Social Media Protocol

[Habiba]

I recently had a "falling-out" with my former teacher. No words were spoken but I had decided to move on for a number of reasons and found a new teacher who, at this stage in my dance journey, is giving me what I feel I need.

By way of background, I live in an Asian country which has only a few established teachers (in other words, the bellydance community here is tiny). I am also of the opinion it's good to keep cordial relations and avoid burning bridges.

Anyway, my former teacher's school was a"friend" on Facebook. I didn't delete or unfriend for the above stated reasons, plus I love her style so I had not ruled out going back to her at some stage for either private classes or workshops. However, about a fortnight ago, she deleted me.

Is the normal response to a student who has gone AWOL. I felt my former teacher was cutting her nose off to spite her face as deleting me is so final and surely let me know that she was not interested in keeping ties or having me back as a student. Just to add, I recently taught a beginners class and I did recommend her as I really enjoyed studying with her. I had also recommended some of her advanced students for gigs (the ones who were at performance level).

Sorry to sound rather long-winded but I am interested in knowing your thoughts. As teachers, would you delete a former student (not knowing if one day they may come back) or even recommend you or your students? My feeling is that it doesn't make good business sense, let alone it can make things rather awkward in such a small community.

 

[Zorba]

My thought is that Face***k et al are cesspools of drama best avoided altogether.

 

[chirel]

People use social media for different reasons. Maybe she has her students as friends because she uses FB to communicate about canceled classes or upcoming events or other belly dance related things. As you are no longer her student maybe she felt that she doesn't need to inform you about these things anymore. It doesn't have to be personal. Another thing is that as a teacher she is unique to you, but any teacher who has worked for more than a couple of years will end up having hordes of ex-students. Do you expect her to keep all of her ex-student as her FB-friends? She'll have thousands of people there and the only connection would be that these people ones attended her class.

If you were friends in addition to there being teacher student relationship then I think the situation is unfortunate. Talk to her and explane why you changed teacher ans that you respect her and like her style. Maybe she felt that you just ditched her.

A bit difficult to speculate and Zorba is definitely right. If it's on social media, don't take it too seriously.

 

[Habiba]

My thought is that Face***k et al are cesspools of drama best avoided altogether.

Zorba, I understand where you are coming from, but if used responsibly, I think social networking can be a fabulous tool. In fact, I have learnt so much about the dance through Facebook - been invited to events that I would not have known about otherwise and have made invaluable contacts within the community. I also found my present teacher through FB!

However, as we can see from my story, it can become a little uncomfortable when we add unfriending to the mix. Just what are the protocols? Everything is so on the fly and not at all established. From a business/teaching perspective, I don't see why you would delete a former student unless something nasty was going on (which I can assure you from my end, there was nothing of the sort).

 

[Habiba]

If you were friends in addition to there being teacher student relationship then I think the situation is unfortunate. Talk to her and explane why you changed teacher ans that you respect her and like her style. Maybe she felt that you just ditched her.

A bit difficult to speculate and Zorba is definitely right. If it's on social media, don't take it too seriously.

We were actually very friendly and I do believe she feels I've "ditched" her. However, students do come and go (you're right) but as a teacher, I would always allow a door open for a student to one day return - or recommend other potential students. Burning bridges makes no sense.

My present teacher creates private groups which she closes at the end of each term/course - this is great as you don't necessarily need to be "friends" and can yet still communicate about the classes etc.

As for taking it "too seriously", I'm not. I'm rather interested in the protocol and business side of things. And given that bellydance is such a small community, I think it's particularly important to keep the best relations we can (on both sides).

 

[Dunyah]

I wouldn't take it personally. If you are bothered by it, best to send her a quick phone call or email or offer to meet for tea and tell her all you have said here. Otherwise, just let it go.

 

[Habiba]

I wouldn't take it personally. If you are bothered by it, best to send her a quick phone call or email or offer to meet for tea and tell her all you have said here. Otherwise, just let it go.

Please, I'm really really not taking this personally.

I am truly interested in how other teachers handle former students. Is it normal to delete them off social media just because they found new teachers?

From a business perspective, does it make sense?

Edit: There is a reason I called this thread "Social Media Protocol" and not "I feel slighted my teacher unfriended me"

 

[Daimona]

I would say that there are better ways of keeping in touch with students on fb without being personal friends (private groups have been mentioned, others solve it by having multiple profiles).
Unless you actually are friends (which is not the same as being friendly to each other), I'd find it strange to have this connection on fb.

