DOs & DON'Ts : How to date a belly dancer

[walladah]

You made my day, thanks!

For gentlemen:

DON'T: Do not express ever ever ever a sexist, orientalist or deprecating opinion about Oriental dance, music or cultures, because you think that the woman you met in a completely westernised context will think you are soooooo smart defending that context. No matter how conservative her dressing might be, no matter whether you met her while you were attending a business meeting, she might still be a bellydancer.

Note: Being a feminist does not mean that a woman dislikes bellydance, quite the opposite. So, do not try to impress her saying that bellydance belittles women, unless you want to receive a related lecture (not your aim, is it?).

DO: Educate yourself about the dance, particularly its theory and social meanings. Silly jokes and prejudices will make you funny (and) memory.

For ladies:

DON'T: Do not ever ever ever start any discussion about his dance mentioning silly stories which reveal your prejudice that a male bellydancer is gay. If you are so anxious to learn about his intimate preferences before even knowing his name, hobbies or favourite music, then you do not deserve a bellydancer and he will know this before you do.

DO: Ask him to teach you something out of what he knows about the dance (even if you are a very good bellydancer too). He will appreciate the compliment - and probably you will gain some more time with him to know him better.

 

[Harry]

@walladah: Thanks for the big handful of likes! You made MY day, as well!

DO understand that the belly dancer you are dating might be stressed out if you are present at her gigs so asks you to not show up when she is working; she might be afraid you will negatively react when another guy tries to chat with her. After all, isn't that how you met her?

DON'T violate her trust by sneaking in at the back, and trying to hide in the shadows. She will find out.:naghty:

 

[Harry]

DO admire her beauty and compliment her curves; she will love your praise.

DON'T compare her looks with any other woman by name, including <shudder> your mother... She already knows you are looking for a mommy.

---

DO be proud of the fact that you are dating a belly dancer. She picked you over all the other guys that admire her.

DON'T brag about your good fortune to your pals at the pub. What if she finds out what a braggart you are and decides to dump you? Besides, if you have such a hot relationship going, why in the world are you with your pals at the pub?

 

[Zorba]

Do not ever ever ever start any discussion about his dance mentioning silly stories which reveal your prejudice that a male bellydancer is gay.

Speaking for myself, this doesn't really bother me. It certainly has happened to me enough times. Given the opportunity, I'll set the record straight; but the fact remains that many male Belly Dancers *are* gay - maybe even the majority. So what? Who cares?

A dance brother of my acquaintance - who does indeed just happen to be gay - told me that I was a "hundred footer": A gay guy could tell that I was NOT gay from a hundred feet away! OTOH, I have had at least one encounter with a group of gay guys who thought I was too. *shrug*

What Ever...

 

[Harry]

Speaking for myself, this doesn't really bother me. It certainly has happened to me enough times. Given the opportunity, I'll set the record straight; but the fact remains that many male Belly Dancers *are* gay - maybe even the majority. So what? Who cares?

A dance brother of my acquaintance - who does indeed just happen to be gay - told me that I was a "hundred footer": A gay guy could tell that I was NOT gay from a hundred feet away! OTOH, I have had at least one encounter with a group of gay guys who thought I was too. *shrug*

What Ever...

I agree with you... IMHO, when it comes to the arts (BD is included, of course), it makes no difference the gender or the color of the stripes. If an individual's sexuality is what makes him/her artful, they have MY respect.

DO understand that your belly dancer may have been the victim of prejudice based on stereotypes. Be patient and understanding with him/her.

DON'T under any circumstance persist in reminding him/her of those prejudices. He/She wants to have the relationship with YOU not his/her past.

 

[Amulya]

Here's one I dedicate to Amulya :

DO be completely honest when she asks for your honest and candid opinion about the costume she just sewed and is modeling for you. She wouldn't ask YOU if she didn't want to know YOUR opinion.

DON'T keep placating her with platitudinous B.S. in place of the truth. She will notice you doing so.

How did I miss this post LOL.

My boyfriend must being doing it right: I get VERY honest opinions about my costumes. His descriptions of things that are wrong with one of my latest creations were hilarious :lol:

 

[Harry]

...
My boyfriend must being doing it right: I get VERY honest opinions about my costumes. His descriptions of things that are wrong with one of my latest creations were hilarious :lol:

I'm happy for you, Amulya. In doing it right, I hope he follows this advice :

DO tell her the truth about how you feel about her costume, always...

HOWEVER

DON'T provide your opinion unless she asks for it, no matter how terrible it looks!!!

 

[Amulya]

Uh that is impossible, his eyes betray his opinion haha! And he's not allowed to lie either haha.

 

[Harry]

Uh that is impossible, his eyes betray his opinion haha! And he's not allowed to lie either haha.

Obviously, you have him well trained. :lol:

Gosh, maybe you could provide some input for this game!

DO be attentive to your belly dancer's needs and desires. :think:

DON'T wait for her to tell you to be attentive!

 

[Amulya]

DO give helpful music suggestions. For example what you think will work for the audience and what won't.

DON'T say that all Middle Eastern music sounds the same so it doesn't matter :lol::lol::lol:

(Yes boyfriend helps with music choice too)

 

[Darshiva]

So hurry up & propose to him because you do NOT let the good ones like this one get away! Take it from someone who knows.

 

[Harry]

Here's a change-up, directed to the belly dancer:

DO be patient with the guy. After all, he may never fully understand all that you go through to perfect your art.

HOWEVER

DON'T let him treat you like a "trophy", or a third-class citizen. Emphasize that you are equals, and make him pull his weight.

 

[Duvet]

DO think of something else to talk about other than bellydancing.

But

DON'T be surprised if the conversation is about nothing but bellydancing.