What to do when people act "fresh" when tipping?

lily_raks

New member
I dance very regularly. Once or twice a week, and I rarely have an issue with disrespectful patrons. Today, I had to tell a few that bra tipping wasn't allowed. Several people tried (mostly persian audience if that matters), a few women who after directing them at the bra strap still tipped at the bra. And several guys just quickly lowered their hand too when directed them to my shoulder. I usually only take tips at the belt and arm bands but so many people tried to reach towards the upper area that I just moved my hair out of the way to direct them to my shoulder strap but so many still ended quickly touching my breast. This is unusual to me and I know there aren't many nights like this. But how do I further prevent it? I did end up making a lot of money and I appreciate tips but I'm just not comfortable with bra tipping, front or back of belt and I don't think I'll ever be.
 

Darshiva

Moderator
Decide if you want the tip or the dignity more. If it's the tip, then suck it up as one of the less glamourous sides of public performance. If it's the dignity, waggle your finger & refuse the tip. (I don't recall where I saw the last piece of advice - probably shira's site - but it is GOOD advice)
 

lily_raks

New member
Decide if you want the tip or the dignity more. If it's the tip, then suck it up as one of the less glamourous sides of public performance. If it's the dignity, waggle your finger & refuse the tip. (I don't recall where I saw the last piece of advice - probably shira's site - but it is GOOD advice)
Thanks for the advice! It is the dignity that I prefer. And I did scold everyone who did it but it was after the fact. They were too quick with their advance. I had already told them no bra tipping. And I am not saying that dancers that take tips at the bra have no dignity. I just personally don't feel comfortable with it but I understand many dancers welcome tips in whichever way they come because it is how the make a living and like you said, although not glamourous, it is part of it. I just feel bad because even after being firm some people were too quick and there was nothing I could do but tell them that was not ok right after (in a nice way). So I don't see what else I can do aside from that after the fact but I want to see how the ladies who don't accept bra tips prepare themselves or shield themselves from these advances that may happen. Today was an unusual night. In the years I have been performing I have never had a night like this. And it was a family restaurant with mostly children and older adults.
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
When approached by a bra tipper, I always started out with a humorous frown accompanied by a stern waggling "no-no" index finger. Then I extended my hip and pointed at the top of my belt. This was generally enough, but if not the frown got sterner and I danced away.

Had a guy pursue me around the room one night (he was drunk). I finally grabbed the dollar out of his fist, slapped his face lightly, and danced away. The audience howled with laughter and he grinned sheepishly and sat down. I figured I wouldn't get paid that night since this guy owned the bar and his wife was watching the whole interaction. To my surprise, she came up later, paid me more than was agreed upon, told me she'd never seen anyone handle a drunk that slick, and asked me to come back. I think that was my first paid gig. :cool:
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
Hmmm. That leads to other ideas. :think: Maybe dancers could wear decorative fanny packs with a beaded message that says, "Deposit tips herein."
 

Imeera

New member
I don't know if its just me, my culture, the fact I have never preformed or my upbringing but any tips inserted in any item of clothing seems wrong to me. Maybe because tipping isn't a big thing here, no one tips and its nothing if they don't, but to me it doesn't have high moral standing to be tipped in such a way. All I can think of is strippers and correct me if I am wrong but isn't tipping in clothing a stripper thing to do and not anyone elses. Certainly not a belly dancers! I am sorry I can't be of any help but I am curious to your insight on this. I am certanly not saying any of you are of low morals or strippers! Please don't think that. It just seems odd to me that a belly dancer would accept tips in this way.
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
Back in the sixties and seventies it was au courant to stick bills to a dancer's damp midsection. :lol: My middle never got that damp, but you probably could've stuck coins to my damp forehead.
 

AyaKara

New member
Shanazel, I just cracked up at the thought of a dancer having green dollar bills covering her non-clothed sections of her body, like her stomach & arms. Thank you for the good laugh :lol:

Have you tried the basket or perhaps dancing around with a veil looped in a certain way? I'm at least a year or two off from performing, but that's what I intend to do to keep things modest & comfortable for myself!
 

Imeera

New member
:lol: Shanazel, I take it as an okay thing there then? I am glad they don't do that now. Could you imagine having to peel them all off after you went off stage? You would probably end up green in places! Uggh! :lol:
 

Shanazel

Super Moderator
I never saw it done in real life. I suspect the money would have to be washed and dried afterwards, giving a new meaning to laundered money.
 

Farasha Hanem

New member
That same thought ran through my mind! :lol:

I've never danced in a restaurant venue (I'm not near at the level to do so), so I'm not sure how I would handle accepting tips (or if I even would). I do know I would not welcome being touched by an audience member, so I do know body tipping would be out of the question for me. Dignity before dollars! :cool:
 

Farasha Hanem

New member
Is body tipping anything like cow tipping? :think:
If so, then I don't wanna be "tipped" at all! :lol: Unless cows make better money than dancers! *snork!* xD

New trend in dancer tipping: *push, WHUMP!!!* XD

Would that be considered a new interactive move with the audience? :think: "The Bovine Bowl-Over?" xD

Ohhhh, how I love a bad pun! :lol:
 
Last edited:

Sophia Maria

New member
Had a guy pursue me around the room one night (he was drunk). I finally grabbed the dollar out of his fist, slapped his face lightly, and danced away. The audience howled with laughter and he grinned sheepishly and sat down. I figured I wouldn't get paid that night since this guy owned the bar and his wife was watching the whole interaction. To my surprise, she came up later, paid me more than was agreed upon, told me she'd never seen anyone handle a drunk that slick, and asked me to come back. I think that was my first paid gig. :cool:
:lol: Why do you always have the best stories, Shanazel?

I have never danced in a restaurant venue before, so I can't say anything from personal experience. But as a first reaction I would probably resort to some sort of theatrical finger waggling and frowny face, to keep humor and audience interaction while setting down a rule. It's artful diplomacy. Hmmm. One could also try having really long hair and making sure it's flipped over your shoulder covering your cleavage. Then the shoulder is the only option, unless they're forward enough to paw at your hair to get to the bra. Eww.
 

Bast

New member
I dance very regularly. Once or twice a week, and I rarely have an issue with disrespectful patrons. Today, I had to tell a few that bra tipping wasn't allowed. Several people tried (mostly persian audience if that matters), a few women who after directing them at the bra strap still tipped at the bra. And several guys just quickly lowered their hand too when directed them to my shoulder. I usually only take tips at the belt and arm bands but so many people tried to reach towards the upper area that I just moved my hair out of the way to direct them to my shoulder strap but so many still ended quickly touching my breast. This is unusual to me and I know there aren't many nights like this. But how do I further prevent it? I did end up making a lot of money and I appreciate tips but I'm just not comfortable with bra tipping, front or back of belt and I don't think I'll ever be.
I read on one of these forums about a dancer who experienced something like this and like you, she wasn't happy about it.

When she corrected an older persian lady for stuffing tips in her bra, the lady said she put the money in there so that it was safe, so the dancer could keep it.

That post came to mind when you mentioned even the women were trying to tip in your bra, it could be a cultural thing, that maybe if the bills are hidden in your bra you won't have turn over your earnings to your boss or partner.
 
Top