The Joy of Gracious Dancers

[sansa]

So I had the wonderful experience of my first time at Art of the Belly in Ocean City, MD this weekend. I only stayed for Friday, took a couple of workshops, watched all the performances. It was fabulous.

I realized just this weekend that I've been studying belly dance for a year now. In the past year I've truly learned that I will belly dance as long as the universe lets me. I love it so much. It was great to see all the different dancers, levels, body types, styles all together in the workshops and on stage; which is one of the reasons I love this genre so much.

One thing made me a little sad, though. Although I'm new to belly dance, I've been performing for over 40 years in various capacities in the theatre and music worlds. One thing is common to all performance genres: people who are a little ... snotty, snobby, "I'm better than you and I can't believe you had the nerve to try to strike up a conversation with me." I find that awfully sad. I could never pretend to be able to explain what's behind such attitudes and the tendency to look down one's nose at others but I do know that I never, ever see it with the "headliners."

As I went through the day and evening, talking and small-talking with various people in my travels through the Carousel hotel, I noticed that every time the greeting was icy or non-existent, every time the attempt to just be friendly was met with that up-the-body-down-the-body glance (do you know what I mean?), it was always from someone who turned out to be a pretty good dancer but never from one of the instructors or those who turned out to be the real "stars" of the show. On the contrary, those dancers were gracious, friendly, humble, and seemingly very happy to take a moment to speak with one of us "lower ones."

My best and most memorable experience was with Jill Parker. I took her Shimmy Demystified class. We were standing outside the class space together and she opened up so easily and genuinely. Later she came in and spoke with my husband and me for a few minutes in the restaurant. The next morning she actually saw us in there again as she was about to leave the festival and stopped in again just to say "goodbye" and "nice to meet you." I was stunned at this and so happy. Because of that, truly, if she is ever anywhere near I will absolutely go to her classes again.

It never, ever hurts to be friendly and gracious to others. Seriously, if you're a great dancer - or singer or actor or anything for that matter - how can it hurt you if someone else is great or very good or none of the above? It doesn't matter how talented you are, you will be remembered for the person you are.

 

[Mosaic]

Sansa, I edited & changed the font colour because the white font you are using doesn't show up for those of us using the green theme I just a very pale pinky tone & it can be seen by those of us using green, maybe a little pale but at least now readable

Sorry to hear you found some people stand offish, but glad you had a lovely experience with one of the instructors. Hope in the future you have a better experience with all dancers
~Mosaic

 

[Mosaic]

Sansa, I edited & changed the font colour because the white font you are using doesn't show up for those of us using the green theme I just used a very pale pinky tone & it can be seen by those of us using green, maybe a little pale but at least now readable I'm not sure why that happened because normally the purple theme font automatically changes to black if you use the green theme. Maybe I should try black then check the post with the purple theme & see if it changes to white.

Sorry to hear you found some people stand offish, but glad you had a lovely experience with one of the instructors. Hope in the future you have a better experience with all dancers
~Mosaic
PS: Just tried the black font in the green theme and it changes to white in the purple, so disregard the pale pink change all is well now

 

[Roshanna]

I think that at least some of the dancers who come off as unfriendly or standoffish are actually shy or socially awkward. I actually ordered myself a t-shirt (from XKCD) saying "Not unfriendly, just shy. You can talk to me!" to wear to dance events because I was worried people would think I was rude or unfriendly when in fact I'm just a bit shy and sometimes struggle to make small talk with people I don't know, although I'm fine around my friends. Sadly it got lost by the Royal Mail and never arrived :'(

Of course, it is horrible when dancers genuinely are rude or hostile to people they don't know. I do occasionally encounter people at events that I get a bit of an unfriendly vibe from, or who are only interested in interacting with their own clique, but they are not that common in my experience

 

[Darshiva]

One thing made me a little sad, though. Although I'm new to belly dance, I've been performing for over 40 years in various capacities in the theatre and music worlds. One thing is common to all performance genres: people who are a little ... snotty, snobby, "I'm better than you and I can't believe you had the nerve to try to strike up a conversation with me." I find that awfully sad. I could never pretend to be able to explain what's behind such attitudes and the tendency to look down one's nose at others but I do know that I never, ever see it with the "headliners."

