They say "Im a belly dancer and I'm single"

[Rania]

I always noticed "some" belly dancers claim to be single, though they have a boyfriend. Do any of you chose to do this and why?

Here's my opinion on it. If I'm dating a guy while dancing I would not care to claim that I single. I would just be honest. Then when you dance at wedding the guys would know that they are not walking out of their with my number because Im taken.

ps: I respect any choices that are opposite of mine.

 

[Shanazel]

Why announce anything about one's personal life in a professional setting? If approached by a person who wishes to obtain one's personal contact information, there are two perfectly acceptable responses that don't involve revealing relationship status:

"Yes, of course, here it is."

and

"Sorry, I don't give out personal information."

 

[khanjar]

Why do you need to announce that fact, what is wrong with your choice to be single, as being single is not a bad thing to be if you want total freedom to do as you please? And that as many will say when you have to consider the other half, things might become difficult or less able than they could be.

Or is it you are subscribing to a majority expectation, where it is assumed those single have something wrong with them ?

Life is not all about procreation, people do have the right to do something different and I know how hard society can be sometimes, but those that question, is it truly about you, or what they themselves are missing.

Be yourself first and foremost in what you are trying to achieve, if that requires single then sacrifices can be made and who is anyone else to say different.

But if you are engaged as a dancer for entertainment, then be a dancer, your personal life is no one else's business.

But I do know white lies when they are needed can deflect unwanted attention.

 

[Yshka]

I find this rather weird to be honest and have never experienced anything like that in my area. Such a statement reminds me of pretty girls who have to lure more visitors into popular clubs and discotheques in those overcrowded holiday-places. Why would one want that for themselves as bellydancers? :think:

I'm sorry to maybe sound harsh, but when I dance at any party I am WORKING, and it would be totally unprofessional IMHO in the first place to discuss personal info with ANY of the guests OR hosts, let alone say "I'm single!"... :shok:

I like your idea of just being honest, as it would be the best and most normal way to go, especially if you are in fact in a relationship, but I would never ever let anyone know I'm single at a place I dance in, parties, restaurants, whatever. Never. This for me is a huge deal in my view of a professional dancer, as we do something that people love for entertainment, but we have to keep in mind IMO that bellydancers are generally not seen as the most 'decent' people at the party, especially for Middle Eastern audiences, and the last thing I would want is to compromise my position by letting anyone think that I am in any way 'available' for anything (and I'm referring here to the Arab as well as western prejudices, silly as they may be to us, about bellydancers and what it is exactly they do).

I have one exception though: at Gypsy events, I AM MARRIED! :lol:

 

[mahsati_janan]

This is confusing to me. I haven't ever known any dancers who tell people that they are single when they are not. I also haven't known any dancers who ever broadcast their relationship status at a gig unless it was a direct answer to, "Are you married?" I have known more dancers who go the other way and claim to be married no matter what just to shut down inappropriate innuendo.

Are you saying that, in your experience, belly dancers pretend to be single? That would be really unusual in my area.

 

[Rania]

Well it seems that many that I have meet not all, will put single up on facebook, and other places when they are not. I guessed it was a marketing technique, to get more clients to want to watch idk hahaha.

I remember hearing Britney Spears said when first launching her career she was single. to market her self as this hot sexy availible preformer. I guess I assumed some of these dancers where doing something similar.

However, I do agree with Shanazel to simply say I don't give personal imformation at an event, would be among one of the better choices.

 

[Rania]

Or is it you are subscribing to a majority expectation, where it is assumed those single have something wrong with them ?

See that's not what I was getting at. What I was stating was actuelly opposite of what you where asking. It was simply my curiosity of why they choose to say they are single when they are not. I respect any choices that are opposite of mine.

Now, im not single, but if i was, i would be honest about that. And I respect the choice if a dancer is single and says they are single. Dating and says they are dating. Dating and saying they are single. or single and says they are single etc

 

[Kashmir]

No - and if I was single I would never advertise the fact in anything associated with work - whether it is belly dance or IT.

 

[Aniseteph]

A lot of people say "I'm a belly dancer" (one person's belly dancer is another's bedroom Shakira on YT in her undies and a hipscarf), a lot of people lie on facebook (noooooh!) for all sorts of reasons - I don't think you can generalise.

Maybe some think of an illusion of availability as a marketing thing, same as you might want to have an exotic stage name rather than something mundane. IMO if you are seriously trading on availability you have problems.

If I saw references to single status on a dancer's website I would think that was weird - why would you think any of your target audience (potential students? clients?) would care? Who wants to be hired by someone for whom that is an issue? Ick. (OTOH a reference to a husband/partner is completely understandable as a weirdo-deterrent.)

FB is different in that some dancers professional and personal overlaps a little there. I expect my teacher's FB says she's single but professionally-wise I don't think it makes any more difference that what food she likes or if she's into yoga. But that's not her main web-presence as a dancer.