 

[Dunyah]

Please, I'm really really not taking this personally.

I am truly interested in how other teachers handle former students. Is it normal to delete them off social media just because they found new teachers?

From a business perspective, does it make sense?

Edit: There is reason I called this thread "Social Media Protocol" and not "I feel slighted my teacher unfriended me"

I don't use FB to keep in touch with students, I create an email list. That's how I do it. My FB dancer page is more to post upcoming events.

 

[Habiba]

I would say that there are better ways of keeping in touch with students on fb without being personal friends (private groups have been mentioned, others solve it by having multiple profiles).
Unless you actually are friends (which is not the same as being friendly to each other), I'd find it strange to have this connection on fb.

Hi Daimona,

The teacher's profile was actually that of her school - so it was more like a "Page" than a personal profile. Perhaps that's wherein lies the problem.

I think it's interesting to discuss as being such a new platform, the protocols are evolving. I've had well known teachers/dancers wanting to "friend" me on FB so a lot of people are obviously not finding these types of connections strange. But it certainly can lead to some interesting situations.

 

[Duvet]

I am also of the opinion it's good to keep cordial relations and avoid burning bridges.

A wise policy to follow. You never know when circumstances might require you to work together or share a space in the future.

Anyway, my former teacher's school was a"friend" on Facebook. I didn't delete or unfriend for the above stated reasons, plus I love her style so I had not ruled out going back to her at some stage for either private classes or workshops. However, about a fortnight ago, she deleted me.

Different people use facebook for different reasons and view it in different ways. She may have deleted you for many other reasons than the ones you might be able to think of. On Facebook you were a contact of her 'school', not a friend in her personal life. It might not have crossed her mind that it could be taken as a personal rejection. She might just be tidying up her accounts (some people like to keep everything up to date and accurate - particularly if this is her business page). She might not think you would want information about her school and students (which might even be intended for her current students only).

Just send her school a new friends request, with a PM saying how you don't want to loose contact.

 

[Habiba]

Just send her school a new friends request, with a PM saying how you don't want to loose contact.

Ummm... she blocked me as well (I know as she's still "friends" with my former classmate). You can't win'em all ;-)

From a teacher's perspective, perhaps it's good policy to be clear and upfront and have parameters around tools like FB to avoid confusion and burnt bridges.

 

[Kashmir]

The whole "friend" terminology is creepy. That said on my Facebook page - I don't post anything I don't mind perfect strangers knowing - so no birthdays or personal information; no great dramas (or mini ones such as a (real) friend who posts amazing trivia such as "popping down to the shops with the kids"). I have found using a Page useful for those more interested in nuts and bolts of classes etc.

I suspect either your ex-teacher is posting things she really shouldn't on Facebook - all data belong to them - or she has taken the "friend" label at face value. Hurtful - and foolish - but I guess it is her way of giving you the flick.

 

[LilithNoor]

Sometimes it feels like the entire UK dance scene is on FB!

I'm 'friends' with dancers that I have never taken a class with, and have been added to all sorts of groups and events pages.

I know several teachers have groups specially for their students, where they post up additional info, videos and such, and they periodically delete people who are no longer dancing with them, as why would you give those resources away for free.

The only time people seem to delete each other as friends is when there's been a real bust up or personality clash. Doesn't seem to happen that often, fortunately.

 

[Darshiva]

I use my facebook account for my business. I put personal touches on there that are bellydance-related and some humanitarian things, to make my account feel less cold than a pure business account.

I've got contacts on there from all over the world because I feel (like Habiba) that bridge building is important. I have, however, burned one bridge - with my ex-teacher.

Now I personally don't care for her so I didn't have her friended on facebook, but she kept pming me about personal stuff not related to bellydance and completely of no interest to me, particularly since we had no facebook connection outside of her pming me. So I blocked her. She has the dubious honour of being the only bellydancer I have ever blocked on facebook, an action I only ever reserve for creepy sock guys (if you MUST know, pm me) and other PNGs.

I have been blocked by bellydancers who don't like me having someone they don't like on my friends list, but frankly I feel much better without having that connection since it's very remote that I will need to deal with their drama directly.

I'd say that everyone has a different approach to facebooking. Habiba sounds like she uses it like I do, and her former teacher like the lovely ladies who block for strange and obscure reasons. The important thing to remember is that the world really isn't so small as it seems, and that if you keep building your bridges, it will only get bigger. The ones that burn the bridges do themselves a disservice, but it's the way that they cope with the insanity that is social media.