As I went through the day and evening, talking and small-talking with various people in my travels through the Carousel hotel, I noticed that every time the greeting was icy or non-existent, every time the attempt to just be friendly was met with that up-the-body-down-the-body glance (do you know what I mean?), it was always from someone who turned out to be a pretty good dancer but never from one of the instructors or those who turned out to be the real "stars" of the show. On the contrary, those dancers were gracious, friendly, humble, and seemingly very happy to take a moment to speak with one of us "lower ones."

I have a question. Did you approach these people on performance night? If so, then I will tell you that you probably picked a bad time to talk to dancers. (see other threads on performance anxiety) Often people who are yet to perform have nerves to deal with and will come across as curt. I know I do. And afterwards, all one wants to do is sit down for 15 minutes and inhale whatever food is available.

Of course, there are some genuinely snotty people out there. But generally people have reasons for their less pleasant behaviour.

 

[sansa]

Hi Darshiva:

I can honestly say no. These instances were while milling around before workshops started, while visiting vendor tables, standing in lines - all places and times where friendliness and small talk is normal. There was no access to performers prior to/during the show. But again, I've performed for years; trained, degree, and all that. A performer is ALWAYS on stage. Graciousness is a skill as necessary to learn and practice as your art. I appreciate your response, though.

 

[sansa]

Ah, thank you, Mosaic. I'll keep that in mind. I thought the default color was an odd choice but I guess it's best for visibility on all backgrounds.

 

[sansa]

I think that at least some of the dancers who come off as unfriendly or standoffish are actually shy or socially awkward. I actually ordered myself a t-shirt (from XKCD) saying "Not unfriendly, just shy. You can talk to me!" to wear to dance events because I was worried people would think I was rude or unfriendly when in fact I'm just a bit shy and sometimes struggle to make small talk with people I don't know, although I'm fine around my friends. Sadly it got lost by the Royal Mail and never arrived :'(

Of course, it is horrible when dancers genuinely are rude or hostile to people they don't know. I do occasionally encounter people at events that I get a bit of an unfriendly vibe from, or who are only interested in interacting with their own clique, but they are not that common in my experience

That could be the case sometimes. I'll give people the benefit of the doubt on it. I know it's not always the case but, on the other hand, it doesn't hurt me to make that assumption. Fortunately, there's always someone else willing to share some friendly words or a greeting. Thank you for that. Sorry you never got your shirt.

 

[Yame]

It's so important to be gracious. Treat others as you would like to be treated.

I have to say, thankfully, I haven't run into many snotty dancers in this community so far. Most people are very nice and humble if you approach them.

 

[Dunyah]

I've met many of the top dancers such as Dalia Carella, Karim Nagy, Artemis Mourat, Amel Tafsout, Fahtiem, Rachel Brice, Sharon Kihara, Tamalyn Dallal, Aziza of Montreal, etc. and they have unfailingly been gracious off-stage. I think it is important for a professional artist to have those social skills. The few who are not gracious are known to the people who organize workshops and events and with so many wonderful performers who are nice to work with, why choose the ones who are not?

I have also experienced the joy of gracious dancers backstage before a performance. Two recent examples: my zill elastic broke two minutes before I was to go on and two dancers helped me fix it with a pin and a scissors, which they went and found for me. At another show a fellow dancer helped me set up my prop, a lit candle in a holder, before I went on.

We all deal with a certain amount of anxiety before a show, but most dancers I have found to be extremely helpful backstage, putting in pins where needed on a costume, etc. Once a dancer even helped me put on false eyelashes when I was too shakey to do it myself. Those kindnesses are dear memories and those kind dancers often become good friends.

There aren't too many snobby dancers around here, often I think people like that are a bit insecure with themselves.

 

[sansa]

Isn't that great when you leave with new friends? I totally agree.

 

[sansa]

I've met many of the top dancers such as Dalia Carella, Karim Nagy, Artemis Mourat, Amel Tafsout, Fahtiem, Rachel Brice, Sharon Kihara, Tamalyn Dallal, Aziza of Montreal, etc. and they have unfailingly been gracious off-stage. I think it is important for a professional artist to have those social skills. The few who are not gracious are known to the people who organize workshops and events and with so many wonderful performers who are nice to work with, why choose the ones who are not?