 

[khanjar]

I think there is a general expectation in society where if one is single, then they are not the norm and are so, different, or are available and even through performance; advertising. But I do agree with Aniseteph, face book is a place where personal lives overlap with professional lives and though that can be seen as the more complete picture of a person that some businesses/customers like to see, in other ways, well, there can be seen a conflict of interest that could have some negative consequences like unwanted attention.

I did the face book thing for a while, but now, I am drawing away and that because I plain don't trust the place.

 

[Jane]

People's personal lives are no one's business. Any dancer who uses such a cheap marketing ploy is not marketing their talent, they are marketing their potential sexual availability. I'm selling my dance not renting my vagina

 

[khanjar]

But going back to;

I always noticed "some" belly dancers claim to be single, though they have a boyfriend. Do any of you chose to do this and why?

The legal definition of someone that is not married, is single, well, in the UK at least, so I cannot speak for elsewhere, so if one is referring to the legal definition, then they are correct to say what they say as dating is still single legally.

But if a person is not referring to their legal status, then what they are doing is saying one thing whilst doing another which is pretty dishonest IMHO and insulting to the person they are dating.

 

[Kashmir]

The legal definition of someone that is not married, is single, well, in the UK at least, so I cannot speak for elsewhere

In NZ three years can make you defacto married (depends on living and financial arrangements rather than sex) and then there's Civil Union

 

[Duvet]

I find it difficult to understand that any serious, professional bellydancer would openly advertise themselves as single, whether they are or not. If such a statement is appearing in their business dealings or being linked to their dancing, then it opens them up to all sorts of potentially dangerous or dishonouring situations.

Female professional bellydancers I know have told me that firstly its no ones business, and secondly they would rather let people believe they were in a relationship because (due to steroetypes some people have about bellydancers and women in general) it avoids a level of unwanted attention.

But regardless of the situation or motive, to say you are single when you are not is dishonest, unfair on the partner, and damaging to the relationship.

 

[Amulya]

In NZ three years can make you defacto married (depends on living and financial arrangements rather than sex) and then there's Civil Union

Here it just takes 6 months.

I find it strange to call an unmarried person in a relationship single. That person is definitely not available. Not that all single people would be, some prefer to be single.

I think the OP meant relationship status on Facebook? I think people who have a belly dance profile on FB should keep that private and have a separate profile for personal stuff.

 

[shiradotnet]

I find it strange to call an unmarried person in a relationship single. That person is definitely not available. Not that all single people would be, some prefer to be single.

In the United States, the law refers to an unmarried person as "single". The law doesn't care if the person has a relationship - if the relationship hasn't been legally formalized as "married", then they are "single".

As for why a married belly dancer might call herself "single"... Some dancers want customers to think that their smokey glances and flirtatious smiles just might mean something. Some dancers are afraid that customers will think they're "cheating" on their husbands by dancing in front of men who might lust after them and therefore not hire them for that reason. The type of customer who would behave this way is a person who believes that the purpose of belly dancing is to seduce the sultan or otherwise "serve" men. For these reasons, some dancers are afraid that if prospective customers think they are married, they won't hire them.

I personally believe that my marital status is not something a prospective customer needs to know. If a customer is that interested in knowing whether I'm married, then I probably don't want to be hired by that person.

 

[Sirène]

In the United States, the law refers to an unmarried person as "single". The law doesn't care if the person has a relationship - if the relationship hasn't been legally formalized as "married", then they are "single".

To play devil's advocate for a moment, several states recognize common-law marriages.

Regarding dancers and their relationship status, I'm surprised they don't all claim to be married just to quash any malformed ideas of availability an audience might have.

 

[shiradotnet]

To play devil's advocate for a moment, several states recognize common-law marriages.

Yes, so does the one I live in. And the law would consider those people "married" despite the fact they didn't do a license, witness, signatures, and legal process. Even common-law marriages typically must meet some sort of formalized legal criteria to be considered "married" such as pooling finances, living under the same roof a certain length of time, or whatever. It differs from state to state.

However, if a couple doesn't meet the criteria of their state to be considered common-law marriage, the individuals are still considered "single" for purposes of legal classification.

Regarding dancers and their relationship status, I'm surprised they don't all claim to be married just to quash any malformed ideas of availability an audience might have.

Yes, over the years I've heard many dancers who are NOT in a relationship say they wear wedding bands for this exact reason.

 

[jjj]

In TX you are single if you are not married. If your living with your boyfriend no matter how long you are still single. Now, if your living with your other half and call him your husband even if it's not on papers you are then consider common-law marriage even if he moved in that day. Words are very important when taken to court.

I have a boyfriend and when filing paperwork I mark single. Apart from that is nobodies business what you are. I don't see a problem if they say they are or not. I'm not walking in there shoes to judge. Those around me know I'm dating and others don't have the need to ask. This is from someone that is NOT a bellydancer.

 

[Rania]

Kanjar I do think there is that sterotype where if your single there is something wrong with you. I struggled with that in Jr. High. Im always honest if Im single I say it if Im dating I say it. Back in Jr. High I never dated any one not even once. Of course I had to be convinced by the other girls that they where much more superior then me because they dated the boys at school off and on, and I had dated no one yet.