Something all men need to understand

[walladah]

It is different for women

because we are supposed to be happy with any attention men give to us, even if this attention is mere violence. Society in most countries think that we enjoy violence as well, so even if we protest unwanted attention, even the violent one, we are just bitches who are rude and spoiled etc etc.

This is not the same for men, i mean, they are not supposed to enjoy unwanted attention, flirting or violence, so when they complain, their arguments are taken for true.

Yes, less body strength is also a disadvantage, but we are also educated not to resist, not to defend ourselves, terror to freeze is what we are taught as normal for women. It is very difficult to defend ourselves because then we become...bitches and rude and everything we are not. I think that we need to know it is better to be bitches than just easy prey to people who have serious problems with their manhood (i assume that the people who attack women like this shouting how men are better or they attack minor girls, do know very well how missing they are as of being men).

 

[Kartane]

Tarik - Thanks so much for posting this and for your note. I have not read this entire thread yet, because it hits very close to home and I have to take it in small doses. I am, however, always glad when I meet men who try to get, even a little, what it's like to be a woman. Given what I deal with in the USA, I shudder to think what women in other parts of the world go through. Even here in the USA, it's a daily battle just to walk down the street without commentary and harassment. This thread made me think of something I read a while back. My apologies if this has already been posted:

Rookie » It Happens All the Time

 

[Amulya]

Last week I was enjoying the sun in the park across the road, a place that is very nice as I never have issues there, but this time someone sneaked up to me, I heard footsteps passing very closeby and a loud burp! WTH! I find that even worse than a whistle. I mean a whistle is at least still some sort of compliment, but a burp is a downright insult. I couldn't see what kind of guy it was as the sun was in my eyes blocking proper vision. But all I can say is that it was obviously a sad looser of a bogan (as we call the he in Oz) Made me feel yuk the rest of the day. I could no longer enjoy myself and went home.

 

[Kozmique]

Ew! That's so freakin' nasty. I don't understand the burping thing AT ALL. When I was a teenager my parents had a friend who would come over for dinner with his wife, and when I was in the kitchen washing up he would walk past me and simultaneously burp in my ear while slapping me on the backside with a newspaper or magazine. He did this EVERY TIME. It really upset me but my complaints were never taken seriously

 

[Amulya]

That's indeed upsetting! So foul! And an adult doing that to a teen is ever grosser

Actually what I forgot to mention, these things start in primary school or early high school, where boys start to become nasty to girls, can be anything from making comments to actual sexual abuse. Sadly it is very hard for girls to prove what boys are doing so I am afraid not much is being done. That's the time crucial for adults to step in, to nip the behaviour in the bud.

 

[MzHartz]

When it comes to catcalling, I doubt that any of those men actually think they're giving a compliment. They're assuming a position of control, showing dominance. I'd guess that they want women to scamper away, then they're trick worked. So I usually say something to them, something neutral, just, "Hi, how are you?" or something like that. It usually throws them for a loop. (I also have a little bit of fighting, boxing, and self defense training, which I was brought up with [my stepfather is a jerkwad, but I'll give him credit for that], so don't doubt that I'm evaluating fight or flight routes when I do.) That reminds me of an Amanda Palmer song:

I walk down my street at night
The city lights are cold and violent
I am comforted by the approaching sounds of trucks and sirens
Even though the world's so bad
These men rush out to help the dying
And though I am no use to them
I do my part by simply smiling

The ghetto boys are catcalling me
As I pull my keys from my pocket
I wonder if this method of courtship
Has ever been effective
Has any girl in history said
"Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on"
Still, I always shock them when I answer
Hi my name's Amanda

 

[Sophia Maria]

*hugs* I'm sorry you went through that, Sophia. Wish I would have been there---I would have told that no good arrogant so-and-so "Just keep telling yourself that, maybe you'll CONVINCE yourself someday!"

Thanks!

When it comes to catcalling, I doubt that any of those men actually think they're giving a compliment. They're assuming a position of control, showing dominance. I'd guess that they want women to scamper away, then they're trick worked. So I usually say something to them, something neutral, just, "Hi, how are you?" or something like that.

Never thought of that. That probably would throw them for a loop! Only problem is in my circumstance, this person was very drunk, probably some sort of mentally unstable, and speaking a foreign language--which I understand very well, but under stress like that I wasn't sure if I could actually speak it well.

