The Power of (My) Conscience

[sansa]

So I went through all that to psyche myself up to get into a troupe after being invited to audition (a previous post). I got in. I went to the required more-advanced class and the ensemble class the first week. Then ... (I feel like an ass - can I say that on here?) ...

I dropped out. It's not that I wasn't ready or that I didn't want to be there. It's that all along there was a commitment I'd made many weeks ago to return to a spiritual obligation I'd neglected for a long, LONG time; on the same night of the week, of course. When I committed myself to returning to it I hadn't even considered the troupe or, as far as I know, been considered for the troupe. I got so excited when it was mentioned to me that I should think about it, and then when I got invited to audition. I wanted it SO badly, that I just went with it.

Funny thing about conscience (at least mine): it grabs hold and doesn't let go. Although I enjoyed the two new classes, I was really low-key and not myself at all. I knew I was supposed to be somewhere else. And that was the second week in a row; the first week was when I was there auditioning.

So, I was very VERY embarrassed and I apologized a lot but I did drop out. I wanted to do it so badly. It's just a time in life where other things are so important to me. I want to believe that the chance will come again, when I'm able to actually take advantage of the opportunity.

sigh

Just whine-ranting.

 

[Farasha Hanem]

Big, big hugs to you, Sansa. You know best what is right for you, and you need to follow your own heart. I went through a bit of a struggle earlier this week; I'll tell you about it soon. I'm sorry to have to leave, but I thought I'd better check in to the forum before turning in for the night. Take care of yourself. *hugs again*

 

[sansa]

Thank you, Farasha. I would like to hear about it when you're ready.

 

[AndreaSTL]

I'm sure they are disappointed, but you have to take care of yourself. If you feel that your spiritual health or integrity would suffer then you did the right thing. I hope you explained it to the troupe leader, though. If for some reason they changed the night of classes or practice maybe you can go back. At least you faced your nerves and self doubt and went through with the audition. That right there is an achievement!

 

[gisela]

Sorry it didn't match you and your current situation. However, I think it was good of you to aknowledge that you couldn't commit to this right now and then to quit properly. Some people can't commit but they have a problem with quitting anyway so they hang on to the troupe in a half-minded way. That is really problematic for the troupe and creates lots of frustration for both parties.
Better to do what you did and be clear I hope you will be happy with your choice and perhaps you can return to being a troupe member later in life.