There are some very good things about getting older.
 

Farasha Hanem

New member
Oh, lord, Farasha! YOU GO, GIRL! :lol: I have so many scars at this point that I have to name them in order to keep track.

My husband and I have been together since 1979 and I was already dancing when he met me, so- no surprises for him that I'm still doing it. Back in my younger and hotter days (the older I get, the better I was :cool:) there were some guys who thought it was cool to date a dancer and one that was jealous and accused me of all sorts of things. Sometimes I felt like none of them saw ME, but just this body that moved through space in pretty costumes. They hung on me whatever personality they thought would suit the body and then were surprised when I didn't react the way they expected me to.

I do not miss that. There are some very good things about getting older.
GAAAAH, getting data base errors! But hopefully, I can give you this virtual cake rep, anyway! ^^
 

teela

New member
My husband has been very supportive of my dancing. In fact, he often will volunteer to help out back stage. If my dancing conflicts with his curling, the curling wins but I support him and watch him play when I can. So it works well.
 

gisela

Super Moderator
My partner is supportive but I take care not to strain his supportiveness too much, by making him sit through 4-hour student recitals. He did it once or twice and I wouldn't want to force him to do it again in quite a while. Sometimes though, I really, really want him to be there and he comes and watches and expresses his proudness of my performance. He knows I love dancing and would not dream of demanding me to stop, but... There are times when he feels that it takes too much time from my other job and that it stops me to become really successful in that area. I can sort of see his point there....:redface:
He plays in several bands and I go to see him play once in a while, but far from always. I am very supportive of him playing though.
 
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Farasha Hanem

New member
My partner is supportive but I take care not to strain his supportiveness too much, by making him sit through 4-hour student recitals. He did it once or twice and I wouldn't want to force him to do it again in quite a while. Sometimes though, I really, really want him to be there and he comes and watches and expresses his proudness of my performance. He knows I love dancing and would not dream of demanding me to stop, but... There are times when he feels that it takes too much time from my other job and that it stops me to become really successful in that area. I can sort of see his point there....:redface:
He plays in several bands and I go to see him play once in a while, but far from always. I am very supportive of him playing though.
LOL, I'm reminded of what one elderly husband said of his dancing wife in the American Bellydancer documentary. He laughed that he did his best to be supportive, but that there were times when it does wear on him! :lol:
 

LadyLoba

New member
I don't have a husband or a boyfriend, but I agree with the statements about trying to change or control someone's hobbies....that is not a good sign in a person. If belly dancing or any other hobby or activity bothers a person that much, then they shouldn't be in a relationship or even a friendship with someone who does it.

Scars...I have to say, I almost never pay scars any mind. I'm not giving one of those "I only notice inner beauty" lines or anything...yes, I notice what people look like and yes, I have opinions as to what is attractive and what is not, just like everyone else....scars just never detract from a person's appearance for me. I almost never notice them unless they are on the person's face, and no matter where they are or how big, even if I do notice one is there, I just never think they make the person look less attractive.
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
He plays in several bands and I go to see him play once in a while, but far from always. I am very supportive of him playing though.
Sister! (Throws both arms around Gisela and hugs her enthusiastically.) My husband plays French horn in multiple orchestras, bands, and ensembles. I have been known to refer to myself as "a brass widow" but his dedication to music means he understands my dedication to dance, art, and writing.
 

Nejmeh

New member
Farasha, just keep in mind that men have some sort of special gen to make stupid comments.
My mom has a huge scar(serious, a butcher would have done a better job) on her hip and she is also very consious about it. As a child I found it fascinating, because, as you point out with your scar giving life, that scar gave me a mom who could walk around and play. Later on, I also noticed that while my mom goes trough great effords not to show the scar, no one ever really made a fuzz about it. Sometimes they would aks me what the scar was from but never in a way that came out of disgust or anything.

Bear it with pride, I would think of you as a more interesting dancer then a perfect skinned tiny barbiedoll!
 

gisela

Super Moderator
Sister! (Throws both arms around Gisela and hugs her enthusiastically.) My husband plays French horn in multiple orchestras, bands, and ensembles. I have been known to refer to myself as "a brass widow" but his dedication to music means he understands my dedication to dance, art, and writing.
aaaw :lol: What a lovely hug! I'm a "rock'n'roll widow". In some periods it's pretty much every friday and saturday. But as you say, it means that we have a lot of common ground and a great understanding for each others artistic passions.
 

walladah

New member
Well, most dancers i know have very supportive

partners - actually it would be strange to meet a man who would not be happy that his girlfriend/wife is a bellydancer.

Of course, there are some silly ones who tell nonsense, as if this had to do with their body and not their beloved one's body. Because, guess what? each person has its own body! (not all men know this)

The answer is simple: be afraid of anything and anyone that does not encourages you to dance! in case a dilemma is raised, you always stick with the part that does not raise the dilemma - and dance never tells you "your husband/boyfriend or me!"... i never understood how a man can feel safe by raising a dilemma against dance;)...
 

SidraK

New member
I don't date much, but I find that it's a pretty good screening technique on a first date to "come out" as a belly dancer. You can tell a lot about someone by their reaction.

I've seen the full range from :shok: to :naghty: to :think: to :clap::dance:

By and large, since I've dated either way, women are more prone to knowing someone who dances or possibly having taken a class themselves. If not belly dance, them some other style. So it's more of a known element even in this pretty conservative neck of Canada. Men tend to be more fascinated with why I dance and of all the types of dance, why belly dance.

And anyone who makes stripper jokes doesn't get a second date. ;)
 
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