 

[Munniko]

I really appreciated the Rookie article and find a lot of truth in that. I'm usually such a homebody since high school and I kind see why. I definitely developed fast (C cup by middle school) so I got a lot of attention. I attempted to dress in boys clothes, but that did nothing and kinda had me not appreciate how I looked till senior year of high school :lol: job interview/college interview time. I think the worst part sometimes I think is when your fellow woman does not support you. My example is my mother, I tell her I don't like riding the bus because I get harassed on it and she refuses to believe that could happen because she has never been harassed on the bus.

On another note I love is the starting the harassment with "how old are you?" I mean hey at least they are kind enough to ask that implying they don't want jail bait, but sometimes I'm a mean spirited person and answer 16 (which I can apparently pass for when I don't wear a lot of eye make-up) then the pause comes and they seem to be considering CONTINUING. That is where I have the problem, these are 20+ year old men considering harassing or "flirting/trying to seduce" someone who could really be a minor. This happened today so yeah...

ETA: Wow, I posted this and my other hatred comes up, so as a home body who works in some manner all the time I put myself on a dating website because I've actually made friends with it. This also puts me up for receiving all sorts of nasty degrading messages from men who I think get worse once you put out there that you are "available" you are now just meat for them to degrade like I was just messaged to text a number (really tempted to post it here) if I wanted to "have a good time" ...I put that in nicer terms because this forum is open to the public and you know what I don't want people having to think of things in that terms. Also HE DOESN'T LIVE IN MY STATE!! Seriously other side of the country.

 

[Amulya]

I think it really affects teens when it happens to them. Like you I also used to get older men paying me attention, but they were really much older, like 20 years older (imagine being 18 and 40 year olds are openly perving at you, that's disgusting). So gross! Lucky I had some sort of ignore button in my head so I didn't notice it as much (but my mother pointed it out at me) But boys at school are much harder to ignore if they are trying to touch you *vomit*.

 

[Farasha Hanem]

How about women who sexually harass other women on the Internet? My AOL inbox is especially bad about not catching these kind of emails and sending them to the spam box. Some say that they've seen my FB profile and say I'm "hot" (snort! How could they see my profile, anyway?? It's set to "friends only"!). Even if they COULD see m profile, it CLEARLY STATES I'm married! I don't know these people, and I'm NOT gonna click their links to "see their new pictures"!!! >:/

Sorry if I've veered a but off-topic, but sometimes it's not only men a girl wants to slap the fire out of. >:/

Arrrrrrrgh, I tried to edit this post for typos and ended up double-posting! :wall: :wall: :wall:

 

[Farasha Hanem]

How about women who sexually harass other women on the Internet? My AOL inbox is especially bad about not catching these kind of emails and sending them to the spam box. Some say that they've seen my FB profile and say I'm "hot" (snort! How could they see my profile, anyway?? It's set to "friends only"!). Even if they COULD see my profile, it CLEARLY STATES I'm married! I don't know these people, and I'm NOT gonna click their links to "see their new pictures"!!! >:/

Sorry if I've veered a bit off-topic, but sometimes it's not only men a girl wants to slap the fire out of. >:/

 

[Amulya]

That's just as annoying! Glad I have never had that

 

[Sophia Maria]

How about women who sexually harass other women on the Internet? My AOL inbox is especially bad about not catching these kind of emails and sending them to the spam box. Some say that they've seen my FB profile and say I'm "hot" (snort! How could they see my profile, anyway?? It's set to "friends only"!). Even if they COULD see my profile, it CLEARLY STATES I'm married! I don't know these people, and I'm NOT gonna click their links to "see their new pictures"!!! >:/

Sorry if I've veered a bit off-topic, but sometimes it's not only men a girl wants to slap the fire out of. >:/

Ugh, that's really annoying. Female stalkers are just as annoying as male ones. However, I guess my point with what I originally posted was that, men and women can both be annoying and harassing. However, I'm usually not afraid that a woman could beat the @#$ out of me if I decline to return their "affection".

Oh also--even if you have all of the facebook privacy settings on, anyone who finds your page can see the most basic stuff about you: Your name, your profile pic, and then depending on your settings, your relationship status and the number of friends you have. Aaand sometimes every profile pic you have ever had, I think.

 

[Amulya]

No some people have privacy settings so you can't see anything at all, only their name, but I don't know how to do that