should i invite my dad to come see me dance, hmmm?

mikhailsharqi

New member
i've recently started getting invited to here and there to perform at hafla's and showcase's sort of thing, my mother in her day was a folk dancer back in her home country, she had the oppurtunity to go round her country and countries to peform professionally but her father wouldn't allow it and now since i've become a student of oriental dance and started to perform she is proud to see her son up there.

my father and i, not that we don't get on but we've never been close, i've not seen him in a while and he calls every now and again to see me, see how i am. he wanted me to take go into the restaurant bizz with him, but rather i became a nurse like my mother. i'm proud that i've taken up a culturally rich style of emotive dance and become involved with my local bellydance community, and now dancing for people at these events that i started coming only to watch is lovely!

so i was wondering should i invite him along to one of the events, to see me dance, and i wonder how would he percieve it. i'm quite conscious how the the dance style can come across and still in its own countries it doesn't get the kudos it deserves as a performance art and dancers aren't often respect as such. i'm lucky to take classes with a Reda trained folkloric dancer who has instilled certain principle in me too and i feel confident in that.

i know if it was lady, being an italian red blooded man, he wouldn't discern between dance and sex, although the stylisation is different the moves are the same, how may he take it. would he be embarrassed / ashamed, or would he see the co-ordination, arm patterns, footwork, the emotive expression as well the wobbly shimmies chest pops undulations and accents.

i was thinking mention it in passing when we chat, then to email him a vid of one of my performances and then ask if he'd like to come see it sometime?
 

lizaj

New member
Tread carefully. While you shouldn't have to hide what you do,if you want to build a closer relationship and you think that your dancing may be a stumbling point,then leave your activity in a private box. There's many a girl who will have disapproving dads as well. Fathers in many societies would not like their daughters to be public entertainers.
I know my father would have loved it. He was a schoolteacher but an amateur actor..a very fine one.When I briefly became a barmaid, my hisband wasn't happy but he was fine with it ( well he was born in his grandma's pub!) It really does depend on what he was brought up to believe about performing.
 

Pleasant dancer

New member
i'

i was thinking mention it in passing when we chat, then to email him a vid of one of my performances and then ask if he'd like to come see it sometime?
Perhaps a mention in passing first, see how he responds, then maybe take it further. Or let him get used to the idea before you suggest something else. Even if his initial response is less than good, he may come round in time. I think only you know how he is likely to think. Good luck whatever you do.
 

~Diana~

AFK Moderator
I wouldn't invite him unless you fully know how he will take it. Also don't invite him if you are not prepared for him to take it negativly and to accept the reprecusions that could come from it.
 

Nath

New member
I'm gong to take a slightly different tack than the others. If you want to share your dancing, share with your mother. She knows him best; if it can be broached with him, let her do it first. If mom doesn't, then don't. Let her lead the way in this.
 

shiradotnet

New member
I agree with those who recommend proceeding with caution.

Another consideration you should think about: Choose carefully when deciding which event to invite him to. For example, if you invite him to the type of event that any dancer can sign up for who wants to, some of the performers might do some cringe-worthy stuff that could make things worse for you. For example, if the event chooses to accept burlesque perfomrances in addition to belly dancing, that could reinforce your father's belief that belly dancing is a kind of foreplay.

I would not invite a family member to an "anybody can dance who wants to[/u] show unless I could have a high level of confidence that the dancing in the show would not make me embarrassed to say that the performances were good examples of our dance.

It would be safer to invite him to the kind of show whose organizer requires would-be performers to meet some kind of criteria for quality.
 

~Diana~

AFK Moderator
Oh good there Shira, never thought about that yesterday.

mikhailsharqi we don't know what your family is like, if your partents are together, divorced, not talking, how well they really know each other, how close you are to each parent, etc. Only you can decide on what to do with the suggestions made above but don't feel like you need do one of them just because we said so.

You mentioned in your message that you're not close to your father and he doesn't seem to make an effort to be involved in your life. I'm not close to my father and it sounds very similar to your situation (my parents are divorced). In my experience, if you are going to use your dance to try and build a new connection to your dad/get him involved in your life I would advise you not to go this road first. Try connecting with your dad first in other ways so you can gage for yourself how he might react to your dancing. Let him see you in other contexts so he can really get to know the real you before you bring him into your dance life. This could very well help overcome any views/sterotypes he holds.

It is fine asking other people but we don't know the rest of your family situation. In mine, asking my mother would be pointless. Also other people may not fully know how he might react.

I only fear that jumping right into this, based on what you said your relationship now with your dad is, could make worse any future connection you want to try and build.
 

Emma_Williams

New member
I agree with being careful what type of event you pick. My dad came to see me in a show staged at the weekend which he loved and he said he was very proud but I would die if he saw me perform in a restaurant being a bit more of a tease and cheeky...I am sure he would die too!
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
Why speculate endlessly about what he might think?

Just ask the man how he feels about ME dance in general and you doing in particular. If you aren't comfortable enough with him to do that, then you're not going to be comfortable with him watching you dance.
 

mikhailsharqi

New member
i would like to thank all you guys for your feedback, food for thought!

i guess to be honest its how the whole thing has come together in less than a year. it started off with the silliest little comp after a show, word of mouth got round and i found myself in a circle of friends/dancers who welcomed me into the local bellydance community and i was / am lucky to take classes with a teacher who's from Reda's troupe.

so its not just yeah i'm performing now, but these are my lovely friends i've made with peoples from moroco from egypt from cyprus and here and there as well as fellow english dancers and students, all beautiful dancers and all lovely people. kinda like hey dad this is the london bellydance scene, and your son is a part of this now.

i know my mother is proud of me as she wanted to pursue her folkloric dance but her father wouldn't allow it, she comes along when she can to see or watches my vids, we bellydance together after the show and have a laugh.

but i think i shall actually leave it be, i think the fact i'd to talk it over with mum (she said basically its your choice but i wouldn't cos i know what he'd be thinking!) and still feeling uncertain put the question up here, is answer enough!

i'm just getting more invites coming in to dance at hafla and showcase venues, and family members in italy on my facebook are going to get wind of it anyway as the photos and vids get shared i thought he may want to be able answer questions they're going to be asking when he goes over to see em! hah! :lol:
 

da Sage

New member
I waited until my parents asked to see me dance. If you do that, you won't have to wonder if your father really wants to watch you perform.:think:
 
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