I have also experienced the joy of gracious dancers backstage before a performance. Two recent examples: my zill elastic broke two minutes before I was to go on and two dancers helped me fix it with a pin and a scissors, which they went and found for me. At another show a fellow dancer helped me set up my prop, a lit candle in a holder, before I went on.

We all deal with a certain amount of anxiety before a show, but most dancers I have found to be extremely helpful backstage, putting in pins where needed on a costume, etc. Once a dancer even helped me put on false eyelashes when I was too shakey to do it myself. Those kindnesses are dear memories and those kind dancers often become good friends.

There aren't too many snobby dancers around here, often I think people like that are a bit insecure with themselves.

Don't you love it when those random acts of kindness/conversation result in new friendships?

Actually, at this same Art of the Belly I did take Turkish Oriental with Artemis Mourat. Another very, very gracious and friendly lady. I got there early and so we talked for about a minute or so. She hugged me immediately. She also had a table in the vendor area and hugged me again! Very nice lady. And very funny, too. Same with Naimah (didn't take a class with her); very friendly and open.

So I see my own shortcoming here - remembering those who sort of gave the "snub" when I had such great encounters with other people.

Thanks, Dunyah!

 

[Sophia Maria]

Glad to hear you've met some friendly and gracious people! Unfortunately, as this is a performing art, you will always find people with inflated egos or sometimes abrasive personalities. But for the most part, I have had better luck finding warm and generous people within the bellydance community.

 

[Shanazel]

Snobs are not unique to or more common in the performing arts. They are everywhere and all one can do is pity them for their lack of social skills and good manners.

Or if one is feeling especially frisky, lean toward the snob and say in a confidential voice, "You know, I can't keep up a snobby attitude myself but you do it really well!"

 

[Darshiva]

I don't know. I think helpful is very different to being snappy & stressed. I've been both at exactly the same time. If someone was wanting to chat I was going out of my mind with nerves and not being polite at all, but the minute someone had an actual problem I became Queen Fix-it. I'm sorta known for being prepared for nearly any dancer disaster now and am usually the first person people turn to backstage to help them out of a problem.

But enough about me.

I think that after a certain amount of experience with stageyness that one learns how to deal with the stress in a way that has a lot less splash damage, although it's not always the case. I've certainly met a few pros who were very curt in the pre/post performance encounters but when you met them later when things were more relaxed, they were quite enjoyable to be around.

I've also met my share of dancers who looked down their noses at me the entire time we were talking. (some of them were facebook friends with me too!) Some people just don't know how to interact face-to-face. And others are just generally unpleasant.

Also, I note from a re-read of the first post that sansa may have encountered a huge dose of intermediateitis. I'm sure I'm not the only person who, as an intermediate, was rude & snotty to beginners they met at a festival. In my case it was because my teacher was leading by example and encouraged us to be bitchy! I would honestly just put it out of your mind, and if you do meet any of them again at another festival or hafla, be politely neutral. You may be surprised. You may end up getting an apology out of them later.

 

[Shanazel]

Any teacher who sets a bitchy example for students to follow in public deserves to lose every student she has. There is little enough excuse for bad manners in the first place but to deliberately teach them as professional demeanor... the mind reels.

Part of performing is dealing with the stress in an effective manner that does not include taking skin off others who may be equally stressed. It doesn't take much effort to say, "I'm sorry, I'm feeling too pressured to talk right now." If one wishes to be particularly kind one can add, "May we talk later?"

Like anything else one has to practice maintaining grace under pressure; memorizing a few responses in advance can help. Seriously.

 

[sansa]

Snobs are not unique to or more common in the performing arts. They are everywhere and all one can do is pity them for their lack of social skills and good manners.

Or if one is feeling especially frisky, lean toward the snob and say in a confidential voice, "You know, I can't keep up a snobby attitude myself but you do it really well!"

That's hilarious! :clap: (Don't think I could do it, though!)

 

[Shanazel]

One of my mother's friends actually said this at a class reunion. I confess to using it once myself after an encounter with a relentless snob whose company I could not avoid.

 

[sansa]

"Intermediateitis." Yes, that's a great way to put it. I noticed in theatre that the "big fish in a little pond" tended to have these sorts of attitudes but those who had traveled in/for their art were more humble and appreciative of others.

 

[sansa]

Bravo! The person's face must have been priceless!